Why is my worth as a woman solely as a mother?

Why is my worth as a woman solely as a mother?

I’ve been taught to go to BYU, get married, and pop out five or six children who will then do the same. But I want to enter government and work to change lives. When I tell my parents I don’t want to be a mother, they say that I won’t make it to the Celestial Kingdom and I’m wasting my gift of creation. Why does the church treat women so poorly?

Why is my worth as a woman solely as a mother?


Why is my worth as a woman solely as a mother?

It isn't. Obviously.

I couldn't possibly know what God wants for your future. I suggest you consult with Him.

I’ve been taught to go to BYU, get married, and pop out five or six children who will then do the same.

Let me see here: who taught you to go to BYU? The church? I doubt it.

There’s millions of Mormons, and we wouldn’t all fit in BYU.

Five or six kids? There’s no rule I’ve ever heard of to have a certain number of kids, and I’ve never been asked to have kids as a requirement of membership.

Getting married? The church says Happiness is most likely achieved through family life as we adopt and follow the gospel of Jesus Christ.

Do you agree with that? I do- the happiest moments of my life come from the blessings affiliated with Family.

Why does the church treat women so poorly?

I don’t think it does. You seem to have picked up some weird cultural ideas and equated them with church doctrine.

They’re not the same.

The church teaches women that they are the literal progeny of heavenly parents and that they can receive exaltation and eternal life.

Half of the auxiliaries in a ward are run by women.

I think the church treats women pretty amazingly.

While there are many people who think that is the way the church is, they are mostly wrong. That sounds more like the common exmormon/anti-mormon narrative than anything, especially the "why does the church treat women so poorly?" thing.

Women in the church today are doing all the same things that other people are doing, including getting jobs, working part or full time, getting education (including advanced degrees), and otherwise doing very fulfilling things. You can have one kid, five kids, a dozen kids. You can do all kinds of things.

The church does encourage men and women to get married and have families because that is where the greatest source of happiness in life can be found. What that looks like for each individual is going to vary. I know some families where the dad is the stay-at-home parent, where the mom is the stay-at-home parent, where one works full-time and the other part-time, or they both work full-time.

For those who get married, having children is a commandment in that it's something that we are commanded to do, just like Adam and Eve, but check out the Family Proclamation and see just how much variety there can be there.

20 years ago I was at a youth conference where the head of the institute program at Texas A&M made us repeat, "There is no commandment of Thou shall go to BYU"

It sounds like you’ve been going to a different church than I have. I’ve never been taught any of those things at church.

Why is my worth as a man solely as a father?

"Everyone should do x" is not the same thing as "your value is solely determined by x".

EDIT to illustrate: I think everyone should learn to read. People who don't learn how to read miss out on something fundamental and beautiful. That doesn't mean illiterate people have no value - but for someone to deliberately reject that gift is evidence of a tragic lack of perspective.

The church doesn't. By your own admission, that bit of nonsense came from your parents.

Get out of Utah County, go to the U, and get yourself into government. This is perfectly valid choice, even by church standards. Tell your family to look up "agency" and get back to you.

This is fairly accurate. My only gripe would be with the “ex-mormon narrative” point- clarity and honesty are important on both sides here. I try to embrace an “individual & individual” relationship with my Mormon friends (and exmormon friends) instead of an “Us vs. them” one.

Their narrative is more: “the teachings foster a culture that puts significant pressure on women to embrace the traditional motherhood role.” Which I think it mostly does (depending on the individual’s family/community.) The admission that it is a commandment is an important one.

The church’s guidelines for following a good life are very traditionally family oriented, I wouldn’t say the church hates women. I would say that the ideology does put significant pressure on women who don’t feel that that life is for them. Which, of course, can lead to the conclusion that the church is treating them poorly.

She didn't say where she lived. Calm down.

Like others have said, it’s not.

My husband and I were dead set on waiting to have kids and fostering for a while. Then I got unexpectedly pregnant with my daughter. It turned my life upside down. I love her to pieces but I also worked hard to find a way to balance a career that I enjoy. I love being a working mom.

Children bring a lot of happiness into the home but they don’t have to be your entire world. Don’t let anyone tell you what your worth is. That is between you and God to decide.