[WP] The Devil appears before you and puts a heavy hand on your shoulder, "Look, we need to talk about you putting me in every Writing Prompt."
"But you're just such a compelling character!" Rob moaned, flinging his arms in the air in frustration. "You're fun! You're mischievous! You're a goddamn karma goldmine!"
The Devil shook his head, disappointed. "There's literally an infinite amount of characters, plots and themes, Rob. Don't you think you're saturating /sub/writingprompts with me a bit?"
"Hey now, it's better than those fucking months of Trump," Rob replied, unrelenting. "And I swear to God, if I see another 'everyone has floating numbers above their heads'..."
The Devil actually nodded for this one. "Ok, sure, I'll give you that. But diversity breeds creativity, Robbie. You've just got to let me go. You've got to... now wait just a goddamn minute."
The voice sent chills down Rob's spine. "What? What is it, what's going on?"
The Devil looked around, fire in his eyes. He rapidly grew in stature, flames licking up all around him. His spiked tongue flicked out, tasting the air.
"Am I in a fucking META prompt?"
This was an unexp-
"No, no, none of that."
"No. No more prose. No more story. This is over. Blasted writers can't even talk about getting rid of me without putting me in the damned prompt itself."
If you didn't completely hate that, consider subscribing to my new subreddit.
I'll try add new (and old) stories every day <3
I took a deep breath. “Ok, here it goes. This one will get upvoted for sure.”
Hogwarts has a new teacher for Defense Against the Dark Arts… and it’s Satan.
The Devil shook his head. “Look, we just talked about this.”
“Yeah, but it’s a Harry Potter prompt,” I argued back. “Everyone knows those are the best. You only said not to make prompts that are just about you.”
He closed his eyes and rubbed his temples. “No. I said that you need to stop putting me into your writing prompts. Any prompt; even awesome Harry Potter prompts that some authors really seem to love. Got it? Try again.”
I tapped delete on the submission box and thought about it for a second.
Two people are having a discussion at the last moments of planet Earth.
“Good!” Satan read over my shoulder. “Open ended, leaves plenty of room for writers to take it in whatever way they wa….”
But I wasn’t done typing.
And it turns out that they’re actually God and the Devil.
“Come on!” Satan burst out. “Seriously, again? How thick are you?”
“But it’s a good prompt!” I shot back.
“No, it’s not! You put the fucking twist in the title! Now if someone tries to write a different story about something cool like trying to evacuate the planet, then they’re going to get downvoted for not following the prompt!” He thumped a fist on my desk, causing the keyboard to jump in the air. “Now do a real one this time.”
“Fine.” I set my hands back on the keys and thought about it for a moment.
A serial killer realizes that his date is also a serial killer... and they are both inspired to kill by...
"I swear, if you type what I think you're going to type, I will smack you silly," Satan growled.
I deleted that, but already had another idea in my mind.
Batman sees the names of Pokemon floating over the heads of every citizen of Gotham...
“Whatever,” Satan said with the most exaggerated eye-roll possible. “I don’t even care anymore, as long as I’m not in it.”
And realizes that it is the work of the Devil!
“That's it. I’m going to get the mods to ban you,” he growled.
“Oooh, that’s a good prompt!” I replied. “Satan needs a favor from the moderators, and he offers them a deal….”
“What is wrong with you? Look, it’s really not that hard.” He wrenched the keyboard away from me.
Aliens conquer Earth and destroy civilization; the only humans left to resist them are primitive tribes in Africa and the Amazon.
He shoved the keyboard back at me. “There. Easy upvotes, and without even mentioning me, OK? Submit that, and you’ll get plenty of great stories. People love that /sub/hfy stuff.”
“Fine,” I answered.
Satan turned away for just a moment, and I typed as quietly as possible:
and their only hope is to make a deal with Satan
“Now it’s good.” I muttered to myself.
“I give up,” Satan said, throwing his hands in the air. “I just… fuck you, man.”
“Hey maybe my prompts are shitty but at least it’s not one of those stories that ends in a blatantly obvious cliffhanger where the person is clearly trying to goad readers into asking for a part 2 so they can advertise their subreddit,” I told Satan. “Those are…”
We were interrupted by a hammering knock on the door.
“Uh oh…” Satan whispered under his breath.
Part 2 maybe on /sub/luna_lovewell????
redditor for 3 years
You've been waiting a while for this moment, haven't you?
I'm always waiting >:)
"And I swear to God, if I see another 'everyone has floating numbers above their heads'..."
Thank you. I've nearly unsubscribed due to these.
Give the woman his karma. He deserves it.
"But... you're the Devil. Everyone wants to read about you! Readers love you because you're so mythical and powerful -- you're the embodiment of evil. Plus, you're pretty cool. Some people even think you're kind of hot," said the writer, tugging at his shirt collar. The Devil let out an exasperated sigh but subconsciously moved his hand down toward his rippling red abdominals.
"Writers," the writer continued, "Can use you as a clever metaphor or uh... or as an allegorical device. Then maybe -- probably -- they'll try to subvert the meaning of your presence," said the writer. "It's so easy to tack on a last sentence twist, when writing about a fallen angel."
"But surely it's boring," said the Devil, rolling his eyes and snorting flames. "Every damned prompt. Me. Everything that can be done with me, has been done.Try something original, something based on reality maybe. A prompt with a little soul."
They'd already been arguing for hours, and had made little progress. The Devil, and the writer.
"People don't want reality. They want escapism. They want to imagine forces of Good and Evil duelling over control of existence."
"Then have God, or Jesus, in the prompt. I'm fed up of having my name cheapened."
"God? Hm, that wouldn't really work. This is Reddit - we have a lot of Atheist-Lite's around here. To them, God is a pretty disliked figure."
The Devil's mouth dropped open. "How disliked , exactly?"
"Oh, pretty disliked," said the writer, with a little laugh.
The Devil's strawberry face grew pale. "More than me?" he asked, in no more than a whisper.
"Hey, don't feel bad, big guy. They like to blame everything on God. Well, everything bad. And to them, there's a whole lot of bad in the world."
"But... that's thanks to me."
"They don't think so."
"So they blame God."
"Look, it's nothing personal. It's just cool to blame God. It makes religion look stupid. It's edgy stuff. It makes them feel superior - don't worry about it. You don't want to develop a complex. This isn't even about God - it's about you! Let's forget about it, we're going off on a tangent."
"No, it's too late to forget about it. I'm going to teach them all a lesson they'll never forget."
"I'm going to retire. No more bad. No more death. Soon, they'll have nothing to blame God for. Who will they throw their misplaced misery and project their self loathing at then? They will only have themselves!"
Woah there u/woah-there-satan, that's a long time
I also wanted to work in something about prompts that are nothing more than joke punchlines. But that will have to wait for part 2, I guess.
You should turn this comment into a book. I would pay thousands of dollars to read it.
“But why me?” Satan sounded almost pathetic asking me that, but I was still intimidated. "There are so many other characters you could choose. So many topics.”
“We could submit anything, but you have to understand, the most interesting topics never get read.” I opened up Reddit on my browser to show him the site.
Satan sat reading through popular prompts over the past month. Finally he looked at me, “You know, nobody has ever seen numbers over people’s heads. Even the most advanced synesthesia doesn’t produce numbers of those sorts. Why is that so popular?"
He kept reading. “Time travel is physically impossible. And even if you could travel back in time, timelines can’t be changed or broken. Killing Hitler would be impossible.”
The criticisms kept coming from Satan. “Intelligence sharing makes it very unlikely many government agencies would have undercover agents tripping over each other…. Queen Elizabeth is old, but isn’t some sort of ancient witch. Plenty of people with good access to healthcare live to her age. Why do people have conspiracies about that?…. What’s up with all these implausible theories for how the world ends? Have they not read the book of Revelations? It says it pretty clearly there…. Harry Potter isn’t even that interesting of a character. Hermione does all the work….”
Finally, having gone through everything recent, he turned away from the computer.
“OK, so cliche characters and plots are simple for upvotes. I get why I’m a character. But where are you /u/sketches1637 ? Why don’t you have any top prompts recently."
I responded as honestly as I could. “The mods keep deleting all my prompts that mention or allude to politics, which is what I like to write about. It’s some bullshit anti-politics thing they have going on related to Donald Trump.”
“Wait, wait, wait. The moderators have banned The Donald but let me stay around to be a character in all these crappy prompts. That’s outrageous! He’s about to be in charge of thousands of nuclear weapons and the most powerful military on the planet. I’d think we’d want to encourage writing about him. It’s far more important than stories about mythical beings, magic powers and cliche plotlines.”
I shrugged my shoulders, turned to my computer and typed in Satan sees numbers over people’s heads that show how many times they’ve thought about Batman killing Hitler. “Well Satan, you work with the rules you get."
A ROTTEN one ;)
With the use of name Robbie, I was expecting this to go a different direction.
Give the man his karma. He deserves it.
Now look at this prompt that I just found!
Satan is going to make people miserable by... not making people miserable anymore.
I can't believe this is plausible.
Write about HIM not ME! Ugh, let's try something else...
To persuade more to ask for a 3-part story, /u/Luna_LoveWell could skip Pt. 2 and make Pt. 3 while ambiguously referring back to events that transpired in Pt. 2. To figure out why the events that transpired in Pt. 3 happen they way they do, readers must ask /u/Luna_LoveWell for a Pt. 2!
e: fixed /u/Luna_Lovewell --> /u/Luna_LoveWell
e2: thank you, /u/codeklutch, for the correction to my post
Whoa there, your whoa there is way outta line, u/whoa-there-satan was just expressing herself!
M E T A E T A M T A M E A M E T
When I say light, be ready to write
Diabolical! How have I never thought of doing that? Taking in medias res to the extreme!
Now watch and learn, here's the deal
He'll slip and slide past these original spiels!
There was an attempt
It's funny because I've literally never seen that concept outside of this tiny corner of Reddit. At least there are plenty of other works featuring Satan, or crossover fiction involving Batman or Harry Potter.
Take my upvote and get out of here.
Also, Part 2?
did u just assume satans gender....?
Everyone has a floating number over their head representing the number of times they've posted a "floating number over head" prompt. One day you meet a stranger on the street - he is the first person you've met with a zero.
W H A T A R E Y O U D O I N G
I mean, I guess they fixed it?
*freemale. God bless America
I first read/saw it in Death Note.
It's not always that you get a visit from the devil. And when you do, you'd expect something bad to happen, like being pulled down to hell, finding out that you're his illegitimate child or being drawn to some eternal conflict that you had no idea that you're part of.
"Look, that's not what I am here for."
"Yes, I can see that you're already formulating a story in your head. Or a writing prompt, I don't really care. The thing is, I'm here to talk about something else."
It turns out that despite how people describe the devil, with horns, fire and what-not, he is actually not that much different from any human-
"Can you PLEASE just stop thinking about writing a story for a second? I can read thoughts too, just so you know."
And what do you know? Out of all the powers Satan is rumored to have, no one has expected him to have mind reading powers. [WP] Write a story where the devil reads your mind and ends up being disgusted instead.
"I AM NOT DISGUSTED. MORE LIKE ANNOYED."
The devil's voice boomed, shaking the very foundation of the house. His eyes glowed fiery red, and it seemed as if the ground itself was on fire. What could have possibly brought him to the mortal realm?
"I AM HERE BECAUSE OF YOU. Honestly, me and that white good for nothing guy up there agreeing on something? It's seriously overrated! What's with you humans and having to use me for all your story ideas? Or Hitler for that matter? Or Batman and Joker? I'm seriously nauseated with all these overused tropes."
What the humans never realized, in their quest to write good stories, was how Lucifer-
"OMG please stop. Your story doesn't even flow consistently! One moment I'm the devil, next I'm Satan and now I'm Lucifer? Your tenses and grammar don't even make sense! Like I said, please stop using me for every writing prompt or story you have in mind. It's getting old. Why not use Jesus instead? Or Jehovah? That name has better ring to it than Lucifer. And he's omni-"
Shaitan, however, never got to finish his sentence. A loud puff of smoke exploded beside him, revealing a old figure dressed completely in white. Like the figure in red, he was not pleased.
"I am not pleased because I overheard a brilliant idea coming from our dear friend Lucifer here. What makes you think I would be happy being the overused trope in stories?"
"Oh please, says the fella who enjoys being worshiped and adored."
"I don't! And haven't you heard before of the verse, never use the name of the Lord in vain."
As the two figures continue to bicker in an otherwise unassuming house, the protagonist swiftly returns to his computer, his fingers moving methodically across the keyboard.
[WP] The Devil and God landed in your house. They decide to argue about something stupid.
I had a [PI] post removed because I mentioned that the story was written the day after the election. Not even a mention of Trump or anything. The story wasn't even overtly political; it was about an acorn.
I just see meat,
No, I want a part 3
Come on, we talked about this.
Not as much as ide like
Ugh, let's try something else
As best as I can tell, it's a fairly broad ban on anything political. I recently had a prompt removed about the Russians hacking an online vote for high school prom queen, which I thought could be good for some satire.
They cut me deep, my man.
Off of the other guys thought, how much karma do you have from that face, just curious?
Calm down Satan
That was litrally the best story I have ever read here on this post that you have posted. Now if you'll excuse me I have to go run my 5 mile warm up to prepare for my 50 mile daily run
More upvotes than Luna Lovewell? Nice job man! Looking forward to seeing more on your sub!
No, you're right. I was having a cheap dig at the sub members projecting their rage onto religion.
The number of people I know who need some form of misery to vindicate themselves and be happy would fall squarely into this, and I don't think I'm the only one who knows these kinds of people...
Windows 3.11 is having a heart attack right now.
The sarcasm is real
That's somehow better than most of the ones people actually post.
His username is whoa there Satan.
Calm down, Stan
Ah, the Ferengi Rules of Acquisition strategy.
"You need to stop putting me in every prompt, man."
"But why? You're an interesting character, much more so than you let people believe." I replied, not even a bit surprised by the fact that the Big Guy himself was in my room. In fact, I was more honored and curious than afraid.
"No, Ryan, that's exactly the point. I'm the stereotypical bad guy. I punish people who do bad shit, I tempted a bunch of dudes and I'm in a perpetual war with God. That's it. There's only so much you can do with that and yet, I'm all over this goddamn subreddit. Just stop." He was sitting in my window, like he was about to leave.
"Or maybe..." He turned to me, while raising an eyebrow. "That's what you want people to think, by only letting them look at the parts of you that contribute to your image. Yes, you rebelled against God and were cast out, but you did so because you stood for something and that's more interesting to us. You desperately want to be a symbol, but let me tell you something: symbols might be inspiring or frightening, but they are not relatable. You are. You are imperfect, but so are we and because of that, you are more like us than you'd like to believe."
The Devil sat down on my bed and sighed with a tired look on his face. "Do you know why you sin?" It was my turn to raise my eyebrow.
"Becuse you hate Him and you want to steer everyone away from Him. I thought that was obvious."
"You sin because I don't want you to care about him, " I nodded. "or me." At this point I was confused.
"But if we don't care about either of you, then what are we supposed to care about?"
"Yourself and the actual people that you care about. The ones that you can see and not the ones that you read about in thousand year old books. You are so obsessed with us and the things we said and their implications that you simply forget to spend time with the things that are right in front of you. You sin, because I want you to live a little every once in a while. Be curious, be bold, make mistakes. Maybe in a few million years I will go into my final battle against God, but that will never, ever matter to you and it shouldn't. He wants you to be boring. I want you to make something of what you were given. Think about that and take care, Ryan."
As he left, I closed my browser window and just stared for a few minutes. I think I need to make a call.
It would be actually kinda cool to continue with these characters into something
Some sort of paradox...
At least he's trying, mate.
O R A
R A O
A O R
It's common decency to call someone by their preferred gender. Since you can't tell online, treat them like you would in person.
If you wanna be a writer number one...
In the Trek universe, the Rules of Acquisition are the code of conduct for the Ferengi, a highly greedy, corporate, profit-minded species.
The earliest Rules of Acquisition were written by the first Grand Nagus of the Ferengi. Legend has it that the second Rule of Acquisition ever written was Rule #285 (IIRC). When asked why he had done this, the Grand Nagus replied, "Why, to increase demand for the other 283, of course!"
Username checks out
"I'm serious, it's done. That whole cliche of 'The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled', I did that for a reason, okay? I'm out of the game. Done. Retired." The Devil seemed to think my shoulder was a typewriter as every word was punctuated by a not so tender jab. He was just about to press on when the door was kicked in.
"No, if anybody's getting out of all these craptastic writing prompts, it's me; Time Traveling Hitler!" And lo and fucking behold in goose stepped that murderous little asshole.
"Dude, where's your German?" I asked, of all things. I know, but seriously, he didn't even have an accent.
"I'm a Time Travel, duh. There's a drug in the distance future, for pretty much everything."
"Everything?" Lucifer and I both asked at the same time. Did we just become best friends?
"Jah, I mean 'yes'." Nodded the future hopping Fuhrer.
"So why not just take a pill to make you completely unaware of all these prompts? Or maybe stay in the future when there might not be so many, if any? I can't imagine you are the worst, I mean we eventually do get off the planet, right? We have to make some bigger blunders than you and Trump, right?" I asked, practically pleaded.
Hitler gaped for a second, closed his mouth, and gaped again. "Fine! Yeah, that's what I was going to do anyway! And see if I time travel back here anymore!" And with that Hitler slammed the door and was never seen again (save the many, many time traveling and/or Hitler related prompts on /sub/writingprompts).
Lucifer blinked, he was at a loss for words. "Well, okay. Um, look, that doesn't sound like a bad idea for me either. I'm just gonna go, hope forward a few thousand years. Because apparently there are just time machines everywhere." He started towards the door, and then stopped. "Oh yeah, and because I'm such a nice guy, check it out!" The Devil pulled a remote out of his pocket. It was labeled Inane Serial Killer Prompts. It had a dial. It was currently only set to 5 (What the fuck, only 5!?). With a devilish grin he cranked it to 11 and snapped the knob off. "Have a nice time on that internet now, Slick!" And with that, the Devil was gone as well.
According to the Wikipedia article, it was Rule #162, to "create a demand for the other 161 Rules that had yet to be written". I couldn't find a source for this though—neither the canon wiki (Memory Alpha) nor the non-canon licensed works wiki (Memory Beta) make mention of this.
Part 2 maybe on /sub/luna_lovewell????
Are you, like, clickbaiting me? noooooo
Numbers is a 2012 short film by Robert Holz which features persons that can see numbers floating above the heads of everyone else.http://imdb.com/title/tt2210867/ https://vimeo.com/35375393
I picked the wrong day to stop taking meta-mphetamines.
There is a Nickelback music video with it.
which itself is preparation for my weekly 500 mile run, so next month I am ready for the 5,000 mile run
I kinda want to see that Batman/Pokémon prompt
whoa there, hold your whoa there, and leave his whoa, you mean to tell me that satan is a feemale? whoa.
Mai-Ke, you're not seriously being one of those groupies that sounds more like a cult infomercial than a person, are you? I know you appreciate writing prompts, but really...
Very well done!
Calm down, Santa
I'm So Meta, Even This Acronym.
Oh! Now I get it! That is actually pretty funny! Good idea!
A rare event indeed! Thanks so much man, I'll try not disappoint!
That is actually pretty funny. It's not even political, it's just current events.
Dang this actually went somewhere. Nice work!