what BBQs are like when you're 30, single and male

what BBQs are like when you're 30, single and male

Live with me if you want to come..

Edit: I'll be in my bunk, checking out my gold perks thanks to a generous Reddit user...

Step 1 : pass the whole BBQ overthinking about what to say to her

Step 2 : acquire a little bit of courage and go speak with her

Step 3 : see her not laugh at the shitty story that sounded awesome in your head and that you somehow managed to mumble to her

Step 4 : do that awkaward smile after you fuck up and try to disspear asap

Step 5 : go home and masturbate to midget granny porn

Step 6 : close 30 tabs and wonder what you are doing with your life

Step 7 : go to sleep knowing the more times go on the more your situation is going to get worse

EDIT : we are in /sub/funny and some people are taking my comment way too seriously, y'all need some midget granny porn to calm yo tits.

Not-pregnant is my favorite hair color.

Only to find out she has a boyfriend already.

Cum with me if you want to breed..

"Are you Sarah Conner?"

"...no?"

"That's okay. I'm very lonely."

I always hated when I got to a thread early, and you can tell it's going to the top, but you ain't got nothing to say.

I'll be back. .... With two drinks and an amusing anecdote involving a trip to the opposite coast.

Or 3 kids. Or my favorite 3 kids with 3 different guys.

Wow that is impressive. I just skip straight over steps 2, 3, and 4. How do you even manage to speak to her a little?

And the only reason she is not pregnant is because shes not putting out to him either.

Ah, yes. The ol' menstrual fluid red.

Whoops, I just spilled the antidote all over my penis…

Ah yes, the main quality I look for in a woman, not pregnant.

Because the alternative is admitting both of them fucked up. Like fat chicks with over-the-top "confidence", they overcompensate their faults by playing them off as positive.

just man up, if she is 30+ and single she is way more self conscious than you are.

all her friends are married and pregnant. Their lives have started. She is the one pathetic sad loser in her group who still can't get a man to commit to her. What's wrong with her? Is she ugly? Is she a horrible person? Hell, even if she finds someone at this exact party, it'll take them at least 2 years to propose, then another year before they get married, then another year before she gives birth...meaning she'll have to give birth at 34 for kid #1 and 35 for kid #2 and run the increased risk of having kids with downs syndrome. And that's if everything works out. The guy might get bored after a year and trade her in for a younger model and she has to start all over again. The guy might be impotent. Oh god, where did it all go so wrong? Her life was supposed to be on track, she went to the right schools, she got the right job, she worked hard on the career, and now she has at best 3-4 years left to snag a man or she'll have to settle for being a crazy cat lady. WTF why won't that guy in the corner come over and talk to her? Has she hit her expiration date already? For fuck's sake...she threw him a smile when she said hello...what kind of dumb fuck doesn't realize that means she wants him to ask her out?

I'm a guy though, but that's ok now

It's cool, it's legal now.

Y'all motherfuckers need alcohol. Both sides. Not just you being hammered trying to hit on her.

ABORT MISSION, I REPEAT, ABORT MISSION!!

You never know. Maybe his tactics involve something like "I got you a drink." waits for her to drink "I also got you the antidote for the poison I put in your drink, but to get it, we must go on a date to the opposite coast."

Is this really what a woman thinks?

Every time I'm around married people with kids and I'm the only unaccomplished single, all that goes through my head is "FUCK NO THIS STUFF IS NOT FOR ME. FREEEEEEEDOM"

I love my cat

Anecdote?

Edit: for all of you calling me an idiot, he originally had written antidote, and I corrected him.

So, her name is Doe Jane?

My wife knew a girl who had her first kid at 16, and that kid procreated at 15. She was 32, and in her words "a proud grandma". Who the fuck is proud that their highschooler is starting a family?

Jesus.

Seriously though, I'm 25 and the last male in my family to not get married. Literally every family gathering is full of people poking fun and saying shit like "your turn!"

Shit gets old fast.

Maybe there's more to life than getting married and immediately popping out kids, did you ever think of that?

"Are you Sarah Conner?"

"...no?"

"No matter, I've been sent from the future to impregnate you. Your genes are vital to the survival of the human race. I carry genetically engineered sperm that will ensure our survival, but I must mate with you. Are you currently ovulating?"

Dat Jane, Doe.

Are you 18 enough to legal with me?

That was my go-to pick-up line back in college.

And one of her kids has kids. Yes, this is possible with 30-something women.

I'll legal you so hard you cant walk for days.

For context, an unedited (I'll assume) version of the picture was posted earlier today, with virtually the same title. In the original you can clearly see that the target is the only woman in the picture that is not pregnant.

No need. She's not putting out.

It's called jumping on the karma train!

It's called jumping on

It's ok man. Mid 30's guy here. I went through that at around 22-23. By 25, those same friends and family members were all divorced with a kid or two. A few years later and they're all married again, and I was solo once more. A few years after that and they're all single again. By now, most of them are married again... So I sit and wait a year or two until I get my friends back.

Such a vicious cycle.

Fuck this noise, I'm getting closer to 30 and single and as a lady the only reason will be because no one was worth settling down with, end of story. Becoming desperate won't solve anything, not everyone is as pathetic as you seem to think

This isn't just BBQs. This is everywhere, all day every day for guys.

Damn man, shit just got real for me.

I'm sorry college was rough for you.

http://i.imgur.com/SjqoQ.jpg

"I just hate drama, my babies and me need a REAL MAN in our lives, I'm tired of these LITTLE BOYS."

Lol.

On the dating scene of young professionals: "Everyone is too busy, and everyone thinks they can do better."

Good luck.

Bronn finally gets his revenge on the Sandsnakes.

Nah he just needs coke to balance it all out.

Online dating in my city is great for guys

If you're a guy interested in fat chicks, single mothers and uber religious chicks.

Trust me, being single and not a parent doesn't mean you're not accomplished.

I love that we've decided to just refer to her as "The Target". No fucking around.

She uses the other smile which has 0.2% less teeth showing. Duh, learn to read women! Clear signals.

God works in mysterious ways.

Did you know that the original name for Pac-Man was Puck-Man?

Sperminator

"Live. Laugh. Love."

Might need to address your deeper issues IMO

For fuck's sake...she threw him a smile when she said hello...what kind of dumb fuck doesn't realize that means she wants him to ask her out?

"Just because I'm nice to you doesn't mean I'm attracted to you"

LOL

A "safe space".

Its pussy from Sopranos

Or, you know, they don't want to fuck up the poor kid by making it feel like its entire existence is a mistake.

You can still love a child and be proud of it, even if you didn't intend to have it.

Right. Just like being married with kids doesn't mean you're accomplished or happy. Being single is a ton of fun (yes, even in your 30s) and can be quite fulfilling in its own way.

Children: Yes

ABORT MISSION!!! ABORT MISSION!!! RETREAT!!! RETREAT!!!

that's a funny distinction between suburban and city life.

in the city and you're 33 and single? great! so is everyone else! have fun! nobody is going to tell you you have baggage and judge you for not settling down. that's why we all live in cities still.

in a little suburban town and 33 and single? everybody will start disappearing from your life

this is why i never plan on living in the burbs

"Your clothes. Give them to me."

No one said it does. But if you're a single woman at 30 who wants a husband, kids, and a family then you're definitely going to be feeling a lot of pressure at that point because your biological clock is really ticking down.

I am imagining you as the "y'all need jesus woman" but absolutely pissed

It's goes from "When are you settling down and having kids?" To "You're the only smart one here, man. You did life right and didn't rush into it like us." In just a few years. Zero to hero.

At least you know you're not the dumbest sibling

For fuck's sake...she threw him a smile when she said hello...what kind of dumb fuck doesn't realize that means she wants him to ask her out?

Wait, that means that? What does she do to guys she doesn't want to ask her out, snarl?

It's actually derived from the Japanese "Paku-man," which is derived from the Japanese onomatopoeia "pakupaku"

(パクパク), the sound for steadily munching on something.

Choo choo motherfuckers

;-)

Who iz your baby doddy, and vaht does he do?

Ehh.. Like my sister once told me - she's single for a season or single for a reason.

The older I get - I realize there's usually a reason why the hot chick flies solo.

What's she supposed to do? Walk around saying "I'm a disgraceful failure, my child is a disgraceful failure, my grandchild is a shameful mark of my family's disgrace." That baby has enough problems, at least let its grandma be proud without feeling the need to shit all over her.

The best part about them sucking Bronn's cock is that they can't speak and we can't hear them when doing it.

Not as rough as the Terminator sex!

It's a battle you can't win.

You sound like a grown woman.

According to Tumblr there is.

Too late. Boner initiated.

Commence poor life choices and regret

To be fair you can be fat and genuinely have confidence.

Some people don't have their self esteem tied into their appearance

As a single person approaching 30, free food and alcohol is the only reason to go to social gatherings.

No one's correcting his spelling? What has this place become?

My sister's baby daddy has 5 kids to 4 mothers, and 3 of those kids are all within a year of each other.

If he shows up at Thanksgiving I'm personally ripping his testicles off.

And after a kid or two, and definitely after a divorce, they stop saying that shit. I didn't get married until 32 and that shit had stopped for years.

Yea, that'll help pick up ladies.

Ha. My sister works for google on the glass project, and the first time I went out to San Francisco to visit she gave me a Glass to wear. After a day of wearing it I told her that it's the perfect tool for picking up... dudes. So many dudes wanted to talk to you and ask questions, but not so many ladies.

No, nobody really says it like that outside of reddit. I haven't heard anyone say "putting out" irl for at least a decade

he's addicted to H, and she takes about three selfies a day for social media

These are equivalent forms of degeneracy.

Another reason for me to get Google Glass

Hasta la panties...

So by that logic, your sister is hot?

Some girls don't want kids / married etc.

It obviously depends on the woman, but the girls I know approaching 30 and still single think this way. It seems like the cut-off is to be engaged by your mid-20s, maybe by around 27 max. This means they had already found their guy years ahead of that age. The women hitting 28/29/30 who want to settle down start to feel the crunch, and some settle.

Next time you are at a funeral with them, look at them and say "your turn!"

Am I the only person wondering where the hell all the delicious ribs and burgers are? This is a BBQ right... shit!

100% this. Single man at 30? No problem. Single woman at 30? Big problem.

Edit: Not saying something is wrong with you for being single. I simply mean that if you are a heterosexual woman, it is more difficult to find a partner past the age of 30.

No fucking

Hence the lack of pregnancy.