My wife asked if I thought she should get a breast augmentation. I said I love her body just the way it is. She asked if I ever wished she had been born with big tits.
I said nah, babies with big tits freak me out.
Unexpected /sub/dadjokes! Take yer updoot and leave, ye scoundrel!
I thought about inventing a pencil with an eraser at both ends.
But I didn't see the point.
A mathematician's tools are pencil, paper and eraser. A philosopher's tools are pencil and paper.
What is the most well behaved drink?
Tea because the others are not tea
I tea what you did there
I've paid a steep price for clicking this link.
This pun thread has gone on t'oolong
Got that one in tea bag!
My girlfriend's parents called me a disgusting creep just because I am 36 and she is 24
What a horrible thing to say on our son's 10th birthday party.
Had to get the scientific calculator out for this one
Let's go: He's 36, minus the 24 is 12 years incubation the son is 10, so he is still in the WOMB PEOPLE WAKE UP 911 WAS AN INSIDE JOB
If your daughter wasn't away at college, she would have set them straight.
I didn't believe but now I do
I named my kid Bob Ross
He was a happy little accident.
Wife: are you about to cum?
Bob Ross: maybe maybe maybe
Platinum-white dad joke A+
Here, just beat the devil out of it
Looking forward to when he grows up, sees this and proceeds to beat the devil out of you.
When I drink Alcohol, everybody says I'm an Alcoholic..
When I drink Fanta, nobody says I'm Fantastic.
I'm not an alcoholic, I'm a drunk. Alcoholics go to meetings.
I once dreamed of an ocean full of fanta. It was a fanta-sea.
I think you're fantastic.
is this real life? or is it just fanta-sea. easy come easy goooo
So I met a girl in the bar last night
She said "I haven't had a cock for nearly 2 weeks now"
So I took her back to my place and we started fooling around.
We got undressed and that's when I noticed the scars from the operation.
Risky click of the day
Was it a C-section?
The operation to remove the cock
I was breastfed until 3
But enough about my day, how was yours?
The author is an infant, capable of posting jokes, who received nourishment from suckling from his mothers' breasts. He is, however, unaware that numerous other people also suck from his mothers' breasts.
Ha! I get it, his mother is a whore!
Hey you're back
Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries.
What do you call a waffle that you dropped on the beach?
Prepare for blue waffle jokes..
This joke blue me away
Short for blueberry waffle.
As if someone on Reddit doesn't know about blue waffle
My girlfriend accused of cheating the other day...
I told her she was starting to sound like my wife
my girlfriend didnt...
I like it
Tell her it wasn't you
"My wife did something awesome with her mouth yesterday, you won't believe it!"
"What is it?"
"She kept it shut!"