True story from this morning

True story from this morning

Use fingernail clippers. Carefully pull back dead skin and clip it right where it meets your finger. It doesnt hurt at all and now theres nothing to catch your finger with.

Early in the day, it's rock-solid confidence that you can just nibble the thing off.

End of the day, it's Luke Skywalker clutching his hand stump.

And now you've got a red stripe from your index finger to your left eyeball......

It's that easy. I don't know why it's a huge deal, I do this all the time.

Don't worry, OP, just rub some Purell on it. That'll fix it right up.

you're not good people

By Wednesday there's no part of your body left you can still reach with your teeth.

http://imgur.com/WhtW5

Lemon juice will work wonders.

Sometimes get them riiiight by my nail and can't get to them with my clippers. My nails curve a lot. I have one as we speak. Sore little mother fucker.

I rip those fuckers right off. It hurts.. but it seems to heal faster that way.

Cuticle trimmers; find them, get them. They are awesome for those bastards.

You pulled in the wrong direction then.

once again I've read too far

Wait, you've never had a little bit of skin near the nail bug you and when you peel/bite/rip it off it ends up stinging like a bitch?

Oh how I love cutting endless limes and lemons with one of these whilst bartending.

Unless you're at work or some other place where nail clippers aren't accessible. Ironically you never notice the piece of skin until you're somewhere without clippers. At least that's the case with me 99% of the time.

I think not, pulling the other way unwinds the fabric of reality, and then what the fish?

http://imgur.com/tBntr

What is it? I'm lost. :(

No.....and not to mention it looks like a wart in the pic, and I haven't ever had one of those either.

Nope, we checked the science, its at least 7.

fingers gonna fing

I too despise when my finger talks shit to me.

One of the best items in the world.

Fuck You

http://i.imgur.com/9UoIYtv.jpg (nsf...a pleasant day?)

(nsf...a pleasant day?)

Use nail clippers. More precise.

oh what the fuck

He's a traveling fister

For you to ponder on: http://i.imgur.com/EuEOO.jpg

For you to ponder on:

It's not like I have my fingernail clipper with me all the time.

Brought to you by /sub/shittyadvice

What you need is some tussin'

Are you a wizard?

I always keep a pair of clippers at work. You never know when there's a hangnail or something that is going to ruin your fucking day. Also, coworkers love it when they need a pair and I have them. Of course, you have to sanitize that shit all to hell and back.

That's a bit of a hyperbole...

And dear god if you use hand sanitizer.

I thought the same thing before I started cutting my cuticles, now I'm swimming in a pool of money on my yacht surrounded by women. Who would've guessed?

As someone who can type Doctor, chili paste and vodka works surprisingly well.

Don't worry, he's a doctor!

On my keychain for shit just like this.

Looks like costume makeup

http://i.imgur.com/jSRXqW8.gif

7 sciences!

Wait, is that what hangnails are? My world has changed forever.

You don't know my life.

Yeah well when I do that all the skin up to my my neck comes with it and it hurts like fucking intense burning shit.

No way, a doctor would've recommended chili paste and vodka.

Yes.

Everybody needs to stop fucking with these. A couple months ago, I pulled one and then had to have surgery a few days later. Infection with Staph and Strep. I stopped biting my nails. Thanks, Hospital!

I use my teeth

Through the back door.

Not yet, the inflammation that sometimes occurs can be caused by the herpes virus. So the stump you are chewing could be crotch rot....

This the fish.

I don't want to defend their actions but what is so gross about nail clippings? It just a fingernail.

Same goes for hair. People aren't freaked out about it until it falls off the head.

Nail clippers. Push it to the base of the hangnail and clip it off. No pain, instantly stop the progression of the tear, stop the irritation, stop all that bullshit.

Open wound? Grab some Tussin to stop that fussin. Got ebola? Just pour a little tussin on it!

Keeping this forever.

You don't need clippers, you need a pair of these. They are heaven sent.

You don't need clippers, you need a pair of . They are heaven sent.

to be fair, I only discovered this a few years ago, and the earlier hangnail memories still haunt me.

on a side note, why the fuck are they called hang nails?

I used to be a ripper, but now I'm a clipper and I've never looked back. They're more precise, like you said, and faster heals.

Gahhhh

http://i.imgur.com/ucDNQ2O.jpg

Out of how many?!

We have lime slicers for that, it's awesome. Like this: http://assets.atlantafixture.com/mfgfiles/lib0000194/size-300-240/nemco-55550.jpg - sorry for no formatting, I'm on my phone. The days I worked in places that didn't have these...I hated with every fiber of my being. I'm clumsy and break glassware way too often, which usually means I have little cuts on my hands at any given time. I hate fruit bar fruit.

We have lime slicers for that, it's awesome. Like this: - sorry for no formatting, I'm on my phone. The days I worked in places that didn't have these...I hated with every fiber of my being. I'm clumsy and break glassware way too often, which usually means I have little cuts on my hands at any given time. I hate fruit bar fruit.

Black electrical tape is better. After you get done chewing on it and making it a bloody mess, wrap a strip of electrical tape around your thumb. Works great:)

Take it easy, Satan.

Well, it's not the same strain of herpes as genital herpes. There's a bunch of different herpes.

That's some Black Swan shit right there.

My parrot has chirpes.

How many people bartend on reddit? Obviously a lot.

Perhaps you are just a pussy.

I just wikipedia'd hangnail (not sure what I was looking to learn) but learned that hangnails are also called Stepmother's Blessing, which is hilarious.

Dude, rip up not down. It hurts more for a moment but you don't deglove your entire finger.

You are not alone. My mind was also blown when I found this out. I always thought it was when my nail ripped a little at the top.

i thought hangnails were when your nail broke at the corner and it ripped up into your skin? so it's like a little piece of nail dangling off on mostly cuticle/skin? 

hangnail like that?

i thought hangnails were when your nail broke at the corner and it ripped up into your skin? so it's like a little piece of nail dangling off on mostly cuticle/skin?

like that?

Its a huge deal because even though nail clippers work great, we don't all carry them around 24/7 and have them when these stupid mother fuckers decide to show up.

Sometimes the skin is too thick for the clippers to just cut right through, and instead it'll just pull the skin up and tear it even further.

Source: Dermatophagia

Me too. I use your teeth. Not as sharp as they used to be, tho.

Find tissue or skin glue, apply and let dry, do not touch yourself until dry....seriously get your hand out of your pants.

My big fat Greek wedding?

I've never had one of these. Not once. I didn't even know this was a thing until a few years ago. I must be some kind of super mutant.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AsZ5MbQgzv4

Instructions unclear, I used my teeth instead...

http://i.imgur.com/EQ0Ba7z.png

When I get the ones that just end up wanting to go deeper I put a small dot of super glue down, smooth it out and it usually holds all day, or more depending on what you are doing with your hands.

Windex works better

And caviar for your cat!

Woah. Spoilers.

You wake up in random places a lot?

Don't try to stop me, smeeee

I love the gesture but: http://imgur.com/H0NlsPK

Please stop giving me gold. I'm begging you people.

I love the gesture but:

Please stop giving me gold. I'm begging you people.

How does one enter this line of work?

A warning would've been nice, but I think it did it's job for me.