I think my 7 year relationship is about to end because she found someone new and exciting and would rather have fun than think about what we have built together. We have 3 kids but she doesn't care. She isn't even hiding it anymore. It is breaking my heart in pieces
The difference is that I don't want to live without her.
Edit: added a word.
<3 All I got for you my man. Ended a two year relationship two weeks ago because of exactly this. I can't even begin to relate to your situation, but at the end of the day, the kids are what matter. You heart might be broken, but make sure those kids love you and brighten up your day. There's nothing better than little munchkins or angsty teenagers showing their parents love. You got this my dude. :)
Someone once said this to me and maybe it can help you too.
(10 year split here, 2.5 years clean. It gets better buddy. No one around you probably gets it, as many haven't had a relationship half as long. Ignore the BS about moving on and how you'll stop thinking about that person. You won't, just in a different, more clear way over time. Try some new things, break every cycle you can, surround yourself with new situations and close friends. Don't push or force yourself to feel better about it, analyze and feel every emotion as it comes. Procees it, don't run away. A quote from the Neverending Story: "It has to hurt if it's to heal.")
My wife is Cherokee. Because I live in an Indian household I can see a counselor at the Indian health care clinic at no charge so I started going.
Side note - Thank you Indian clinic - I wish more people had access to quality mental health care at no or little cost.
My wife had lost her father, than mother, than her job all in a few short years. She was depressed and angry. She laid in bed all day. The bills were stacking up and I was working long hours.
I would get up in the morning and take the kids to school, go to work, come home for lunch and she would often still be in bed reading or playing games on her phone. I would work late, come home at 7pm and find the kids were not fed so I would fed them and send them off to bed.
I was angry. I had decided to leave her after 3 years of this.
About this time my Cherokee counselor told me about the wolf of love and the wolf of hate. I beleiave in the law of attraction so it made sense to me. I was feeding the wolf of hate and attracting all the negative feelings and strife in my life.
I stopped blaming everyone else and started feeding the wolf of love and ignoring the wolf of hate.
It took almost a year before my wife started believing I wasn't just being a dick and meant the positive things I said. To be honest - it took months before I started to belieave them too.
I keep feeding love and kept getting better at it.
I rejected negative people who weren't family and told family to stay positive.
My wife wanted to do art instead of going back to the business world. We came up with a plan. She went to nail tech school and now paints art on people's finger nails. She gets out of the house and loves what she does. She likes me again and she seems and says she is happy.
Recently I realized , I'm happy too.
Thanks wolf. Thanks counselor and thanks for reading this.
Have a good day ya all.
I keep the bad wolf starved and chained, but it's there.
You need to have a wolf willing to bite on reserve.
There's a very good podcast inspired by this parable called "The One You Feed", featuring interviews with psychologists, authors, artists, and experts in various other fields on how to feed 'the good wolf'. Well worth checking out.
Edit: you should be able to find it on itunes and all good podcast apps, if not the episode archive is here: http://www.oneyoufeed.net/category/featured/
This is something that people forget all the time.
On of my favorite quotes of all time: "Speak softly, and carry a big stick."
[Story] The 6 seconds rule
Ever since I was a kid I had a 6 second rule. That means that if I had something I needed to do but didn't want to, I'd count till 6 and do it anyway. My personal rule was to just never ever break that rule, that at 6, I HAD to get it going.
Most of the time I'd use it to get out of bed or get out of the bath. Sometimes I'd also use it to restrict my time playing "ok in 6 seconds I'll stop playing with my dolls."
As I grew older, I'd use it as a motivation to get it going with my homework, get off messenger, etc. It really worked well, the same rule applied; whatever happens, don't cheat the "rule of 6." Most of the time, I wouldn't even have to count till 6 because I knew it would just mean I'd have to do it, so I'd just do it anyway.
As an adult, I've pretty much conditioned myself to do things by the rule of 6. I've pretty much mastered most usual things in my life but the rule of 6 never fails me when I start something new. Exercising, running, getting cooking, starting reading, it just works for me.
At the time, when I was 6, 6 was my favorite number. So just go ahead and pick a number from 1-10 (although I'd suggest 3-10) and try it. The important thing is just to not let yourself down. Like any other trick, it only works if you allow it to.
My one is "just one more turn"
Yeah mines the same, i call it the 6 year rule.
Can't end on a loss. Can't end on a streak.
I work in a casino and this mindset is legit.
Take notice when things in your life are "normal" because it's probably much better than you realize.
There is an old Scottish saying: "If you build one bridge, they don't call you McGregor the bridge builder. If you save one life, they don't call you McGregor the life saver. But if you fuck one sheep..."
People tend to focus on the negative.
What if that stack of blocks that fell is at least 3 times the size of the ones around it?
This cartoon is great! It brings up two great concepts They are "awareness" and "perspective". Awareness is how we focus on what is around us now. While perspective is how narrow or wide our focus is.
Example: Work is terrible...But at least I got a job, I can someday get a better job, I can get better skills to get that future job, I'm working so I can be happy with my family.
He was a loving guy...
“When machines and computers, profit motives and property rights are considered more important than people, the giant triplets of racism, extreme materialism and militarism are incapable of being conquered.” MLK
First, I must confess that over the last few years I have been gravely disappointed with the white moderate. I have almost reached the regrettable conclusion that the Nеgro's great stumbling block in the stride toward freedom is not the White Citizen's Council-er or the Ku Klux Klanner, but the white moderate who is more devoted to "order" than to justice; who prefers a negative peace which is the absence of tension to a positive peace which is the presence of justice; who constantly says "I agree with you in the goal you seek, but I can't agree with your methods of direct action;" who paternalistically feels he can set the timetable for another man's freedom; who lives by the myth of time and who constantly advises the Nеgro to wait until a "more convenient season."
Shallow understanding from people of goodwill is more frustrating than absolute misunderstanding from people of ill will. Lukewarm acceptance is much more bewildering than outright rejection.
But it is not enough for me to stand before you tonight and condemn riots. It would be morally irresponsible for me to do that without, at the same time, condemning the contingent, intolerable conditions that exist in our society. These conditions are the things that cause individuals to feel that they have no other alternative than to engage in violent rebellions to get attention. And I must say tonight that a riot is the language of the unheard. And what is it America has failed to hear?...It has failed to hear that the promises of freedom and justice have not been met. And it has failed to hear that large segments of white society are more concerned about tranquility and the status quo than about justice and humanity.
It's sad to read these comments an how people can't see past the bad in someone. From what it sounds like he did some pretty bad things. That does not make his message any less true. Everyone must suffer the consequences of their actions, but that does not mean everything you do is wrong and cannot make a positive influence in the world.
But maybe this is the hate he's talking about, the constant lashing out at people for being human instead of loving them where they are at.
I've done some pretty awful things in my life and I have to live with them, I have no right to go around judging others for their past actions especially when people loved me back to health despite me being a pretty shitty person. I know I help people today and some days just by staying sane I know I'm making the world a better place just by loving myself. If I was shunned for my behaviors I would be dead or in jail.
People will always look for saints, and continued to be let down because they don't exist. That does not mean good does notexisit and that love cannot make a impact on the world. Thank god for those that were able to look past me and see someone else that I couldnt see.
The most important thing is I need this as a reminder, because I can hurt people today, and I forget the love the word has shown me. So I need this, I need to remember where it is I came from and how to be a decent human despite all my flaws.
Nothing increases anxiety faster than memes created by people who know nothing about mental health
Edit: Gold was a fantastic thing to wake up to! Thank you kind humans!
Reading all of these comments really solidifies to me just how big of a stigma there is against mental healthcare, and how important it is to have an open dialogue about it.
You know what decreases my anxiety? Sitting on my ass and playing video games. What works for some people may not work for others. This meme doesn't get that at all.
I had anxiety so bad (pretty much non stop for a year) and I can attest, in my case, action did nothing for me. Lexapro and Xanax was the only thing that worked for me. :D
Can confirm. Haven't been In school for a total of 38 days this semester. Improved my mental health just by having a breather. Ready to challenge shit now. What sucks is having your parents think your going down the hill but really you think your improving ._.
And now he's fighting human trafficking and child prostitution and speaking to Congress. And married to Mila Kunis.
It's easy to say that when you're incredibly handsome.
I'd suggest you take a look at the entire video from the Nick Kid's Choice Awards. While I am certainly not a fan of his acting, the message he delivered was spot on. One quote from that speech is particularly apropos, IMO: "Success looks a lot like hard work". From what I've read, he's also a venture capitalist working on a software which helps police track down victims of child sex trafficking. Maybe, just maybe, do a bit of research before you trash the guy because he's rich and good looking.
There are millions of super hot people working retail, working desk jobs, working as baristas and janitors. To sum up his life as being solely "anatomically lucky" is bullshit. The dude worked his ass off, is smart, is good looking and is also lucky. To be him you need to be a perfect storm and a tonne of that comes from work and effort.
Fear has been my downfall these past few years, since graduating college. Actually it's always had a grip on me. But it's easier to get away with it when you're a kid. Not so much anymore that I'm supposed to be a functioning adult! But I'm trying harder and harder to overcome it. I'm tired of fearing fear.
Edit: Thank you friends for all of the thoughtful responses. I feel so grateful! I take all of your advice and insight to heart. It means a lot. I'll definitely aim to be more mindful and wrangle that pesky fear. Thanks!
"I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."
Depends on what.
How to cook meth? Check. How to teach chemistry? check. How to transform from a scared weak person to someone with some backbone and confidence? check. How to beat rival drug lords of varying type in a turf war? check. How to know when enough is a enough and you're putting yourself, your family, and everyone else in danger to feed your unquenchable ego? ....Now you've got a point.
But you wouldn't wanna throw the baby out with the bathwater
He might have a point, but we all know that Walter White is definitely not someone you want to take advice from.
Imagine being that guy at the car wash reading this? "Yes! Terry Crews thought I was the coolest guy in high school!"
I would be thinking, "My legacy is to be this loser referenced in a Terry Crews quote on how to not end up like me".
Feels bad man.
Good quote but that font size and type is really out of place.
I've never seen Terry Crews not be smiling or laughing.
Not in the American education system
In the American education, a lot of teachers are way too under paid to care. And it starts at the very early stage..kindergarten/elementary school. My brother was a lot for his teacher to handle when he was young, and his elementary school teachers recommended special education (reform school), and intended to label him with Asperger syndrome. My parents went and met with the school principle on many occasions, and in the end, my parents stood firm, and refused to send my brother to special education.
10 years later, it is very clear that my brother has no Asperger syndrome and doesn't require special education. He was just a gifted teen who does require a bit more attention from his teachers. He graduated from college awhile back, in pursuit of biomedical engineering field.
Thanks for reminding me that I lost my streak in duolingo
The best feeling is when you're wrong and you know exactly why you're wrong and you stop making the same mistake. Or when you're wrong and you have no idea why, but you know exactly who to ask for help. Those are great feelings.