Why did the Star Wars movies come out in the sequence 4, 5, 6, 1, 2, 3?
Because in charge of sequence, Yoda was.
4, 5, 6, 1, 2, 3, 7, 3.5
My friend gets offended when people tell fat jokes.
I told her to lighten up.
I say the same thing to my black friend when she complains about me making racist jokes.
I slept with my best mate's wife last night and now I feel terrible.
She must have given me a cold or something.
I know that feel bro.
Looks like Trump is keeping up Michelle's ideals of getting America fit again.
One day in office and he has thousands of people getting up and going out for walks on this beautiful Saturday morning.
This is the most good natured Trump joke I've heard in over a year. Upvote for you!
My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning, can you believe that, 2:30am?!
Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes
This joke kilt me.
Why are white people the scariest in prison?
Because you know they're guilty.
Because they're the guards.
A guy walks into a bar and takes a seat..
Before he can order a beer, the bowl of pretzels in front of him says "Hey, you're a handsome fellow." The man tries to ignore the bowl of pretzels, and orders a fine Pilsner beer. The bowl of pretzels then says "Ooooh, a pilsner, great choice. You're a smart man." Starting to freak out, the guy says to the bartender "Hey what the hell, this bowl of pretzels keeps saying nice things to me!" Bartender says "Don't worry about it, the pretzels are complimentary."
I prefer my pretzels a little salty.
I always shave my beard after having sex
... so I can remind my wife for how long we've not been doing it.
My wife does the same thing with her legs..
I got arrested for killing a black man.
They charged me with impersonating a police officer.
Holy shit. Just had an epiphany; washing your hands is just each hand giving the other a bath and massage
Genie: What is your first wish?
joe: i want to be rich.
genie: granted. what is your second wish?
rich: i want lots of money.
Classic; Everyone knows your first wish should be to wish for more wishes!
A potentially costly mistake poorly executed by Rich.