AdviceAnimals

It's been rough.

It's been rough.

As a straight guy, whenever a gay guy hits on you, remember this:

You know how much intestinal fortitude it takes to go ask a pretty girl out? Now imagine there's also a chance that her and her friends will not only mock you for it, but they'll beat the shit out of you just for thinking she's attractive.

The guy thought you were attractive enough that it was worth that risk to tell you so.

I just responded with laughter, said thanks and nodded to him. I have no idea how to handle these situations as someone who grew up in a town of 300 lol.

That's a coincidence. The guy hitting on him wanted to make his hole weak.

Nahhh, full time nursing student 😒.

My sister says this all the time.....

My sister says this all the time.....

Your sister sure likes to talk to you about sex if she says this to you all the time.

Ron was sitting on his bed perusing through a dirty magazine when he heard her voice. He looked up. "Oh. Hullo, Ginny," he said sullenly. "How're you doing?"

"Smashing. You?"

"Bollocks. Hermione says that she's 'unable to pursue a relationship at this point in time,' so I'm wallowing in self-loathin' and satiating my hormonal teenage urges by lookin' at the pictures in this dubious muggle magazine." He turned back to the page he was on and grimaced. "I didn't know people could bend that far back without magic…"

Ginny shook her head. "Well you know what? I think you're pathetic. Throw out that filthy thing and forget all about that trollop Hermione and get yourself a real woman."

Ron rolled his eyes. "Oh, yeah. And where d'you expect me to find o' of those? Korea?"

"Right here, stupid."

Ron blinked. "Whaaaa?"

Ginny motioned to herself. "Me. I can be your woman."

"But jeez, Gin… you're my sister!" Ron yelped. Ginny said nothing. Ron tried to explain it farther. "That means we're related, Gin. It's called incest."

"Your point?"

"My point is that it's wrong."

"So? Fred and George do it all the time. Have you heard the sounds coming out of their room lately?"

"But what about Mum?"

"What about her?" Ginny snapped. "She doesn't have a problem with the twins, why should she have one with us?"

"Good point."

Ginny slunk her way over to Ron's bedside and ran her fingers through his ginger hair. "Isn't it? And I know you want me, Ron. I've seen the way you look at me over the plate of blueberry scones, when you think that everyone's too busy with breakfast to notice."

Ron grabbed Ginny's hands from atop his head and began nibbling on her fingers. "You used to be so innocent, Gin. When'd you become such a slut?"

"Ever since Dean took me out behind the greenhouses when I was twelve. Then Seamus, and Draco, and Blaise, and Michael, and Neville…"

"Bloody hell! Neville?"

Ginny shrugged, in the middle of undoing Ron's trousers. "Desperate times called for desperate measures. Besides, Neville was a great kisser. Now Goyle. There's a bad lay…"

"Oh, god, Ginny! That's disgusting!" He paused in the quest of undoing her bra to pose a question. "What about Harry? Please tell me you didn't do anything wit' Harry…"

"Second base," she said bitterly. "He was too noble to go any further. Shame, really. And then he dumped me…"

"Finally. Somewhere that doesn't reek o' that big-headed git."

Ginny sighed. "Shut up and kiss me, big brother…"

Ten minutes later…

Mrs. Weasley, entering the kitchen with her youngest son and daughter in tow, was furious. "Arthur! Arthur, come quickly!"

Mr. Weasley staggered out of the den. "Yes, Molly dear? What is it?"

"Arthur, you would not believe what I found Ronald and Ginevre doing!"

"What happened? Were they touching my battery collection? What's wrong?"

She told him, after which Mr. Weasley promptly responded by passing out on the kitchen floor.

"Some help you are," Mrs. Weasley scoffed. She turned to her children. "How could you?"

Ron was dumbstruck, and therefore speechless. Ginny however, was far from silent. "Mum it's no big deal Ron and me were just experimenting and it went a bit farther than we planned but really Mum it's no biggie don't get your knickers in a bunch…"

"'No big deal'? Ginny, do you understand the repercussions of what you've done? Of incest?"

"I tried tellin' her Mum but she wouldn't have none of it!" Ron ejaculated loudly.

"Shut up, Ron!" Ginny snapped. "Mum, I don't see what the big deal is! Fred and George do stuff like that all the time and you don't flip out on them!"

"Fred and George are a different matter entirely!" Mrs. Weasley shouted. "Fred and George…"

At that moment there was a pop, and the twins apparated into the room.

"You called?" asked Fred.

"Boys, please explain to them…"

"No worries, Mum," said George. "We know what you kiddies were doing, and we just want to say that it's very wrong."

"While me and George are able to get away with it most splendidly," continued Fred. "Upon the sole fact that we are both men…"

"You, dear Ginny, are regrettably of the female persuasion. And, as such, are ripe and able to bear children."

"And the child you bear, if its father happens to be of any sort of blood relation to you…"

"Will be born with three eyes and twelve fingers and subhuman intelligence," finished George.

"We do hope we have been of the utmost help and service. But the joke shop needs attending, so now we must bid you all goodbye," said Fred.

"Goodbye," said George.

And with that, the twins disapparated from the room.

After an elongated moment of silence, Ron asked: "So, uh… what're we gonna do now?"

"I know one thing you two won't be doing," Mrs. Weasley said huffily. "Ginny, we're going to have to perform a pregnancy test spell as soon as possible. And I'm going to put a Chastity Curse on you, to prevent any further mishaps…"

"Aw, Mum!" Ginny whined.

"No complaints! Now, where did I put that book of procreation spells? Maybe it's in the bedroom…" She hurried off to find the tome.

When he thought that the coast was clear, Ron inched closer to his sister. "Hey, Gin?"

"Mmm?"

"Maybe if one of us gets a sex change…"

"Shut up, Ron."

"that's not a real feminist."

Edit.

Calm your tits, eveyone. I was just making fun of the oft-used, line, "that's not a real feminist." In fact, i bet this chick proudly claims to be feminist. I mean, just with any large, encompassing group, "that's not real _______" is used so much, there's a fallacy named after it. No true scotsman. I'm not saying it's a mainstream feminst belief, though, there are some out there claiming so, I was just making a joke.

I hear an incest story incumming

To congress wanting to sell internet history to ISPs

To congress wanting to sell internet history to ISPs

I want to be able to search for something when I'm curious, without having to worry about what this will mean later. Insurance price hikes? Interrogations when traveling into the U.S.? Unsolicited phone calls related to the topic I was searching for? Look, I just wanted to know what a Dutch Rudder was; I don't want to hear about your selection of adults-only cruises.

For reference, it is the ISP that already has your internet history. The ISPs are going to sell it to other people.

H3h3 said it best. Let's crowd fund and buy congress' Internet history.

This is the thing I feel like should be in the headlines. We're too used to thinking they can track out data instead of realizing they have and have been for a long time

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After turning in my two week notice...

After turning in my two week notice...

I once gave two weeks notice when working for one insurance company and going to another. The next day they told me to leave because I was going to a competitor. They still had to pay me for those two weeks, so it was all good with me!

I remember giving my two weeks notice at a previous job and then on my very last day my boss tried to hold me over for 2 hours to cover a guy that was going to be late. This happened all the time and the guy was never written up, it was one of my reasons for leaving. I gave him one of these faces and walked right out. Fuck you, Reed.

I remember giving my two weeks notice at a previous job and then on my very last day my boss tried to hold me over for 2 hours to cover a guy that was going to be late. This happened all the time and the guy was never written up, it was one of my reasons for leaving. I gave him one of faces and walked right out. Fuck you, Reed.

Man, the one and only time I worked in retail I wound up getting fired for underperforming in sales. The reason I was "underperforming" is because when there weren't customers in my section I'd do things like stock shelves, finish the monthly inventory nobody wanted to do, get ahead on end of day cleanup, you know, work. Everybody else would clock out and disappear for a while, if they didn't just go home for the day, so their sales per hour didn't go down, so obviously my numbers would be the worst.

The icing on the cake was the day I got fired I had only come in for a staff meeting, I wasn't on the schedule. Then the manager had to run out into the parking lot after me to ask if I could open because neither of the "star performers" that were scheduled to open had bothered to show up. I don't think I've ever laughed so hard in my life.

Some states don't recognize non-compete clauses

One of the biggest achievements of my life so far.

One of the biggest achievements of my life so far.

Makes me think you should have asked for more.

There wasn't much more to ask for. It's a cooks position at a health center that I'm fully qualified for. I'm not even changing emyployers, just locations.

It's depressing how 90% of the people in the comments don't want to just let you have this win. Congrats.

Not having to go through another probation period, which means quicker access to the health benifits.

Not having to repeat my training.

Get to keep my current pay rate. ( New job was $0.30 less)

Keep my original start date so my vacation and sick time don't get fucked with.

Even though the person I'm replacing isn't leaving until mid May, I get to start working full time as soon as I want.

I know that doesn't sound like much but the job itself should be much less stressful than my current one plus the fact that it's full time makes a huge difference.

Once your internet history is up for sale, insurance companies be like...

Once your internet history is up for sale, insurance companies be like...

Thank you for illustrating the problem with this bill.

starts googling 'Planet Fitness memberships' and 'Kale recipes'

I would like to refer to the movie Yes Man where Jim Carry is detained on suspicion of being a Korean spy on the basis of flying lessons, Korean classes and buying a random plane ticket. Having access to this kind of information enables LEOs to see patterns of behavior, even ones that arent there.

''OK Google, can a person be TOO healthy?''

Internet privacy law

Internet privacy law

any of these guys who EXEMPT THEMSELVES from this law should be immediately removed from office.

To be fair, you can opt-out of this browsing history selling. They are ruling on the change that you would have to manually opt-in.

Basically making it so if you are uninformed they can sell your information, unless you opt-out! So LPT, if this goes through make sure you OPT-OUT!!

EDIT: I agree that this is a bunch of bullshit, but we should be well informed about our bullshit.

EDIT 2: No one knows how to opt-out yet since this hasn't become a real thing yet. Likely it will be based on something with your individual ISP (not browser) as they are the ones collecting/selling the info. (facebook or twitter or instagram already do this kind of thing based on locations or topics you post/like a lot)

I am going to spam the shit out of this if true.

If there is an opt out button, I will make sure everyone I know in the US knows about this option.

I have a friend who said, I don't mind them taking my info, id like to get targeted ads...

To the absolute best of my knowledge there will be a way to opt-out. I'm sure it will be a scummy "unsubscribe" kind of thing for like 5 pages that load shitty and they will make it annoying as fuck to find, but it should be there for everyone.

For people telling others they should have nothing to hide, they sure have a lot to hide

For people telling others they should have nothing to hide, they sure have a lot to hide

That sounds like a good amendment idea. No special exemptions for Congress.

Congress would have to pass that...

I think we should crowd source buying Congress's internet history and posting it in a manner that public shames those idiots.

Not completely true. The states can circumvent congress by having 2/3rds of the states call for a convention and the amendment would need 3/4ths of the states legislatures to pass it. Now, this has never happened but it is a way.

Even now, confinement seems much more punishing than solitude.

Even now, confinement seems much more punishing than solitude.

It's psychological. I spent all my time in my room as a kid anyway, but when I was sent to my room as punishment it was hell. It's just like time out. I put my kid in a chair clear visibility of the room. it's just the fact that she's sitting in that chair that made it punishment.

It's not the solitude that concerns me about solitary confinement, it's the boredom. Nothing to do for months on end? No thanks.

No, You enjoyed playing video games and watching TV by yourself. Lock yourself in your room without any stimuli and you'll see the dangerous affects depriving humans of such things can have.

I know it's a joke, but most have confused liking watching TV and playing videogames, with the inability to derive any enjoyment from human interaction.

We all enjoy introspection, but don't confuse your inability to make friends with introvertion. That's like a fat person saying they are big-boned, it fails to address the problem.

I can relate to this. When I was a kid, I loved tying a rope around my ankles, and hanging the rope from a tree in my yard. It was fun to feel like spiderman, and I could do it all by myself. Then, I joined the local militia. One night, I was supposed to be on lookout in the south watch tower. I had forgotten my book to read while on shift, and quickly ran to my place to grab it.

By my awful luck, we got invaded the 4 hours I was gone. After the invasion, they ended up trying to hang me from a rope in a tree. I thought it would be fun at first, but they tried to hang me by my neck instead of my feet. Wtf? Right as I was about to lose consciousness, another tribe came in, killed the rest of the village, and an arrow cut me loose. I still have no idea how I made it out of that alive. Stupid Romans.

People seem to keep forgetting this option

People seem to keep forgetting this option

Politicians don't even try to hide their corruption and bs anymore. It's all out in the open and no one is ever held accountable. Is there not an agency that enforces any standard of laws against them?? It seems everyday there is another blatant unlawful action taken by those in power (bankers included) but no one gives a F. So frustrating and infuriating.

People are not forgetting this option but are rather dismissing this option. People nowadays are far more concerned about being right than the truth. This leads to confirmation bias and the ignorance of the truth.

*more concerned with "winning" than the truth.

The issue is there in a corrupt system where you need to take bribes to compete. Lobbying is nearly unregulated in how easy it is to subvert bribery laws.

Try one of these subthreads