Subthread Jokes

If I had a dollar for every racist thing I said

If I had a dollar for every racist thing I said

a black guy would probably rob me.

But that's ok because you would still have one dollar.

I wish I could be ugly for one day.

I wish I could be ugly for one day.

Being ugly every day sucks.

I feel you...

Two blind pilots enter a plane

Two blind pilots enter a plane

They have sunglasses and white sticks. As the plane starts to move, the passengers are uncomfortable. The plane gains speed, but it stays on the ground. The remaining runway gets smaller and smaller, and the plane is rushing towards a fence.

The passengers start shrieking and suddenly the plane lifts, avoiding the fence at the last second. All the passengers calm down, thinking it was a bad joke.

In the pilot cabin, the co-pilot turns to the pilot and says : "You know what? One day they're going to scream too late, and we're all going to die"

That punchline? I didn't even see it coming.

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My ex-girlfriend tried to humiliate me by telling all her friends I was terrible in bed.

My ex-girlfriend tried to humiliate me by telling all her friends I was terrible in bed.

Imagine her surprise when they all disagreed.

Was it by chance all her male friends? That might explain the discrepancy.

What does Bill say to Hillary after sex?

What does Bill say to Hillary after sex?

I'll be home in 20 minutes.

I heard Monica does not like me. I will make sure she gets a mouthful.

Donald Trump - "I'm not orange!"

Donald Trump - "I'm not orange!"

"Impeach."

This was actually pretty clever.

I think I've been hacked by Russia.

I think I've been hacked by Russia.

Edit: I not hacked by Russia. The motherland do no such thing. Have good day.

Good day comrade

TIL America has more museums than Starbucks and McDonald's combined.

TIL America has more museums than Starbucks and McDonald's combined.

Starbucks and McDonald's have a combined total of 0 museums.

Edit: McDonald's and Starbucks have a combined total of a couple museums.

Starbucks and McDonald's have museums?

Hey, I'm not saying Hitler was a great guy.

Hey, I'm not saying Hitler was a great guy.

But he really saved the History channel.

Hitler doesn't get enough credit. For one thing he pretty much invented the high five, although he was always left hanging. And he also killed Hitler, which is surely a good thing.

A Russian spy, a sexual predator and a billionaire walk into a bar

A Russian spy, a sexual predator and a billionaire walk into a bar

Bartender says "What can I get you Mr. President?"

Time to create a template from which we can create thousands of original jokes (yet people will still repost this one):

Setup: A {R}, a {S} and a {T} walk into a bar.

Option 1: {gender pronoun} orders a drink

Option 2: Bartender says "What can I get you {Person X: X∈R∩S∩T}?"

where R,S&T are adjectives applied to any being with the necessary mobility to walk into a bar.

Try one of these subthreads