JustNoMiL in the Wild - Back surgery and soccer game tickets.
Told to me by DiL. JustNoMiL has serious back surgery. JustNoMiL asks DiL to cancel plans, take off from work to take care of her. DiL says no and hires a nurse to take care of JustNoMiL.
Three weeks later, JustNoMiL stands in line for five hours to get her golden child grandson soccer game tickets. And she went on a ski trip soon after.
A sample of bizarre requests made by my FMIL for our wedding next year
Short background, FH and I are in the US and his whole family lives overseas. Our wedding will be in the town where we live and I'm Very Excited to celebrate with all our loved ones. His mom has raging baby rabies and no discernable interest in learning any sort of American wedding customs or traditions and just today made a baffling list of requests.
In no particular order:
She wants to buy the jewelry for my wedding day before I've even picked out my dress. I'm a pretty laid-back bride but this just won't do.
She wants us to just ask everyone for cash, since it's SO embarrassing and humiliating to have a registry available where your guests can just gasp see what you'd like to receive?! The horror!!
She would like to stay in our apartment for a few days after the wedding after we've left for our honeymoon. With her husband and her sister and maybe some nieces and nephews, who knows! Surely this won't be a problem because it's faaamily traveling all this way for us, so we can just give them our place right? It's no trouble at all for us to leave our small apartment guest-ready the literal day after we get married and leave it in who knows how many people's hands for an indeterminate amount of time.
I'm trying very hard not to vent about FH's family to my own so I thought this would be a good place to air some grievances tonight.
I'm back! A small update and how Mommy Fearest celebrated my birthdays
Sorry it's been so long guys! Hands full between school starting, sdad here, doctor appointments, and life. I am exhausted.
So update wise, I don't have much right now. Sdad just went back to his state this morning. It was sad. He didn't want to go, we didn't want him to go, but he had to. Brother is ok and not too much damage to sdad's house. All stuff they can fix. An appointment is set up for Wednesday with the prosecutor, my lawyer, and myself. We want to get on the same page about whatever evidence there is that can help in my case, or that can help in theirs. I also have a court date here in my state the day before for FM. I am supposed to testify and so is my neighbor. She is claiming I invited her in and attacked her for no reason. I am clearly unhinged as I supposedly offered her tea then pulled a giant knife on her. I don't think she quite understands that the whole thing was caught on camera. My mother seems to prefer her monkeys of the stupid variety. Probably makes them easier to control and all that.
The week before last was my birthday. I am officially 41 now. Yay...I guess. I had a wonderful bday though! My son got me awesome presents that perfectly sum me up. Wonder Woman collectable, Deadpool t-shirt that says "I speak Fluent Sarcasm", Princess Leia t-shirt, and a nerf gun that is the perfect size for my hand. That boy knows me so well. It was made extra special since sdad was here to celebrate with me. I don't ask for anything on my birthday, just to spend it with the people I love, and this year my cup runneth over.
We got to talking about how MF "celebrated" my borthday growing up. Short answer - she didn't. Sometimes she used it as a weapon. Since I'm old and don't want to weite out 41 bdays, I'm going to bullet point some her finer moments.
For my fifth bday, she convinced me she was throwing me a party with all my friends, then when the day came, laughed at how funny it was that I was so excited for a party that wasn't happening. When I cried she got mad and asked me why anyone would celebrate me.
On my seventh bday, she gave me a pretty wrapped box. I was excited because she had never given me a gift before. It was shit. I assume dog shit. I didn't ask.
*On my fourteenth bday, like the exact day, I got my period for the first time. I was in terrible pain (eventually learned I have endometriosis) and she thought it was hysterical to wipe my used pad on my face and shove me outside, crying, to see all my friends who had come to wish me happy bday.
On my sixteenth bday, we had just moved to a new state and I didn't know anyone. My sdad rented a limmo for the night to take me and some friends out around the new town. I invited the only person I had met, but MF uninvited her then paid some neighbor kids to come with me on the condition the make fun of me the whole time and spill their drinks on me. Happy sweet sixteen to me.
After that, my birthdays were mostly ignored completely. Except for when I turned eighteen. I woke up to a card that said "happy birthday - get out". When I tried to pack my meager belongings so I could leave, she worked sdad up into a particularly brutal coke fuled rage and turned him on me. My boyfriend at the time had showed up to help me and had to pry sdad's fingers from around my neck as I was turning blue. Sdad fled the house and MF decided she should finish the job and tried to strangle me with a phone cord. She only stopped when bf told her he called the cops. He got me out of there and that was the last time I was in that house alone with them until several years later. To give you an idea of how bad it was - when I flew back to home state to my Nana a few days later, i weighed 83 lbs at 5'8", the entire right side of my face was blue and purple and swollen from the beatings, the whote part of my right eye was completely red, I had several broken ribs and skull fractures, and I was speaking with a stutter from the brain injuries. My family did not recognize me. My uncle that picked me up at the airport walked right past me because he didn't know it was me.
After this, I hadn't spent any other birthdays around her until I stupidly moved back to her state with my son. By that time, sdad had gone to rehab and made ammends for the things he did. So my bdays were usually sdad making dinner for me, getting me a cake, and Mommy Fearest having a tantrum about the nerve I had making me people celebrate me. Usually she would have some sort of medical issue that required an ambulance and everyone's undevided attention. Sometimes it would be her calling 911 but not saying anything so the cops would show up to find out what was going on, and she would somehow have a story ready. Once it was that I stole her medication. Sdad went in her room and got it and brought it out asking why she thought that. It must have been a mistake, she says. Once it was that I assaulted her. Yet no one who was there would verify and told the cops it didn't happen. When she realized those things didn't work, she started getting in the car and disappearing. That didn't work because we were all relieved she was gone and no one went looking for her. Found out by accident she was actually just parked around the block waiting to see us go looking for her. We didn't. Then I started just having sdad, brother, and some friends come celebrate at my house. That ended up with two broken windows, three flat tires on my car, and sugar in my gastank. That was two years worth of bdays. The first was the broken windows on my house and the second was my tires blown and the sugar. So I just stopped celebrating my birthday altogether. Until I moved to my current state.
She has yet to figure out a good way of ruining my birthday since I moved, thank god.
So that is the long and sad history of my birthdays. It doesn't bother me anymore because I get to celebrate with the people who matter the most to me. My awesome kids always make me feel special, everyday, but especially on my birthday. This year, my special day ended with a three way light saber battle between my son, sdad, and myself. It. Was. Awesome!
As always, thank you to all of you who have made me feel less alone, made me laugh when I genuinely needed it, and have just been all around awesome in every way!
Edit: Haha! I fixed the formatting! Thank you so much to the users who helped me fix it! Like I said, you guys rock!
MIL in the Wild: tales from a former wedding vendor
I used to work in the wedding industry a couple years ago as an event planner for a DJ service. It was the worst 8 months of my life, but I have so many stories of mothers of bride and groom trying to sabotage the wedding. I won't go into too much detail but highlights include:
A bride made a last minute booking for her wedding that was the next day because her FMIL fucked around with the original booking for a different DJ and canceled it. Unfortunately, we couldn't take her request because we were booked solid for the weekend.
The mom of groom originally booked a questionable Craigslist DJ that bailed on the wedding. Thankfully the bride was able to get us to do the wedding within 2 weeks. The poor woman sounded so relieved when I told her we could book the wedding and was more than happy paying the premium for the short notice. She hand delivered the paperwork to the office because she was suspicious of FMIL fucking around. She told me that FMIL was uninvited and her (bride's) brother was given the duty of making sure groom's mom didn't crash the wedding. Bride's brother was a former Marine and according to the DJ could have been The Mountain from Game of Thrones.
The DJ told me about how the groom's mom got shitfaced and tried to steal the DJ's microphone. She wanted to sing the lullaby she used to sing to the groom when he was a baby. At that point, the hotel security had to get involved because she started causing a scene and was screaming like a banshee. The bride's parents tipped the poor DJ extra for having to deal with her drunken ass.
There are more stories, but I blocked out a good chunk of those 8 months from my brain. Will report back later for any other gems I might remember.
EDIT: Clarification about bride's brother being the former Marine.
MIL Is Trying To Cancel Our Wedding- Mini Update
A very quick update as the wedding is tomorrow and I’m already exhausted, but the latest is just so surreal I have to let you guys know. I loved all the name suggestions and have decided to go with Watcher as she’s uber creepy and intrusive. We are still entirely NC with no plans of changing it.
1) Flowers: I was out running errands on Friday and FH arrived home before I did. He sent me a photo of a beautiful flower delivery on our doorstep addressed directly to me. I thought they were from one of my friends or a family member. Nope. The message read “With love, from Watcher” That was it. Eugh.
2) Card: Yesterday I received a card in the mail. Again, I just assumed it would be from a friend. No such luck.
Dear Mrs Wibble. Despite what you may think, we were looking forward to gaining a daughter. Also, to happy times together. This is no way to start married life, we all need family. Hope you will come to realise this. Thinking of you. Watcher.
Where do you even go with that? Every single word is dripping with contempt and bitterness. She wrote it on the ‘good’ stationary this time, so there’s that I guess.
Posh and manchild know....
So the cat is out of the bag. Manchild got his support modification papers. So far it's been pretty calm. Posh made sure to corner my kids during a visit and Interrogate them. Why did I do it? Did they think it was fair? How much am i after? What did i tell the court? Did they know their father will be broke now? Shouldn't i have to work instead of depending on their father? (OMG they can't get it though their head that manchild does not support me in any way shape or form. His money does not buy me anything. It does not pay a single bill nor a portion of a bill. The kids blow it all on fast food and Minecraft packs. Since that's all it will buy)
Posh said she is going to write a paper stating he pays a ton of money in rent so they can't take very much. Please do! Say your son pays $5000 a month. I'll agree to it! Won't that be an interesting situation for an "unemployed" man to explain.
I guess BIL got in on it and pointed out manchild has been hiding from responsibility for 10 years and it is entirely fair what I did. Poor guy is going to regret that im sure.
Pretty much the same thing from the manchild. Along with all sorts of fun text messages to me calling me names and making threats to screw things up with my landlord and with custody etc. Telling me I was faking our kids mental illness and disabilities and that He was going to stop them from getting help. (He knows I'm faking it because posh with her many degrees and experience with kids knows the kids are 100% healthy) He laughed at me saying I'll never prove he makes more than a few bucks. He doubts He will even show up because what are they going to do? He also send some fun emails to the kids saying I'm all sorts of horrible things and just using them.
Our court date is next week. Thanks to them running their mouth I know their exact plan.
I spent all day Friday printing out hundreds of pictures of proof of all manchilds and poshs work. Also all his equipment clearly visible in front of his house. I also wrote down every company i know theyve ever done work for and their numbers. Plus all his text messages bragging and making threats. Guess who also has printouts of posh saying we lived in her house "rent free" thanks to the box of stuff my mom printed during the divorce. It was during a rant she posted on my page about how ungrateful I was because she let us live in this amazing house rent free. She shut up when I threatened to post pictures of this amazing house and call city inspectors.
Honestly I wanted to buy one of those decorate yourself photo albums, put all the pictures in it and write "manchilds greatest hits" across the front. Bedazzle the shit out of it. But fiance didn't think the court would be amused. He never lets me have any fun
Ok that's a lie.
In a quick side note I also contacted all doctors/dentists/therapists my kids have ever gone to. I got copies of everything. EVERYTHING. Showing I am up to date with all their visits. They have nearly perfect teeth and regularly go to eye doctor and dentist. Also showing all the different doctors and tests they've done to diagnosis some things. Ive got text messages where i tell the ex all information and he doesnt even care and doesn't bother to show up because he's "busy" And I got a fun little bonus. I explained to a few of the therapists what I'm dealing with and they weren't happy. They were prepared to feed ex to the wolves. They gave me copies of their own notes that didn't deal with my kids medical information. Meaning I have copies of the handwritten and dated notes of all the times I gave them permission or asked them to contact manchild about our kids evaluations or diagnoses. And they all say basically the same thing. He was made aware even offered to be sent information, and declined to be involved in any way.
Posh has made threats to report me to CPS before. I'm waiting for it. I can honestly see her and manchild trying for custody so he doesn't have to pay any support at all. She will just demand the kids move in with her like she tried before.
Posh can report me to CPS. Manchild can try for custody based on neglect or alienation or whatever he thinks he's going to get custody for. I am sooooo ready.
My MIL is a JY to me, and a JNMIL to my SIL. How do I handle this?
Long time lurker, first time poster. To be perfectly honest, I love my MIL. She's been nothing but kind, loving, and supportive toward both me and my husband. She's really gone out of her way to make me feel like a member of the family and has stood by us during difficult times. We don't have any children yet, but she's a wonderful grandmother to both OBIL and OSIL's kids. I feel extremely comfortable and accepted in her presence. She's great...... to me.
Unfortunately she's absolutely a JustNo to my SIL (married to MIL's eldest son). She is extremely judgmental and critical of SIL and SIL is constantly walking on eggs around her. Fortunately OBIL has a shiny spine and stands up for his wife, though it never seems to matter much. MIL just brushes it off.
At this point I am the low man on the totem pole (Hubs and I have only been married for a year), and I don't want to do anything to disrupt or change the relationship I have with my MIL. But it's really freaking hard to just sit there and see how badly and unfairly my SIL is treated and not do anything. How can I help my SIL without potentially putting myself in her place?
The Visit pt. 2: Falsetto Fiona Ignores Boundaries
If you read pt. 1, you know that SIL1 is moving overseas next week, DH and I found out 2 days ago, so we squashed our weekend plans to spend time with her before she goes.
DH and I have only 3 (well, now 2) weekends left to spend alone together before GeneSplice comes because of our work schedules.
Not gonna lie, I've been kind of irritated that we had to drop our plans for this weekend. Not because of saying goodbye to SIL1, it was really important to DH and I that we get to hang out with her before she left, and I'm really glad we did. It wasn't a second thought. I've been irritated because we were not aware this was happening until literally 2 DAYS AGO, and we have spent every single weekend in [Hometown], which is 2 hours away, since late July because faaaamily. So this was going to be our weekend, but we had to change plans. Really just annoying is all.
As a result, I made it very clear to DH that from here until GeneSplice is born, we're done sacrificing our precious alone time because faaamily. We have to get ready and I want to enjoy what little time we have left as a twosome. Someone has to be seriously hurt or dead for us to give up another weekend. DH agrees entirely. This is all relevant.
Tonight, DH asked about the crib (See: The Crib Issue for background). Falsetto Fiona found the one we had picked secondhand for half the price, so FIL had picked it up recently. FIL told us, "It's in SIL1's car. We're going to bring it down one day and help set it up, then go shopping for more baby stuff."
Guys, I almost cried.
Not 5 minutes before, I had explained to FIL that DH and I were going to be reserving our mutual days off to spend alone together, and that it was important to us to set up the nursery as our personal project as "mom and dad".
So I explained again.
FF then asked when we were going to make the trip to [Closest Town With An Ikea] to "buy the rest of the stuff for the nursery". Which we don't need.
I explained a second time to FF (third to FIL) about wanting to reserve our time, so I didn't think we would make the trip. She seemed understanding, but still wanted us to "Let [her] know if she can come down and help set up the nursery one day." I gave a nod.
We have a baby shower coming up next weekend. FF and FIL already bought us the crib, that was their gift. But FF starts fishing.
She asks about the registry, tells me she saw a glider on there. I confirm and say my mom really wants to get us the glider. She continues to talk about how she found an "adorable" one on Craigslist and shows me a picture of a very used swivel rocker that looks nothing like what we'd picked out anyway. I tell her again that my mom (who is trying and failing to hide from me that she's afraid of being shown up by FF and FIL at the shower) wants to get the glider.
So she asks me and DH what we are hoping for most at the shower, obviously fishing for more money she can spend on Craigslist or Facebook marketplace. DH gave a general answer "probably just gear for us to use", and changed the subject.
Soon, we were trying to leave. My feet were stiff and swollen, and. I was ready to be in bed. So of course, FF has to pull out the multiple clothing items she bought DH at a consignment store so he can try each of them on.
We finally start walking out the door, and she says, "Let me know when we can plan a trip up to [Town With Ikea 3 Hours Away]. We can get the rest of the nursery furniture."
So I politely (I don't even know how I was able to be polite at this point y'all, but I managed) told her that we didn't need any more furniture for the nursery, just the crib, DH and I are going to block off any remaining weekends we have together to only spend time together, and we want to work on the nursery ourselves. She says okay and makes a comment about how she's so busy anyway, that's better for her.
I'm about to start taking bets on whether I'll come home to an already built crib one day or which weekend they'll pick to just "drop in" even though we've specifically told them no. They acknowledge our wishes, but think our rules just don't apply to them. It's fucking infuriating!
I am soooo glad to be back in my own home, hours away, with only DH and my kitties.
Mission GlassCow Containment: Step One
So in the last week, we have discussed (argued) a firm set of plans (likely just first drafts) to ensure that we (mostly DW) receive(s) a much needed break from GlassCow’s bullshit (pun intended). These plans have caused a lot of stress for all of us, to say the least. We’ve discovered that all of us have, or need in the case of LO, different degrees of trust to be had between ourselves and GlassCow.
With LO we need the highest standards. She usually does at least see, and I do mean literally just see, GlassCow during certain holidays or get togethers because we want LO to know her cousins, my BIL, and my SIL. However, she’s chosen not to interact, which hurts GlassCow’s feelings but nobody cares because she will throw a raging fit about her poor feelings.
Due to this behaviour I also avoid GlassCow like the plague, and glare at her whenever possible. I am 38, she’s 52. That’s about a 10 year age difference, give or take a few years. Given that, I will bloody well end her if she tries to have a go at my daughter. She has never, and I hope she would never. Yet, it’s possible given her attitude towards “loved” ones.
My darling, darling, dearly beloved dragon wife, however, occasionally thinks that this is all excusable because faaaaaamily and “she’s getting better...sometimes.” This has strained our marriage like an elephant sitting on a bridge made of thread, yet I relent. I relent because I love her, and I respect her ideals. I respect her religion, her idea of family, and how she chooses to deal with such things because I don’t want to hurt her. I don’t want to see her emotionally hurt. I just don’t.
So, given all three considerations, we’ve made three plans.
The first one, and perhaps most drastic, is what we’re calling LO’s plan. She actually had no part in the decision because she is 3, doesn’t exactly know the alphabet, and can only count to 12 on a bad day, 21 on a good day. The plan is mostly made for her due to her innocence and what we will do to protect it. Basically, it’s if GlassCow does ever go so low to even say something mean-spirited towards LO to anyone. The plan is simply go NC forever. We do not call, we do not visit, and if we ever see her accidentally, we leave or ignore her coldly. It does not matter if she changes even completely after that point. That’s the act that will burn ALL of the bridges- even to her son’s family, we’re certain.
The second one is mine, it’s somewhere in the middle of We Will Never Even Retrieve Your Ashes (See above: LO’s plan) and Chances Galore (See below: DW’s plan). The James Plan includes several items of necessity for me to ever even want to talk to her again unless in dire emergency. Not sure why I’d be the only one to help her in an emergency, but, if it ever TRULY gets to that point and I still hate her, I am not cold-hearted enough to not save her from this theoretical issue only I can fix. Anyway, the most important part of my plan is that she receives extensive therapy for most of her large list of emotional issues. Now, I don’t mean she just goes plenty of times and that’s that. NO. I need results. Her hoarding needs to be addressed and managed to a degree where I can see her walls. Her clear OCD needs to be at least addressed. I understand that that might be harder to change, and it’s less of an issue to a certain degree. Her attachment issues, tantrums, and hatred towards me simply for my age need to be halted entirely. She also needs to dump Mr. ComeToJesus. That’s my plan, and I’m sticking to it for now.
Dw’s plan is much more lenient. She at least wants her mum to just see a therapist in a repetitive fashion, regardless of if Glasscow takes the extra commitment to actually become a better person while doing so. She wants GlassCow to be nicer to her, her brother, me, and our nephews, with no real definition to what that even MEANS. She also wants it to be clear that her boyfriend is no longer welcome.
We’ve not yet discussed a way of combining the plans, nor have we discussed it with GlassCow. GlassCow has been peppering us with phone calls and texts, as has her boyfriend. This is not yet as satisfying as I had hoped. Any advice is welcomed, please. It’s mostly why I’m posting it like this already.
Thank you for reading this.
She's been under involuntary psych hold
My MIL has recently been placed under involuntary psych hold. She is now out and has her cell phone back. She also showed up at our house (FM gave her the address) at 6:45am after blowing our phones up for two hours. She has not taken her medications since release or been to any follow up appointments.. 🤦🏻♀️