JUSTNOMIL

Update: JNMILITW: Friend's FB proves she is a Just No

Update: JNMILITW: Friend's FB proves she is a Just No

Well, I went out for drinks with my friend last night.

To start, she was a bit (extremely) put out with me. I expected that. I let her speak her mind.

"You just don't understand what he's like!" "He is SOOOOO controlling!" "He doesn't allow her any time with me." "He doesn't allow her to answer my calls after 9pm." "He DEMANDS that I call before I go over!" "He didn't even ask my permission to get married!" And so much more. She complained for an hour without me saying a word.

Cue tears. Lots and lots of tears.

(Now I'm usually very diplomatic. Especially with friends. Unfortunately for her, my give a damn button has been turned off.)

My reply: "I've given you the ability to get all this off your chest. Now. KNOCK IT THE FUCK OFF! You are WAY out of line. Your daughter is NOT a puppet. She can and has made decisions for her life. She will continue to do so. Respect her. She's earned it. Or you WILL lose her! Your choice."

Friend and I talked for several hours. I called her on everything. Including posting that crap on FB. I told her about some stories from here. She seemed subdued and thoughtful at the end.

Hopefully she does the right thing. Only time will tell.

She did delete her post off FB... So a sign??

Update on Bridezilla Nmom: Crossroads

Update on Bridezilla Nmom: Crossroads

i found this subreddit through /sub/raisedbynarcissists and you've been incredibly helpful with my batshit crazy Nmama drama. you all for listening. my previous post is here for reference.

i called Nmom this morning because i was ready to talk. it's been a little over a month since i spoke to her. the last thing she said via text (after her angry scary phone call) was that she didn't want to be estranged from me and to reach out when i was ready. 2 weeks ago i texted her when i went dress shopping because i was thinking about her and said that i needed more time but i wanted her to know i love her very much. she did not answer. i texted my aunt (her sister), who knows her mental illness and is an imminently reasonable person, last week to get her address for invitations and she did not respond.

i settled on some new boundaries which are that i am not comfortable and will end the conversation if Nmom discusses her mental health or dating life. i called her this morning to invite her to go pick up my veil with my this week so she could see my dress. i thought she would want to be a part of that.

part of me feels relieved but i am mostly feeling rejected. i keep telling myself that she is allowed to change her mind about talking to me. what frustrates me is i know she was home (she has no social life) and just didn't answer because 1. she wants to punish me and 2. she wants to do a power play and call me later and catch me off guard. another one of my new boundaries is that i will not interact with her unless FH is with me.

i don't know what to do. a month ago i was pissed and wasn't losing any sleep about her decision to not come to my wedding because i thought it was an empty threat. now i'm not sure.

MIL is never on time, and got called out for once in her life

MIL is never on time, and got called out for once in her life

My MIL is never, never on time. Ever. You can literally tell her to be an hour early and she’s still gonna be 45 minutes late.

Me and my husband are expecting a baby in February and she’s begged 974810 million times to come to a doctors appointment. We never let her come to any early ones, but I’m almost 30 weeks now and had a routine one last week in which they had to do another quick ultrasound, so we decided to let her come to that one. Mostly so she would stop hounding us and asking us about it.

We had to be there at 8am for another test, and we would see the doctor at 9:15, then our ultrasound would be between 8-9:15 at no set time, just whenever they could get us in. I told MIL to be at our house at 7am. An hour early. Because I knew she would be late.

So I’m up getting ready at 6:55 and she calls and says “what Time is the ultrasound again?” I said we have to be there at 8. “But... what Time is the actual ultrasound?” I said, like I told you...I don’t know. We have to be there at 8. You need to be here at 7am. She then tells me “well I just got up, I really need a shower...........and to do my hair....” I said well we are leaving here in 20 minutes so if you aren’t here, we aren’t waiting. Hope you can make it. And hung up.

My husband texted her and told her if she wasn’t at our house by 7:10 or at the the hospital at 7:30 then she wouldn’t be allowed in (he meant by US, she thought he meant by the doctor.)

We get there about 7:50 (because we had told her earlier times) and there’s no sign of MIL. Whatever, her own fault, we go in. I drink my drink for the glucose test and am sitting in the back (not the main waiting room) and about 8:30 who walks in but MIL? She had gotten there (an hour and a half late at this point) finds the office, finds the waiting room, and finds a nurse who then let her in. She was so excited “They DID let me in guys!!! You told me they wouldn’t but the lady was so nice and it wasn’t a problem! Have you had the ultrasound yet? Can I touch your belly??” Then proceeds to start running on my belly (which she’s never done, because I don’t let her) and crying “This is the FIRST TIME I’ve felt my GRAND DAUGHTER MOVE! Ohh move again! Get it girl!!” Yelling in the middle of the office. I’m mortified, and my husband tells her to stop fucking touching me and to sit down and talk in a normal voice.

We get through the rest of the appointment with a problem after husband put her in her place, and at the end, I am starving from having to fast. I told husband I wanted Mexican food, and MIL said “let’s go to Carlo’s!” I said okay, fine, we will meet you there. We leave and get there. She had left at the same time as us. We wait 10 minutes. No MIL. 15 minutes. NO MIL. Husband called and asked where she was and she said “I’m here at Casa!” Which is a completely different restaurant. She argues with my husband for 5 minutes, trying to make US sound crazy for going to the wrong restaurant when we went to the one she had said. Finally he told her we are going in and eating, bye. We go in, get a table, 15 minutes later she shows up like nothing had happened.

Dinner with her is always fun. She orders everything very particular. She told the waitress exactly how she wants her vegetables cooked (caramelized, VERY tender) what kind of vegetables she wants (of course, some that don’t even come with the dish) and how she wants things placed on her plate. She tries to hold my husbands hand across the table (in which he tells her absolutely not, stop crying in the restaurant or we are leaving) then makes a huge deal about thanksgiving, which is a whole other post. She also has to bring every. Single. Scrap. Of leftover food to-go. All of it. Mine, my husbands, hers. Nothing stays on the table.

During dinner, she mentioned watching my son (we only allow her to watch him at our house, and she’s only watched him once, in which she rearranged my house and hasn’t been invited back.) I had work that evening and my husband was working around the house, so he asked me if it was okay if she came and sat with him for an hour or so while he was home, just outside working. I said that was fine, because he does have a rather large project he was trying to finish before he goes back to work, and he would be right there.

I told her, I have to be at work at 3. Be there at 2.

She called me two hours later to confirm the time. I told her again, be there at 2.

2 rolls around, no MIL. 2:10. Nope. 2:20. Negative. I HAVE to leave at 2:30 to be on time. Being late is a serious deal in my line of work. She wouldn’t answer phone calls or return texts. I had to go outside and make my husband stop what he was doing and he had to go inside. He tried to call her, no answer.

I left, still no MIL.

On my way to work I sent her a message (and so did my husband) telling her that she would no longer be asked to watch our children or invited to events because she can’t be on time, and that we would need to see some serious commitment and dependability as far as arriving places on time from her to be considered again. I told her if it would have just been me at home, I would have had to refund a client $300+ dollars for being late, and I can’t risk that. She didn’t text me back, but showed up to my house and started cussing at my husband!!! I wasn’t there but the general conversation was that she did NOTHING wrong, she just lost track of time, my husband was there so she didn’t have to be there, WHY is it a big deal, WHY are you going to keep my from my grandchildren, waaaaaaaah.

My husband told her if she wants to come over and cuss him, she can leave. She said “I’m not cussing at you!” And so he said “Then you’re cussing at my wife, so you can damn sure get in your car and get off of my property and don’t come back!”

She did, and we haven’t heard from her since.

No apology, nothing.

I’m hoping from here on out our interaction is even more limited, or non existent, than it has been (which has been pretty limited.) My husband is fuming, and usually doesn’t just get over things like that, so I’m just letting him take the lead on this one, sipping my coffee, and enjoying my life.

OMG!! You Guys - I found a THERAPY LLAMA!

OMG!! You Guys - I found a THERAPY LLAMA!I shit you not - there is a freaking THERAPY LLAMA in Canberra named Forrest Gump!

http://www.abc.net.au/news/2015-06-15/therapy-llama-comforting-the-elderly-in-canberra/6545850

I just can't!
OMG!! You Guys - I found a THERAPY LLAMA!

I shit you not - there is a freaking THERAPY LLAMA in Canberra named Forrest Gump!

http://www.abc.net.au/news/2015-06-15/therapy-llama-comforting-the-elderly-in-canberra/6545850

I just can't!

I refrain myself from texting my MIL, I would like so badly to tell her...

I refrain myself from texting my MIL, I would like so badly to tell her...

I want it so bad to text my MIL that she is the reason why I left him, she is the reason why we are shutting down the company, she is the reason why he can't have sex. I want to text her so badly, that he lied to her by saying we moved into another place but I did leave him because of her intrusion in our life.

I would like to text her that now she can call him at home and not just at work, she doesn't need to hide anymore and can show up whenever she wants, I am not there anymore because of her, even if she does start doing this, being so present because I am not there anymore.

He will never tell her I left him because of her, to not hurt her, he is protecting her, it's not his job to do that. His alcoholic dad left them when he was 7 and since she hated and still hate him so much. I would like to tell her that her story doesn't have to affect his son's love life, she doesn't have to be present while her son is building his life, she doesn't have to tell him NO when he wants to move into another country, she doesn't have to buy him clothes all the time, he is 31 for God sake!. I just want to tell her that she needs to let go of her children because she is overwhelmed and castrating, she is selfish and she already destroyed his sister's life.

Can I text her just some of that?....why am I feeling I am not done!

Unhappy Camper: Isn't it cute how the non-existent grandkids mispronounce their grandparents' names?!

Unhappy Camper: Isn't it cute how the non-existent grandkids mispronounce their grandparents' names?!

This story happened in one of Unhappy Camper's previous visits which I already posted about, but I left it out because it's long and deserves a post of its own.

So to set the scene, UC and FIL are visiting us in our new hometown. We've been married like over a year (gasp!), so of course the good ol' "OHMIGAWD WHEN ARE YOU EVER GOING TO GIVE ME GRANDBABIES" is in full swing. (She even has the nerve to pull me aside and say, "You know, it's been long enough that no one will think you had a shotgun wedding!" Yeah, why would they think that? Oh yeah, because you told them. Bitch.)

UC announces that she has chosen their grandparent names. She doesn't want to be "grandma" or "grandmother" because that sounds so oooooold. So she and FIL will be Nona and Poppy. (Because that doesn't sound old? Whatever.) So we have grandparent names picked out for two people that are nowhere near having grandkids, with absolutely no input from the hypothetical parents. Lovely. Glad we sorted out that pressing matter.

Then at lunch (yes, lunch) they get drunk. She's still cackling about being Nona! Then she remembers that kids generally can't say things right when they're little and they come up with cute little misnomers that stick! Obviously, the non-existent grandkids will mispronounce Nona and Poppy. They'll probably call them No-no and Poopy! Awwwww it'll be so cuteeeee! UC squeals with glee.

So UC and FIL spend the rest of the visit referring to themselves as No-no and Poopy. I can't even tell you how weird and awkward it is to watch two adults make up baby talk nicknames for each other when there are no babies around. Barf.

MILITW: You Guessed It, Vacation Bitch

MILITW: You Guessed It, Vacation Bitch

Guys. He called back.

Me: [My company] this is Sam how can I help you?

FM: Hi, this is DH. I had called about my vacation Wednesday, and we got cut off. (Cut off my ass)

I’m completely incredulous he called back, but I don’t miss a beat. Me: Good to hear from you again, sir. What can I help you with today? (Retail smile in that voice folks!)

FM: So you did confirm that my vacation was successfully canceled, and I did check my statements, and I did get my refund. However, I do need to get a copy of those documents you were talking about. (You mean MIL does)

Me: I’m sure we can get those sent out to you again, however, your agent is far more experienced in that so I will transfer you over to her, okay? (As much as I love the llama feed I have stuff I need to get done, dude.)

FM: I’m sure she's busy enough working with others who haven’t canceled, and I don't want to waste anymore of her time. Can you see if you can do it for me?

Me: I’m sure she wouldn’t mind, but I can see what I can do. If I am unable I’m sure the agent can assist with getting those documents out to your email.

FM: Ah, Well, here’s the thing. I had my email hacked, and that’s why I need the documents sent again. I lost everything. (HA!)

Me: Oh my! I’m so sorry to hear that sir-

FM: Yeah, it sucks. So I made a new email, can you send the documents there?

Now he’s even cut me off after lying to me. I’m a little pissed he’s wasting MY time because I have deadlines to meet. Whatever. I really don’t know ANYTHING about the selling side of things. I’m accounting for heaven’s sake and I mostly deal with credit card issues and agent support related to that!

(At this point I’ve decided if these assholes are going to waste my time I’m going to cause them the most grief I can.) Me: Oh, I really don’t know if that’s possible. I can try to send the documents, but I think they will just go to the old email again.

FM is getting a bit unhappy now: You can’t just change the email and send them?

Me: I know how to change the email on an ACTIVE booking, but not a canceled one like this. I can’t make this one active without a deposit on the booking to reopen everything, and that would become non refundable on rebooking. (This is complete bullshit. I can change the email, and I can pull the documents and copy them.)

FM: Shit! I really need those documents! (He sounds like he’s starting to panic at this point. Take that asshole!)

Me: Sir, your time is valuable to me (pulling out the customer service big guns). As I said the agent is more knowledgeable on this. Tell you what, why don’t you give me your email address, the new one, and I will see what I can do. Worse comes to worse and I will get with the agent. Once we get things figure out I will give you a call back okay?

FM: Okay, but how long do you think it will take?

Me: I don’t know, sir. I’ve never done any of this before, and it might take me a while.

FM: Can you please get it today? (He is BEGGING me at this point.)

Me: I can do my best, but I don’t want to make a promise I can’t keep.

FM: Okay, Just do the best you can (defeated).

Me: (my eyes rolled so hard I had to shake my head to get them out of the back of my head. It was a horrible moment there) So what’s that email and contact phone number?

FM: The new email isthismilneedsjustice@shesadouche.com and my number is 867-5309

Me: Alright I’m going to get on this right away, sir. I will be in contact before the end of the day.

I send all this to the agent and give her a ring. She is SALIVATING at the info I’ve just procured. She contacts the client, and sure as shit; it’s the MILs email. She couldn’t even be bothered to set up a new one! The number wasn’t one the DH knew so we still don’t know who the FM is :(

I found out that the MIL is going nuts because she was served with a C&D letter and informed Tuesday that DH and DW will not be in attendance for the holidays. I suspect the last call was her scrambling to get any information she can.

So the agent changes the email, and sends the documents. They are nothing more than the client, our agent info, and the dates of when the vacation would have taken place. I sent them at the last moment, and called right before I left for the day. That meant this dude was wallowing for the better part of 6 hours.

Sadly, somehow the dates for the vacation glitched out and were showing as the end of February after the vacation will be well over. Alas the agent and I were unable to fix it, and had to send the messed up documents as they were. It’s a tragedy we may never recover from.

Sam+my agent: 5 MIL+FM: 0

[Update] Llama feed incoming

[Update] Llama feed incoming

Hey everyone! Tonight the in laws came over for supper. They got to town like 45 minutes before the time I gave them. BHH came in and said that I looked slimmer in the middle. We drove to the restaurant and on the way there, it was mostly polite talk.

I ordered a Margarita (yay), FIL ordered Dos Equis and no snarky comments were made. I was shocked. No worries though, they decided to bring up immigration in the Mexican restaurant. I said, "Perhaps we can shelve this discussion for later. This isn't the appropriate place." They questioned why and I said I'd explain later. (Did this really need explained?)

We finish and get back in the vehicle to leave. BHH keeps talking as hubby tries to merge. He uses his spine and asks her to be quiet til we're on the highway.

Then, they ask why I said it wasn't the place. I explained it wasn't respectful as they were pro deportation and that not all the workers may be legal. This turned into them being pro-Trump (gag) and me calmly explaining where he has lied...FEMA relief, Puerto Rico and on and on. We discussed this for over 2 hours. BHH saw that FIL was understanding and agreeing with my logic and so she kept trying to shut down the conversation.

She then went into my bathroom and I heard her opening all the cupboards and my medicine cabinet is not latched like I left it. I asked her not to go through it and she denied. ...Yeah right.

She told SIL to pray for me before they leave as I obviously need healing.

Then she tried taking my purse as she "thought" it was SIL's. Nevermind that she and I talked about my purse on our way to the restaurant. She was mostly BEC tonight.

Also, she brought me gifts to give SIL 1 since they are NC. SIL1 told her she could mail them 3 months ago. She insists I deliver them.

I'm not sure how much sense I'm making cuz margaritas. ..but will fill in when I'm more sober.

That's the uodate, thankful for a shiny spine and DH'S shiny spine.

Edit: checked all the meds. They are all there and don't appear tampered with.

Fendi shoves a tragedy in my face

Fendi shoves a tragedy in my face

I’m writing up a summary of the nightmare that was Fendi Flu by in the meantime I wanted to share something from the past. I try to keep my posts kind of light but this one sucks.

Between my two daughters we lost a newborn. It was sudden and horrific. It’s the worst thing that’s ever happened to us and it’s incredibly difficult for me to talk about him in person. It makes get come off as cold to some people but that’s how I deal with it. Our families know this and respect it.

About a year after the tragedy Fendi decided that Target would be the best place to bring him up. There’s a whole row of cute baby boy clothes I was avoiding and while I was busy avoiding it Fendi found a little shirt and shorts combination with a tiger on it and she shoved it in front of my face. “Wouldn’t that have looked sweet on “son’s name”? You could get it for your next boy.”

I felt like someone punched me in the chest. I don’t cry in public but this brought me close. I managed to walk away so I wouldn’t physically hurt her. She was silent as we eventually went to the car. I noticed she had a bag in her hand but didn’t think much of it as I was an emotional wreck. We get back to the car and she shoves the bag into my hands. “For your next boy.” She bought the outfit while I was in a dressing room hyperventilating.

I lost it. I screamed. I don’t even know if it was all words or just screaming but it was the one and only time I’ve screamed at her.

She’s never mentioned it since. She never brought it up to my husband either so I know she knew she did wrong. So there’s Fendi’s dark side. Allergy issues and general dumbassery are one thing but she has moments where she’s truly a cunt.

My husband passed away suddenly, MIL is calling me a murderer and I don't know to manage everything

My husband passed away suddenly, MIL is calling me a murderer and I don't know to manage everything

A few days ago I lost my husband. I still cannot believe it, I’m still hoping that I’ll wake up tomorrow and realize it was all just a bad dream. He came back from work the other day and after being at home for a half an hour or so he suddenly collapsed. Of course, I called the emergency number immediately, they sent an ambulance to our house. They told me to give him CPR but even though I tried, I probably didn’t do it properly because I’ve never learnt it. My husband basically died in my arms, it happened so fast, it was a matter of minutes. The ambulance arrived only to confirm his death, then the police came too and asked me a lot of questions, the medics took the body away and they told me an autopsy will be required because there was no obvious reason for death. I agreed, of course, even if they hadn’t said it was necessary, I would’ve requested it myself because I had to know why it happened. In my head nothing made sense because he was just 23 years old, he was young, he was healthy, I couldn’t imagine any reason that would make him to just drop dead.

After they all left, I was in a state of shock, it felt as if I was losing my mind, I cried, I talked to myself, talked to God even though I’ve never been religious. Then I pulled myself together enough to call my MIL and tell her what happened. My MIL has never liked me. From the moment we got introduced each to other, she didn’t like me. I’ve no idea what I did to make her hate me, I’ve always been polite to her so I don’t know what’s her problem is. I know she tried to talk my husband out of marrying me and after we married, she had as little contact as possible with us. When I told her, she couldn’t believe it at first and then she started to blame me. She was yelling that it’s my fault, that I killed her son and that she’s going to make me pay for it. I never thought that she’d support or comfort me but I also wasn’t expecting something like this.

The next day a doctor contacted me and told me that the first results of the autopsy revealed the cause of death which was a pulmonary embolism, a blood clot that had blocked the main pulmonary artery. The doctor basically told me that my husband had no chance, I could’ve done nothing and even if the ambulance was right there with us, they could’ve done nothing too. I got a copy of the results and I called MIL again. We agreed that she’d come to my house that evening to talk about funeral and everything. She arrived and she had police with her. We live in quite a small town, we only have one police station and those were the same officers that came to my house the day it happened. They remembered me and MIL started to tell them that I’m a murderer, that I killed her son, that I planned it all. She really thought that they would arrest me. I showed the police the copy from the autopsy and they tried to explain MIL that it wasn’t a murder and that her son died because of a medical condition that no one could’ve caused. She started to argue that they shouldn’t believe that paper, that anyone can make and print such fake documents these days. The officers were really nice to me, they told me not to worry and then they left because obviously there hasn’t been a crime. MIL was furious about it and swore that she’ll put me in prison anyways. I’m not worried about her words because I know I’m innocent and the authorities know it.

The next thing is the funeral. My husband and me, we never really talked about death because we’re young, we weren’t planning to die anytime soon. However I remembered that we attended the funeral of someone last year and my husband said he’d like to be cremated instead of buried when he dies. And that’s what I’m going to do, I’ll cremate him. MIL wants to give him a traditional burial and she started to yell at me again when I said he’ll be cremated instead. She was like ” Oh, you just want to get rid of the body so there would be no more evidence, right? You’ve planned this! ” And she said that she’s a Christian and Christians don’t cremate anyone, it’s wrong and the person has to return to the ground that God made him from. That’s a complete BS to me, I won’t give in about this question at all, if he wanted to be cremated, he will be cremated and that’s it. That’s the last thing I can do for him. If she wants to bury something so badly, she can as well bury ashes.

She’s also reproaching me that I allowed them to butcher her son, meaning the autopsy. I was like – what do you mean – butcher? That was a necessary procedure. You don’t want to know what your son died from? Weird.

I don’t even have the time to mourn. I’ve to organize the funeral and I’ve to fight with her because she’s interfering with everything – the music, the place, the coffin. She even didn’t want several people to come and I was like – no, it’s a funeral. Everyone who wants to say goodbye to him is welcome and I won’t push anyone away. I’ve this huge pressure on me, she’s still accusing me, she believes that her son would’ve lived if he hadn’t married me, that he died because of the life with me. I understand that she's hurt, she's a mother and she lost her son but I don't deserve this attitude, I loved him too. I don't know how I'll manage the funeral with her being there.

And I also just wanted to remind you guys – cherish your loved ones, tell them every day how much you love them, how much they mean to you, never take them for granted because one moment they’re here and the second they might be gone. We were married for 2 years only, he was the love of my life and I thought that we were going to grow old together but unfortunately something greater than us had other plans.

Try one of these subthreads