To the lady that grabbed my hand at the airport and walked me away from my abusive relationship. Thank you!
I work at the airport and have a friend who I spend a lot of my time with. We are not in a relationships but we do have interest in each other so we have lunch together every once in a while. Every now and then he and I will get into little arguments and for some reason he cannot control his temper. He starts screaming at the top of his lungs, banging on chairs, forcing me to hold his hand or forcing me to look at him. He’s done this in the middle of the airport about five times and people have stopped and started. Today, for the first time out of those five times a lady grabbed my armed and told my friend to leave me alone and walked me to a police officer. This made me open my eyes and realize that I was getting myself into the worse mistake of my life. I can’t thank you enough and I truly, truly hope this will find you! I feel like you might have saved my life and the world needs more people like you. 💜
This is not the first time I've heard of people who act like this. Get far away from that person. They're not a good person, friend and especially SO.
Who acts like this
I can't imagine how a lunch conversation turns into chair banging
And can you imagine making a scene at the airport? I'd be afraid of being carted out by TSA even if I were just upset about football or something, let alone this garbage.
I have a friend in an abusive relationship right now whose boyfriend yells at her, calls her names, won't let her leave during an argument, etc. She says he has an anger problem. He always seems to have trouble holding down a job, so I once asked her if he keeps getting laid off due to his anger problem, and she said no, he was always at least outwardly calm at work.
Abusive people don't engage in abusive behaviors because they cannot control their temper. They engage in abusive behaviors because they think it's the right behavior for the situation.
Hitting people is OK if you're a professional boxer who is currently involved in a match. Yelling at people is okay if you're an actor following a script. Neither of these behaviors have a place in a romantic relationship, just like neither of these behaviors has a place at work.
Even more, he works at the airport so he is acting that way in his place of work
Just the standing. This is the same policeman who saw a passing woman slow down near him, so he did the logical thing and screamed at the top of his lungs at her to "walk normally."
Good old US of A police.
So funny you said this. I was watching the Florida game at the airport Saturday and got upset over a call so I stood up from my chair really quickly and a policeman with a canine told me loudly to "Sit. Down." I can't imagine making an actual scene in an airport. Sounds like an easy way to get tackled or worse.
Yeah that was my thought. Has this erratic behavior never made its way back to his boss?
Ugh, you're right. It's not a control issue because the few I've known have been 'amazing' people to the outside world. It's when they are alone with their spouse/kids that they act like total jerks and 'out of control.'
I want to thank you for your story, I relate to the dangers of abusive relationships as my sister is still in one and unfortunately for over 5 years now no longer in contact with anyone in our family. The longer you stay with them the more they "brainwash" you into adopting their controlling habits and disconnecting you from your family (your strong hold) where most of your life values are adopted from. I wish all the best and going forward be sure to avoid any further contact even in times of loneliness. Take care!!
As someone who volunteered at a DV clinic the answer is you can't. You take a shot if you think you can be helpful. Sometimes it's taken well, others it's not.
Good god I'd be afraid to be kicked out, the only thing I dared to do was shoot my boyfriend an angry look because he rolled his eyes when I asked him to open his luggage again to get me food 😅
Yea, who goes to have lunch with a friend and then ends up physically forcing them to look at them while they scream in their face. Repeatedly. I think whoever this unhinged person is needs to either start taking their meds again or get help.
Bet he'd call himself a "nice guy".
This is truly terrifying. Usually they can quietly fuck with your head in public with no one the wiser. People often describe the abuser as charming or personable. Get them home...all bets are off an you can do nothing right. Makes me shiver to think about it. So happy you didn't get stuck in that kind of mess like I did. Bless that brave woman. I need to do that as well. I will learn to be brave and save men and women from those broken, sick people that should never be in a relationship.
Man my mom had stuff like this happen and she said that if he hits you once he's gonna hit you again. Stay away from these kind of people. They're crazy.
Did you make an exclamation, or they told you to sit down only because you stood up quickly?
I love these stories. They make me believe in people's goodness.
Tell him to go fuck himself. Walk normally,give me a break
How can we tell when someone needs to be pulled away/ needs help?
I would imagine the person who stepped in really recognised those signs- it's sad anyone would ever have to recognise that, or has ever been through it, but unfortunately that is the case. And it's not just male - female. It also works the other way around too. And massive respect to anyone who steps in to protect the abused party x
I have complex PTSD because of people like you who expect others to care for their abusive behavior. Good on you for getting help, but oh my god, do not tell people they need to waste their energy trying to understand why they are being treated like total garbage and having their self-esteem and self-confidence ruined. All their energy is supposed to be used to GET AWAY, not be a caretaker, that is EXACTLY what abusers want, that is how victims excuse this crap, this is how people get stuck and then get beaten or dead.
It is HIS duty to find himself professional help, because if he doesn't, then he doesn't want it and won't change. Somebody else making him won't make a difference while they are going to end up fucked up.
Yep, once he called me the best I could get. The other one just threatened to kill me and made me paranoid enough that he was watching my every move and click of my mouse. Yep....barrel of laughs right there....
One time my boyfriend and I were on a flight and this couple sitting in the seats in front of us got into a whisper fight. Their fight seemed humorous at first, not unlike a fight my boyfriend and I might have (just... not generally in public). But it quickly became evident that this guy was abusive. What had seemed as banter back and forth was actually really harmful comments and denigrating behaviour. At one point, she must have moved her legs or something and he pointed a finger right in her face and whisper shouted "don't you EVER face your feet at me like that. You're fucking disgusting. You would get beaten for that in other countries."
What killed me was her constant apologizing. It was clear that she was doing it to keep him quiet, and it reminded me of my own abusive relationship when I was a teenager. Say whatever you can to calm him down, doesn't matter if you don't believe it. She just seemed so defeated. He was truly awful but we were really frozen. I wanted to say something but I didn't know how he would react and there isn't really anywhere you can escape to on a plane.
When we landed, I followed her to the bathroom, unsure of what I was going to do. I knew that if someone had come to me when I was dating my abuser and told me anything I wouldn't have listened. I probably would have reacted with hostility. I stood next to her as she was washing her hands and basically blurted out "relationships aren't supposed to be like that, and you deserve better." She looked at me blankly and said "what?" So I repeated myself, and added "I've been you, and I wish that someone had helped me see the hell I was living."
She didn't reply, but she started to tear up and rushed out of the bathroom. I think about her a lot. I hope she found her way out.
I agree. Very sad that people think this is acceptable behavior.
It sounds like whoever took your hand cares for other people and is willing to help. THIS is not something you see often.
I'm not understanding how other employees allowed this to happen. Do you work in the food area? That's the only place I would think less unprofessional people would be in an airport.
You say that like most cops in America are bad. I live in one of the most crooked counties in the US, and I have never seen cops act like this. Cops have actually always been very fair and professional.
Even the other day in a quiet white town where people with money live, my brother and his friends were playing basketball at midnight in the park. Cops are supposed to kick you out. He was with his friends - a very dark skinned Ecuadorian, and a Cuban.
Cop rolls up with his car and shining his bright headlights and search light. Cop gets out, asks what they're up to, they say they're just shooting hoops, and he joins them while providing them a ton of light. All they were using we're lanterns and flashlights.
So yeah...good ole US of A cops.
Responding as someone whose dad was of this line of thinking, although he is probably not as "reformed" yet
"It does not mean I don't love them" "I'd give my life " etc, just so you know, in case it needs to be emphasized: Words rings hollow to person -- especially a still growing child with no other reference point -- who learns from your behavior, directly, physically, emotionally, in their heart -- that they are not loved by you. For a child that grows up like this it is hard to learn what love is, since our only experience of it feels a lot like hate.
Best of luck.
Absolutely the truth. Was in a relationship like that for five years. Everytime he hit me he said he felt bad about doing and promised it would never happen again and it always happened again, each time getting worse and worse.
I cant imagine that happening ONCE and someone putting up with it, shit I've done shit that seemed slightly sketchy to people and they dropped my like a rock but some psycho can go batshit in a public place and they get 5 chances. I'm super nice to everyone I meet, I give everyone a chance, shit I've given people multiple chances. But I cant imagine letting someone in your like that steals from you, physically hurts you, or humiliates you in public, people who do those things are sociopaths why are people so numb to things like that but have a hair trigger for other things.
I hope I could be that person for someone. Well done for letting yourself be walked away. Stick to it. Can you separate yourself from him, if you work with him I guess that might be hard??
Take it as a lesson and ensure you don't require a random stranger to physically pull you away whenever you find yourself in such a clear situation
That actually sounds like a narcissist
Thats because he must be a person who needs to have the control in every situation, an abusive person.. the last word should be his. Every person should avoid creatures like that, they destroy ur life ur confidence. I wish more people act like this lady that grabbed her arm!
I'm so glad she was there for you! I hope I never encounter such a situation, but if I do I hope I'm as brave as her!
I know a male co-worker in a similar situation with his girlfriend. She comes to our office to share lunch with him everyday. You can hear her loudly bullying and degrading my co-worker non-stop for 45 minutes. This started a few months ago but it is getting worse. It has gotten so awkward that everyone avoids having lunch when they are in the break room. I think I am going to take a feather from the lady in OP story and try to walk him away from that situation. Plus he is such a sweetheart.
Proud of you, it's the best decision ever 👍
You should post this in the fb group Girls Who Love Travel - might increase your chances reaching the necessary person!
Maybe I can grab your hand for a second time. A lot of people would have walked away on their own in a situation similar to yours. It may be for nothing but you might consider talking to a counselor about your experience and discussing why you may possibly be prone to abusive relationships. It's probably nothing to worry about but, again, a lot of people would have walked away on their own much sooner. I'm sure a huge reason for that is because you're a really really good and nice person but why not be better safe than sorry?
Edit: I just realized which sub this was posted in (after I posted in it, I know, not the smartest thing) and I wanted to say something. I really enjoy the posts from this sub that pop up on /sub/all. I'm just a dude and my intention is to help a fellow human being in a respectful way. I don't mean to walk into your room and start spouting off my ideas so please know I'm a friend who is on the same page in as many ways as I can be. :-)
I had an ex girl friend do this to me in the middle of the mall scream yell throw a chair. I just stood up did not say a word and walked away and never looked back. The best decision I ever made.people don't deserve mental abuse.
oophf. That's unfortunate that the guy has serious anger issues. I hope he gets it fixed with some good counseling or something someday.
Anyway, I'm glad that nice lady was willing to escort you away from that situation. Best of luck in the future!
You need to calibrate your own internal alarm bells, a kind stranger might not be there to help you next time.
If he's like that while you're not in a relationship he's going to be much worst in a relationship. If you have any sense you need to walk away now.
Hey I'm proud of you for getting help!