[WP] Your 11 year old nephew just ate 2 of your LSD gummy bears 45 minutes ago and you have to make sure he makes it through sane

[WP] Your 11 year old nephew just ate 2 of your LSD gummy bears 45 minutes ago and you have to make sure he makes it through sane

"OK Hudson, you might be a little old to believe in magic but the gummy bears you just ate have magical qualities."

"What do they do?"

"They allow the dreamworld to escape into the real world. They're supposed to be used by trained sorcerers but I think you're ready to handle it. You will need some hints though to help you through this. First rule: Nothing from the dreamworld can hurt you. None of it is real."

"So why do you look so scared"

"Well... The dreamworld can be a scary place. You can't get hurt but if you stray too far you can get confused and it might be harder to distinguish what's part of the dreamworld and what's part of the real world. For that you'll need step 2. Do you know what an anchor is for?

" It keeps ships in place"

"Perfect. Now we need to create anchors to keep you in place. I want you to grab a piece of paper and write your name and my name and what you did and write some of your favourite things. Keep that list in your pocket and if you feel you need a reminder of what's real just take it out and read it."

"What kind of things should I write?"

"Do you have a crush on anyone at school?"

"There's this one girl..."

"She pretty?"

"She's amazing"

"Good. Write her name there too. "

"I'm starting to feel a little wobbly. It feels like my legs are spaghetti"

"That's totally normal. Different people's body react differently to the entrance of the dreamworld."

"I feel hot. I think I'm getting dizzy"

"Shit. I totally forgot you'll need to drink at least 3 glasses of water to keep hydrated."

"I'm scared"

"Don't be. I'll be here the whole time. The best part about the dreamworld is that you're in control and it's mostly happy."

"Mostly?"

"Yes. No one can be happy every single second but the dreams aren't here to make you sad. They just want to have fun in this world before they're sent back to the dreamworld. Not all dreams are of people. Theyll be fairies and puppies and colors you've never seen before. Don't fight your thoughts. This world is beautiful and the dreams can remind us of that. The easiest way to make sure of that is an activity. What do you think about going out and playing catch with your old uncle?

"Uncle Terry why does my skin feel funny?" Timmy asked staring at his hands.

Shit.

"And why are the walls melting?" Timmy was staring wide eyed at the wall.

"It's okay buddy. Those bears were magical! Like the candy from that book you like."

"Like in Harry Potter?"

"Yeah just like in Harry Potter. But because you aren't a wizard it's having some pretty gnarly side effects."

"I'M NOT A WIZARD?" Timmy screamed.

"Nope, nope, sorry, you ARE a wizard! And this is just you seeing into the realm of magic."

"Watch out Uncle Terry the floor is lava!"

"Oh no!" Terry said dramatically and jumped onto the couch next to Timmy.

"The couch is safe Timmy, the magic realm can't get you if you stay on the couch. Try to close your eyes and imagine happy things, like puppies."

Timmy shut his eyes for a second and thought about puppies. Cute, adorable, fluffy puppies running free in a field of wild flowers.

"Come run with us Timmy! Tee hee!" Timmy had never heard a dog say "tee hee" but he just assumed they were also magical creatures! Timmy leapt off the couch and began to run around the living room chasing invisible puppies.

"Dodged a bullet on that one," Terry said happily to himself as he watched Timmy run around with a huge smile on his face.

"Wait, what's happening?" Timmy asked horrified.

Dark storm clouds rolled over the field of wild flowers. Lightning forked from the clouds piercing the ground sending shockwaves through the field.

"THE PUPPIES!!" Timmy screamed falling to the floor on his hands and knees trying desperately to put the puppies into a basket.

"Quick get the puppies to the couch! It's safe there!"

"Help me get the puppies!" Timmy sobbed as he reached out and picked up another invisible pup.

Terry knelt next to Timmy and scooped up a handful of puppies and put them in the wicker basket.

"That's all of them! Hurry to the couch!"

Terry tossed Timmy up onto the couch and threw a blanket over his head.

"This is the magic cloak of protection, nothing can harm you or the puppies if you're under it!"

"Th-thanks Uncle Terry. Magic is pretty scary," Timmy mumbled.

"Yeah it is. You just stay under there for a while I'm going to get you some water."

As Terry returned from the kitchen with a cup of water the front door opened.

"James! You're home early!"

"Yeah traffic sucked we decided to not go to the show," James said.

"Okay bro, before Cindy comes in, there's a little problem," Terry whispered.

"What problem?" Cindy asked pushing past James into her house.

"Oh I just have to leave early is all. Have a wonderful night!" Terry said in a rush and sped out of the door nearly sprinting to his car.

He slammed the car door and could hear Cindy's piercing scream through the window.

Well, guess I won't be babysitting for a while.

Thanks for reading! Check out /sub/written4reddit for more stories!

This guy has actually done acid.

For the rest of you, come on, the first step to good writing is to research your material!

Who brings 2 lsd bears to a babysitting gig!? But nicely done :D

The fun uncle. ;)

There once was a boy of eleven,

He ate the gummy bears from heaven,

He then shrieked with glee,

For he ate LSD,

And now there's a patient named Evan.

So now I have an excuse to do drugs?

Well, trying some psychedelics might help you see that you don't need an "excuse" to try something. But in the meantime, yeah, that's a good excuse.

A funcle?

is it weird that in my head the Timmy character was played by Timmy Turner and the Terry character was played by Terry Crews??

Hey mate, nice story/writing. I feel like this would actually work with someone taking LSD (accidentally or not) for the first time.

If it was Rick and Morty, it would probably go something like this: "Oh jeez Rick, m-my skin feels kinda funny. An-and why are the walls melting?" Goddammit, M-urp-orty! Those were my acid bears M-urp-orty! You're tripping bear balls now, Morty! This is why I tell you not to get into my shit, M-urp-orty! How am I gonna get high now, Morty?"

I feel like this was written for people who haven't actually done acid.

Stephen watched with a mute sort of horror as his nephew bounced up and down on the couch, hollering at the top of his voice.

"I'm hungry, uncle Stephen!" Jason screamed, his face red and flushed.

The gummy bears, it must have been. There were only three left in the side pocket of his backpack - last time he'd checked, there had been a couple more. Kids were curious. Jason could have gone through everything in the backpack while he made dinner. He'd probably gobbled them down without a second thought.

Stephen felt vaguely nauseous. What effect would they have on an eleven-year-old kid? He didn't know the boy well enough to measure the effects against his normal behaviour - he hadn't seen Jason in more than two years. It was his first time babysitting since he and Diana had moved closer to his family.

"Jason, did you find some gummy bears and eat them?" he yelled at the boy. Jason jumped down from the couch.

"GUMMY BEARS?" he said, his eyes lighting up. "Where? Where? Is that what's for dinner?"

Stephen fumbled for his cellphone and punched in his sister's number. He stammered out a story about Jason falling sick while keeping an eye on his nephew.

"I'm on my way," Lisa said tersely, before hanging up.

He put on a cartoon to try and distract the kid, but it only made things worse - Jason seemed almost hysterical, slapping the armrests as he rocked with laughter at everything. God, Lisa was going to murder him. He'd volunteered for babysitting because he and Diana were considering having a baby - figured it might be a good idea to hone his parenting skills.

Stellar fucking job, he told himself bitterly as he watched Jason giggle to himself. How could he have forgotten about the gummy bears in the first place? Nick had shoved them into his hands the last time he'd visited.

His old college roommate was still the same person, five years after graduation - partying it up every weekend and experimenting with every type of drug he could get his hands on. Stephen had been too discomfited to say anything, and had simply shoved them into his backpack.

And forgotten about them, like a moron.

Lisa pulled into the driveway as the show he'd put on for Jason ended. She rushed in, not sparing a glance for Stephen. She just sank to her knees in front of the kid and felt his forehead.

"Moomm, let me go," Jason whined, wriggling free and whooping as he ran from the room.

Lisa frowned at Stephen.

"He seems fine," she said. "Did he vomit, or something? Why do you think he's sick?"

"Fine?" he echoed. "Look at him! He's - he's acting crazy."

He took a steadying breath and was about to tell her about the gummy bears, when Winston, his sister's dog, ran into the room. The spaniel was barking nonstop. He skidded to a stop and snapped at the air.

"Winston!" Lisa said. "What's the matter with you, boy?"

The dog merely whined and sprinted from the room again.

"Weird," his sister said. "He's usually so calm..."

Stephen laughed weakly as he watched the dog roll in the dirt outside.

"Well, though I don't see why you had to call me back from my dinner, I appreciate it," Lisa said, squeezing Stephen's arm. Faintly, he could hear Jason yelling as he played upstairs.

"You're so worried about keeping him safe. You're going to be a great dad someday," she smiled at him.

"Yeah, about that," he asked. "Is Jason usually so...uhm, hyperactive?"

She chuckled. "Jason's a handful, but he's just a kid, Stephen. Most of them are like that, acting like they're drunk or on drugs half the time."

Hope you enjoyed my story! You can find more of my work on /sub/inkfinger.

"Uncle..... your gummy bears are talking in my stomach nowww.... Ohhh they say that I should follow them to gummy bear landd...." Tommy was literally drooling when he said that, lying there on the floor in my room.

I left my door opened for a minute, and the next he was inside, hands in his mouth, both my LSD laden gummy bears missing. Luckily for me, I had managed to keep him in my room long enough, and now the effects were starting to kick in. However, not helping my situation was my sister downstairs, yelling for him, saying that it was time to go home.

I could only imagine the hell that would be unleashed should she find out that Tommy was on an acid trip, thanks to me.

"Ugh, sis you can go back home first! I'll send Tommy over later!" I tried to scream, one hand over his mouth. He was blabbering something underneath my hand, trying to reach for his mother. With my one free leg I managed to close the door, and whispered impatiently to Tommy, "Look Tommy, if you want to visit Gummy Land, you have to stay real quiet up here okay, while I go talk to your mum. As for her permission."

He looked at me with those wide eyes, before breaking into a smile. "Ohhh kayy... shhh..." he whispered back, a finger over his lips. I had never seen a kid high before, but deep down inside I knew it won't be good. My job was to keep Tommy as Tommy, not some weird kid by the end of the entire experience. And definitely the last person whom should know was my sister.

I hurriedly went downstairs to my sister, and gave her a half cooked story about some uncle nephew bonding time. She shot be a disbelieving look at first, before reluctantly agreeing. Any time off from looking after an 11 year old kid was a respite, I guess. She took her car keys and drove off, leaving me alone with Tommy in the house.

Problem one solved. I breathed a sigh of relief as I head back to my room. As long as I can keep Tommy within the house for the rest of the day, I am confident things will turn out fine.

The only problem was when I reached my room, Tommy was no longer there. I had forgotten to lock my room door again.

"Tommy!" I called out, horrified. My sister is so going to kill me. And then at the corner of my eye, I spot him crawling him to the bathroom.

"Tommy! Stay right there!" I yelled, as I ran towards him.

Wrong move.

He shrieks as he saw me coming, running down the staircase. "The dragon is attacking! Run little gummies, run!"

"I'm not a dragon!" I tried to run after him, but being an overweight dude at 25, I was in no condition to compete with a energetic 11 year old. By the time I reached the bottom of the staircase, Tommy was gone again.

"Tommy," I gently called out, tip-toeing across the living room. "Tommy, your gentle uncle Gandalf is here..." I tried to put on a comforting voice, not even bothering to check if Tommy knew who Gandalf was.

The sound of plates crashing in the kitchen brought me swiftly over.

"Oh good lord..." I muttered as I stepped into the kitchen, the sight of broken dishes everywhere. Not only my sister will kill me now, my mother will too. Her precious China laid broken on the floor, smashed into a hundred pieces. And crawling on top of the cupboard was Tommy, a knife in his hand. How did he even climbed up there in the first place?

"Step aside, you evil old wizard! Dora says you're evil!" For an 11-year old, his vocabulary was pretty impressive.

I walked slowly towards him, trying to coax him in my most soothing voice as possible. "Hey, Tommy, don't you remember me? Uncle Bob? Remember? I was the one who introduced you to the gummies..."

"Liar!" Tommy screamed, before throwing the knife at me.

"Whoa!" I yelled as I barely ducked the knife, which hit the the fridge and bounced back inches from me. There was another sound of plates crashing, and when I turned back, Tommy was headed for the front door. No, please, not the door.

"Gummies, we will be free!" he shouted excitedly, waving his shirt in his hand. He was now topless. If he reached the door, my life as I know it will be over.

I summed up whatever strength that I had left, gave a loud roar, and took off after him. The roar managed to distract him for a few seconds, which gave me ample time to tackle him to the ground.

"Let go of me, help, gummies, the troll's got me!" he screamed and shouted as he struggled in my arms, determined to break free.

I tried to held him the best as I can. "Shh, Tommy, calm down, it's me, Uncle Bobby, we are friends with the gummies together, remember?" I repeated several times to him.

Tommy eventually calmed down, his face staring inches from mine. "Uncle Bobby? There was a dragon just now... I was scared. It was going to eat the Gummy Land." And then he started to cry.

"There, there Tommy, no one's going to eat the Gummy Land," I tried to sooth him. "In fact, Uncle Bobby has just the thing to protect the Gummy Land." My hands fished out two pills from my pocket.

Tommy's eyes stared at them intently. "What are these, Uncle Bobby?"

"Well, this Tommy, these are magical power pills. Once you eat them, you'll become the most powerful warrior of all!" I handed the pills to Tommy while I slowly carried him to the kitchen.

"All you have to do is to swallow them, and in no time you'll be able to defeat the dragon!" I continued, as I filled a cup of water. Tommy seemed to be believing me at least, which was good.

"Ohhh..." he said, as he popped the pills into his mouth, and drank the water eagerly.

"I am... am going to be strong now!" he declared, as his voice started to trail off. I could only hope that sleeping pills work as well on kids as the LSDs.

Edit: Extended the story.

/sub/dori_tales

Yes, but I'll allow it.

Its even more hilarious if you read it with Rick and Morty's voices

His palms are sweaty Knees weak, legs spaghetti

It started with the giggling. The unstoppable, contagious giggling. Giggling like that from an eleven year old boy usually meant he was making a mess, or lighting something on fire.

Setting down the lunch dish I had been washing I rushed up the stairs and into David's room.

It was much worse than anything I could have imagined. On the floor in front of my sprawled out nephew, was my bag of individually wrapped LSD bears. In front of David were two empty wrappers.

"Hey buddy, you doing okay?" Slowly I made my way to him, careful not to startle him in his state.

"I cant." He gasped through his laughter. "Stop laughing." Another burst of giggles. "I don't even know what's funny." David roared and rolled around on the floor.

"Probably everything right now bud." I muttered to myself, wondering how I was ever going to explain this to my sister.

"Aunt Amy." He gasped though his tears, clutching his cramping stomach. "The carpet is dripping." An uproarious laugh burst from him and his giggling started anew.

Jesus, I am never going to get him off the floor. And like he heard me, David sprang up, grabbing the bag of gummy bears.

"NO!" I slapped them out of his hands as he went for another one.

"But why? They're soooooooo good." He reached for the bag on the floor and I grabbed his shoulders, easily pushing him back into the upright position. His pupils were as big as his grin.

"Because they are mine and you already ate some without asking." I softened my voice, I really didn't want to upset him, but he needed to stay away from my stuff.

It didn't work.

"I'M SO SOOOOORRY AUNT AMYYYYYYYY!" Fat tears rolled down his freckled cheeks and he sobbed pitifully into his hands.

Of course I made him cry....Go me...

"It's alright bud, I'm not mad, hey, how about some ice cream and some soothing Planet Earth?"

At the mention of ice cream he immediately perked up, and was out of his bedroom and down the stairs before I could turn around.

When I entered the kitchen he was on the floor, again in tears.

"What's wrong Buddy?" I knelt down to look in his face.

"The hic fridge told me sniffle that there was no ice creaaaaaaaaaaaaaaam!" His sobbing intensified and I resisted the urge to giggle at his plight.

Before I could stop myself, I said something incredibly stupid.

"Don't cry bud, why don't we go down tot he corner store and grab a few pints?"

Shit.

His cherubic face beamed at me, his tears forgotten.

"AN ADVENTURE!!!!!!!" He rushed into the foyer, slamming into a couple of walls in his haste.

"Please kill me." I muttered, staring up at whatever God there was, who was surely laughing at me.

When I went to pull my boots on David was already prepared to leave, and bouncing on the tips of his toes, staring intently at a dying houseplant in the front window of their home.

"Are we walking Aunt Amy, or are you going to driiiiiiiive us?" He giggled. "Your car looks like an eggplant." And the gates of laughter burst open again, and David was again fighting for his breath. There was no way we were walking anywhere with him like this.

"I'm driving us, I want to get back pretty fast."

"It'll be hard to drive an eggplant!"

"Just....Let's go." I took his hand and we walked to my ugly purple PT Cruiser.

As soon as he was inside and buckled in he began to hum about sitting in an eggplant, and how much dryer it was on the inside than he was expecting. I was just hoping to survive the day, and not have the police called on me.

The whole way to the small convenience store his nose was literally pressed to the glass, the contents of his nostrils available for all passersby to see.

"Those guys are walking backwards. The trees are sparkly today, and why are the squirrels yelling?"

"Not sure David, maybe they just like to."

He nodded sagely.

"Well I just hope they don't hear us talking about them, because then we would be surrounded.....furrounded." He burst into giggles and I rolled my eyes at the terrible word play.

"We made it." I said this more for myself than David, but he was vibrating in his seat with excitement.

As soon as I was out of my seat he was out of the car and through the doors, immediately making his way to the freezers in the back of the small store.

I watched the brunette head of hair weave through the aisles, and come to a dead stop before the mesmerizing slushy machines. Their neon colored undulations hypnotizing David in his elevated state. I slowly approached him as not to startle him, and he was pressed so close to the blue raspberry slush that his eyeballs were almost touching the Plexiglas.

"David?"

"Forget the ice cream, I want a cup of magic." He didn't turn to look at me, he didn't avert his eyes from the glowing blue swirls. "A big one."

"Well you will have to move, I can't pour it with you standing there." Begrudgingly he moved back and I slid the cup under the spigot.

"You wanna pour it?" David's head bobbed so hard I thought it would snap his neck, and with tentative hands he pressed down on the lever, spilling out the raspberry drink.

"I AM THE MOST POWERFUL OF MAGICIAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNSSSSS!" He screamed out and ululated loudly, causing every human in the building to look our way.

Quickly, as to avoid further exposure I hustled him to the ice cream case, where I grabbed a few favorites and a box of popsicles.

The clerk looked at us oddly as she took my cash, her eyes mostly fixed on the boy with the lidless slushy who was simply staring into the blue ice. She bagged our items and we sprinted out, forgetting the receipt, it wasn't like I was going to return the stuff.

Once in the car I breathed a small sigh of relief, and before long we were pulling back into the driveway of my sister's home. David had not spoken or looked up from the blue slushy since I had placed it in his hands.

With little coaxing I got him into the house and onto the couch. I wrapped him in a blanket and popped in an episode of Planet Earth.

He continued to stare into his drink until he was pulled from it by the sounds of a troop of monkeys on the television. Intently he watched them whoop and holler, occasionally lowering his mouth to slurp at his drink.

I sat beside him, watching both him and the program, eating small bites of mint chocolate chip ice cream. It would seem he was becoming slightly more calm as he watched the animals on the tele, and I took the opportunity to relax a bit.

Until David decided to launch himself out of the blankets and at me, giggling uncontrollably and gesturing to the television.

"JESUS! David what is it?!" He snorted a giggle and pointed to the monkeys on the screen, who had surrounded another animal.

"They have him.....FURROUNDED!"

Thanks for reading! Any feedback is greatly appreciated!

Yeah, as someone who has a few times, I might have to do something like this when acting as a first-time-trip guide.

Now let's listen to the entire 1977 Grateful Dead tour run...

I can answer that for him. No, he definitely hasn't.

Not for the power? That rush when you pull someone over knowing you are giving them a ticket no matter what? Pocketing all that cash before it's bagged for evidence? You got kids to put through school you can't afford it on a cop salary.

But then your partner Ricky was going soft. Said he couldn't do it anymore. So you had to shoot Ricky and frame a couple of gang bangers for it.

And as you sit in your squad car waiting for back up to arrive you think back to that moment when you thought..."I'll be a cop because it's a good career choice..."

Yeah. If I continued this story I probably would've noted that at some point the kid is gonna get distracted by some kickass patterns or be unable to play catch but I think it's important at the start to be doing something relatively easy and engaging and visceral. You wouldn't want the kid to get lost in his own thoughts.

all right, you write something cool then mr. acidman

Plus, logical amounts of elaboration on detail to ensure life-like qualities in a character.

This guy may have done acid, but the story doesn't need to lack quality in trade for a more accurate depiction of an event.

Exactly

I played a LAN game of Starcraft with my buddies while tripping ages ago. I took "Construct additional pylons" to heart. I'm pretty sure I only built pylons.

Timmy is an average kid,

Who no-one understands,

Mom and dad and Vicky always giving him commands,

All doom and gloom up in his room,

Vanishes instantly,

He accidentally ate a couple gummy bears,

Infused with LSD

He is his screwed uncle, very screwed uncle

(Holy shit I think I'm outta here)

Screwed uncle, very screwed uncle,

(Really odd gummy bear Timmy looks pretty scared?)

Oh god, think they're back, don't worry, but uh, while I'm here, don't tell cindy - OH MY GOD, GOTTA RUN

Screwed uncle, very screwed uncle,

It flips your lid when you are the kid who's uncle possesses LSD gummy bears why would you bring those when you're babysitting an 11 year old child what.

Ending riff

My excuse for camping at Joshua tree? We had an ounce of mushrooms.

I wish I had you as a trip sitter

I sat on the rocking chair, wondering just when the little bastard was going to sleep. My sister said that he would be ready to collapse by about 10 o'clock, but from the occasional noises and high pitched squeals coming from his room-

"Wheee!"

Peace and quiet were far, far away.

"You know what," I said to myself, growing frustrated with his constant nonsensical blabbering, "I think it's time to go and check on him."

Now, you've got to understand the way laziness works. One moment you're sitting there, and the next moment it's been an hour because you really, really don't feel like getting up. I mean, the reality tv show that's playing in the background of your mindscape is just passable enough that you can lie to yourself and get away with it. You sure you don't want to see what happens next, like who gets voted off the island?

"I'm not even watching survivor, brain." I trudged to the screaming child, making sure to avoid the spoilt brat's toys that he'd littered about and opened the door to find him on his back and waving at the ceiling of stars.

"Auntie Alex!" he cried, arms flailing about as if trying to swim through the air. "Quick, get down before they see you!"

I rolled my eyes and slugged myself over, plopping down beside him. "Before what sees me?"

"Before they do!" He pointed at his ceiling.

"Before... the stars?" He nodded furiously, his neck ready to snap at a moment's notice. I had to blink a few times.

"Look, dear, you need to go to sleep, is something bothering you?" His head vibrated from left to right, his entire body shaking with him.

I've really got no other way to put it so: And that's when it hit me. Noticing his eyes, those oversized pupils, I pinned him to the bed by the shoulders. To which he squeaked, and giggled.

"Th-that, hehe, that tick..." he giggled, "les, auntie..."

"George," I began, as stern as I could muster, "did you eat the gummy bears I told you not to?"

Okay, so go ahead and call me a bad babysitter. I thought the little rascal would be out cold, and I could have an enjoyable evening, seeing as my phone was stuck in the repair shop.

His cheeks flushed red and he shook his head. Kids are awful at lying.

"No, I didn't eat two of them," he managed, clearly holding back a laugh.

Especially when on LSD.

The first thought through my head, play it off as a dream or a joke. He'd be fine. Probably. I needed to make sure my sister didn't rip my head off.

"George," I said again, "are you going to tell mom that you ate my gummy bears?"

He laughed again, shoulders somehow ticklish and mouth wide open as it to speak. The next thing, my ears were screaming in pain as the banshee of a child wailed as if the world was ending.

"Ahhhhh!"

My hands leapt off him to cover my ears, eyes screwed shut and nose wrinkled up. "Jesus, George, calm down!"

He didn't calm down.

Instead, he threw himself off the bed, almost comically landing on the floor and sliding to the lying position and rolling under his bed. With more than a few loud knocks, signalling potential damage.

I followed, hot on his heels.

"Geor-"

"Ahhhhh!" he shrieked once more, a foot smacking me square in the jaw and landing me flat on my ass.

"Get away from me! Get away from me! Get away from me!" he chanted, holding his head and kicking at the air where my face once was. "Get away from me! Get away from me! Get away from me!"

"George?" I asked, reaching for my phone.

See, the thing with acid is that you need — the moment people start panicking — to console them. Otherwise, the entire experience becomes a living nightmare. Thankfully, I knew exactly what he liked.

I pulled out my-

Repair shop, my most unhelpful brain remarked. I did my best not look angry, cracking a crooked smile as uncomfortable as having 'the talk' with your parents. "S-stay right there, I'll be right back."

To my amazement, he nodded.

While music is not a fix-all bandaid, in my experience, one's favourite songs tended to do the trick. So I did the only thing I could, in a house with wifi, but no devices I knew the passwords to.

Blu-ray player on, hands rummaging through discs and TV set to maximum volume. If I could, I would have cranked it up to 11.

"George!" I yelled, hoping that he wasn't panicking as I bolted to standing again, off my knees and as far away as I was comfortable for the remote control still working.

Loading...

Loading...

Loading...

The disc whirred to life, and logos blared through the speaker system.

"Come on, come on," mumbled, trying to convince myself that the high pitched whining had nothing to do with his panicking.

"Come on," I mumbled, going to the soundtrack selection that few movies (Thank you, Dreamworks!) had these days and picked the only song that would get him out of his panic.

"Save me Smash Mouth," I whispered, running into his room. Sweet, sweet singing to my ears.

"Somebody once told me the world was gonna..." George started singing before breaking out into hysterical laughter.

"Hehe... and they d-don't," he giggled, completely out of tune, "st-stop comin' and they don't..."

More laughter, as I reached in and began dragging him out his makeshift hideout.

He mumbled, between wheezing breaths, something about some Twitch streamers that I didn't quite catch. Probably Minecraft if I had to guess.

"Alright, George, you okay?" I sighed with relief, when all he did was nod his head and keep laughing.

A few hours later, when the tears had subsided and I managed to get him to just relax and listen to the soundtrack to Shrek, he fell asleep. And no one would know the wiser.

Crisis averted.

"Wheee!"

And they don't stop comin'.

/sub/alexurwin

To be fair that uncle handled that bad trip like a boss lol I would want him around no doubt

If I was the kid my uncle would have just raided my piggy bank until he collected the amount of money it would take to buy more gummy bears. Then would probably murmur something to screw with my lack of sanity even more like "dont you know your teeth are edible!"

classic uncle stuff you know!

Just out of curiosity, have you ever done acid?

Dogs on drugs

I dunno man lsd doesnt really make you see shit thats not there. Its more like what is there is distorted in some way.

Why are you a cop?

I'm a cop because it seemed like a good career choice

I know right!? Go big or go home

I know right!? Go or go home

She saw her son high on acid.

It's actually an interesting idea. Technically, there is no such thing as an overdose of acid, IE: it won't kill you. There have been instances of people doing a "thumbprint" of acid; lick your thumb, stick it in a dish of pure LSD crystals, then put your thumb in your mouth. Some of the accounts written by people who claim to have done this are very interesting. I think LSD is easily the most fascinating drug out there, I really hope I live long enough to see it removed from schedule one so that legitimate medical research can resume on it.

This is so much better than my trip sitter who didn't see a problem with walking us past a cop car.

I pleaded with the sitter, take us a different route. He (the cop) knows I'm tripping.

Sitter: its ok don't worry about it.

Me: what the fucks wrong with you?

But think of explaining to a kid. I'd be a lot less freaked out if someone mentioned cute puppies. I mean c'mon. Puppies.

video games while tripping? fuck no. nightmare material.

idk man. playing catch would prolly be tough

It's exactly 30 words, not previously written, and arguably not a joke response or a copypasta.

It's technically not a shitpost, the best kind of not a shitpost.

Yea, that's what I was thinking. Real acid visuals just look like everything is warping and wavy, and you just notice a lot of geometrical patterns. The real trip is in your thoughts . . .

Nailed it

And Simon. Simon and a... a....

only if you want to write about drugs

Uncle needs something to do too

wow that was great i wish it didnt end so soon i wanna see what adventures tommy goes on

I also read it in Rick and Mortys voice.

While I am not claiming he has not done acid what about this post makes you think that, the only description of the effects doesn't really match acid at all.

"Theyll be fairies and puppies and colors you've never seen before."

Lsd does not make you hallucinate random animals and creatures lol, maybe psilocybin mushrooms if you are really far gone.

Only if you want to write well. FTFY

I feel like the point is to put him in a good state of mind and to keep him from being afraid. Acid can (I'm assuming) really suck if you're already terrified before the trip starts

This is adorable and I liked the twist at the end. Excellent work! I've definitely had that feeling watching other people's kids...

Holy shit that was hillarious.

Gathered from Erowid

For those concerned about immediate medical hazards in ingesting LSD [...] Abram Hoffer has estimated, on the basis of animal studies, that the half-lethal human dose--meaning half would die (a standard measure for drugs)--would be about 14,000 [ug]. But one person who took 40 mg. (40,000 [ug]) survived. In the only case of death reportedly caused by overdose ( Griggs and Ward, 1977 ), the quantity of LSD in the blood indicated that 320 mg. (320,000 [ug]) had been injected intravenously.2

I can barely see straight when I'm tripping, let alone catch a small moving object. Worst case scenario, balls going to hit me in the face, and uncles going to have to explain a bloody nose or black eye. Playing video-games might be a better (safer) option.

I think his point is just that acid trips are nothing like that. You never see the walls melting or the floor as lava. It's entirely more subtle than that

Pretty sure your brain would just melt out of your ears with 5360 doses at once.

First offender who the fuck would waste 2 tabs like that⚠♿

ok thanks...now I'm gonna read it all again

On the phone

Uncle Sam: "Ay Dave... You remember those Looney Toons Gummies you gave me? You know, the California Sunshine... Ol' Juan Cristobal here decided he wanted to trip with Lucy in the sky with diamonds and ate them."

Laughter

Dave: "Well, I hope he likes Mexico."

Uncle Sam: "Fuck! What do I do?"

Dave: "How long has it been since he ate them."

"About 45 minutes ago, those things are set to kick in at any moment. I'm fucking screwed man. It's game over man, game over."

"Well... Fuck, bro... You may just be shit out of luck... What's he doing now?"

"I don't know, good question. Let me go see."

Walks into the next room to find the kid sitting in the lotus position staring intensely at the TV while Naruto is on

In a calming tone "Hey buddy, how's it going?"

No answer

"You alright?"

Blank

"You aren't feeling a little strange or anything right now, are you?

Doesn't even blink

"...Yeah Dave, he's just sitting there staring at the TV. I think he may be tripping balls here in a second. Ah, God, Lord Almighty, Why?

Dave: "How'd he get a hold of them anyways"

Uncle Sam: "I don't know, I thought they were in my pocket at first, then I noticed that they were gone. I thought to myself, "They must've fallen out". So I started looking around for them, when all of sudden the kid goes, "Uncle Sam, do you have anymore gummy bears that I can have". I was like, "What gummy bears?" Then it dawned on me... The little bastard just ate my acid..."

Laughing

Dave: "I can see him tripping hard. Licking window panes, stripping naked and pretending to be superman. Now Uncle Sam is irresponsible and a pedophile ." "Where'd he touch you son?"

Uncle Sam: "Shut up, I don't need that right now. Just tell me how long this stuff is supposed to last."

Dave: "4-6 hours. For a kid his age probably a little bit more. You may want to keep an eye on him, make sure he doesn't do anything crazy."

Uncle Sam: "Yeah, you're right." Aight then, I gotta take care of this."

Still Laughing Dave: "Good luck... I have no clue what you are talking about."

*Uncle Sam hangs up and proceeds to check on the kid just to see that he's nowhere to be found."

Uncle Sam: "Damnit! Where'd he go?" Ah!!! My brother is gonna kill me if he finds out."

*In a calming manner"

Uncle Sam: "Hey, pal, where are you?"

No answer*

Uncle Sam's heart sinks, he begins to worry. But then he sees the ninjas on the TV pop out, and out of nowhere, the kid appears.

Uncle Sam: "Whew! Thought I lost you."

Kids blank

Uncle Sam: "How you feeling?"

Still no answer

Uncle Sam begins to get paranoid. Starting to realize something that he had long forgotten. Slowly but surely, he starts to recollect his thoughts.

*The TV goes Naruto: "Shadow Clone Jutsu!"

Uncle Sam flips out, the kid begins to multiply, replicating the show.

Uncle Sam: "No, no, no. This can't be happening.

The kid fades away and vanishes again

Uncle Sam: "No, no."

Uncle Sam begins to hear a ringing in his head and voices from the sky begin to follow. He steps outside clinching his head, trying to make sense of it all.

Two shadows emerge

Uncle Sam: "What do you want from me, what is going on, What's happening?"

Voice 1: Sam! Sam! Stop! Voice 2: You're gonna be alright Sam, just take some deep breathes... Slowly... In and out, in and out.

Uncle Sam: "No, no, what are you talking about."

Uncle Sam had forgotten that he had actually taken the dose and had been hallucinating his fears, manifesting paranoia

Voice 1(m): "It's gonna be alright Sam. You're gonna be alright." Voice 2(d): "We need to get your clothes back on" Voice 1: "See son that's why you don't do drugs"

Uncle Sam finally realize the situation that he is in. Snapping back to reality he finds himself butt-ass naked on the corner of the street gripping a lamp post. Two shadows hang over him*

Perplexed

Uncle Sam: What? What...? What's going on?

Mom(m): You're the most dim-witted, irresponsible, lazy, piece of shit of a brother! You couldn't stay away from the drugs for 4 hours!? Really!?

Dad(d): "Alright champ, let's get you back home."

Mom(m): I mean, seriously. You do this while babysitting my child!?

Still dazed

Uncle Sam: " I-I- I don't know what to say."

Mom(m): "I swear, I could just..."

Dad(d): "I hope it was worth it."

Uncle Sam: ...

Turns out, Uncle Sam took the drugs and had forgotten. Called Dave the Dealer for help. Dave had no idea what was going on. To his surprise, he had picked up the phone to a inconsistently babbling Uncle Sam. Dave was trying to calm him down, but Uncle Sam just kept rambling about losing the kid. The kid had locked himself in his bedroom and had called his parents, stating "Uncle Dave is acting weird". Uncle Sam hallucinated the entire conversation between him and Dave, and thought it best for himself to just strip and go looking for the kid, cause "Everything is better when you're naked."

I tried playing catch with a football on ten grams of mushrooms; my friend and I were laughing to the point of crying (the neighbors we're out and probably thought we had gone insane ) and went back inside lol

This one was excellent, very realistic. My brother has gotten high a couple of times on my edibles cause they were in the fridge, and he didnt know they were full o' pot. Luckily he's already smoked before but trying to get him to chill and not tell him is a bit tricky but it makes it more fun when I tell him the next day.

Well, if one gummy bear is a decent sized hit, that's 100ug per gummy bear. A 26lb gummy bear has about 5360 normal sized (2.2g) gummy bears in it. That comes out to a little over half a gram of LSD. Doesn't sound like much, huh? It's potent shit.

Garfield Uncle? Did I do it right?

But then the puppies never come . . .

Watched transformers while tripping and it was the most intense awesome shot ever l. then I went home and played with my 2year old nephew. I lugged so hard at him while he ran around looking like he was a drunk little person. Good times. Christmas tree was pretty legit. Dropped two hits and my whole family was home NYE party.

Doc Ellis pitched a no hitter on LSD after he mixed up the rotation schedule and thought he wasn't pitching that day.

Your Uncle sounds rad. But in a horrible way.

This would be avoid story if that were anything like what taking LSD is actually like

Yea, not cool. Hell even after [Censored to stop old fart jokes] years of tripping, I still make sure there that I have a sitter. A bad trip can happen to anyone, regardless of experience. The sitter job is important and needs to be treated seriously.

This is awesome, dude. Very well written, and I think this is an excellent way of guiding someone with their first trip.

I ran around while on acid. Through the snow, I felt like a fucking gazelle man

That's a lot of mushrooms 🙃

If this settles it I have done acid. I've never seen any crazy hallucinations except when I've closed my eyes. I know that hallucinations are certainly possible and that people CAN experience them. I've done shrooms before too and i know most of the trip is in your head but one of my good friends had an awful trip that ended with him jumping out of a window to his death. Better to cover your bases with a kid i think.

Back in my college days, my buddy and I would play Worms:Armageddon on his computer while tripping. It was so much fun and to this day I still like playing the version that came out on Xbox 360(even though it isn't nearly as fun).

You mean you don't see puppies and other physical entities when you trip??

Haha what

That's true, "set and setting" is the credo for a reason. You really want to stay in a positive state of mind.

That's what I was thinking... obviously maturing it a bit, but this is some sound advice.

Well, when I was an au pair in the mid 90's, I was paid in both heroin and cocaine several times. There was a lot of blame to go around, in hindsight.

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