TIFU by reading the TIFUs of coconut fuckers..
Im on mobile so sorry about format. First time poster, tldr at the bottom. Sorry if my English is bad.
Be glad, im not fucking or trying to fuck a fruit in this post, infact, I dont think I'll be buying fruit for a week at least. It's bad luck.
Onto the fuckup.
I read the first TIFU yesterday, and let me just tell you im really giggly, anything can make me laugh. So i read the first maggot post, had a good belly laugh, and went to bed. I woke up like two hours ago and decided that I wanted to cook breakfast.
It was going pretty well, made myself a cheese omelette, put on the kettle for some tea, and I'd been craving boiled eggs for a while so I took two, put them in the pot and turned on the stove.
Now I decided it'd be a good time to scroll some reddit, so I did that, for about 7 or 8 minutes, at this point I started reading about the 2 more people who had their fair share of bad coconut experience. While I was reading that, the water the eggs were boiling in starts bubbling, and the kettle starts whistling too.
Never try to handle hot boiling water without paying full attention to what you're doing. Especially when you're laughing at other people's fuckups.
My hand missed the handle of the pot the eggs were in and landed on the hot, hot surface of the kettle. Naturally, I screamed "WHAT THE FUCK" on the top of my lungs and jerked my hand back, only to knock over the pot the eggs were in, onto my legs.
I cried. It burned. I was wearing shorts and barefoot.
TLDR: Was reading coconut fleshlight fuck ups and boiling eggs. Was laughing and not paying attention, spilled boiling water onto my legs. Was wearing shorts and barefoot.
Edit 2: Im A-okay, to those asking. Ive bandaged up my legs and im not removing that shit for another 24 hours until i know for sure that my legs would look human. Also, I like eggs, I eat eggs often, sue me.
Honestly thought this was gonna be another cum-coconut story. I'm quite pleased with the fact that it isn't.
"Cowconut" im disappointed in you.
But still trying to milk the coconut cow
Remember kids: when you go coconutting, it doesn't just ruin your life; it can also ruin the lives of those around you. It can lead to broken homes, broken relationships and broken dreams. This is but one example of coconut-collateral-damage. Winners don't use coconuts!
Nice doesn't get karma in /sub/tifu
Thank god you didn't cum into a coconut but instead you burned yourself
I leave Reddit for 3 days and come back to half the site fucking coconuts...
The damn cockonut stuff is contagious. One day, it will destroy all of us.
It's still early...let's be nice.
What's funny is that this will be remembered.
"Remember when reddit wanted to fuck fruit for a few days?"
We don't know that he didn't cum into a coconut afterwards to relieve the stress...
Thank you for making something original out of the gaggle of coconut fucking TIFUs. Good job.
Once you grapefruit your man...
Uff, what a relief. I thought for a moment that /sub/tifu was starting to become dedicated to the act of fucking coconuts.
There seems to be evidence of that being true..
2nd degree burned is not a joke OP
So I always read the TIFU that are on my front page but never actually head over to the actual subreddit until today because I saw someone mention all the people fucking coconuts. And I saw there were like 9 fucking people that supposedly all fucked coconuts.
So my question is this: does this happen often where there are this many copy cats for a TIFU? Also, am I wrong to assume that at least 5-7 Of those are made up?
It rarely happens, in fact. And a ton of them are obviously made up, some people are karma-craving cunts that can't live without the karma.
Did you go to the hospital or put the bandages on yourself? Because that's definitely somewhere you should go.
Yeeeowch. I clenched my butt just reading that. Never fuck with boiling water.
Im still bandaged up, even got an ice bag on the nether regions. Splash damage is a bitch.
Wait, wait, wait...
You were going to have hard boiled eggs with your egg omelette? Do you work for the egg lobby?
He won't be able to recognise r/me_irl anymore by the time he's back
That's just you. Slides coconut out of sight.
Now every time I buy a coconut I am going to display it high in my grocery cart. Walk around the store, make eye contact with strangers, glance at coconut and then smile and wink at them. I am also thinking that if i ever see a man in a grocery store with a coconut I am going to have a hard time not laughing. I can hear it already, wife... honey why are you laughing at that man with the coconut? Me...reddit! Wife... sorry, i dont want to know.
I estimate for every one real one there is three to four fake ones. But I just like to imagine all of them are real. Wouldn't surprise me considering what a horny person (Especially teenager) is willing to do to get off but have it feel better than masturbation and have it feel "real".
His mom could do it
Dont judge me, i like eggs
Agreed 600% 0/10 would not recommend
He probably couldn't use his arms or legs afterwards, so...
Yeah dude. You are either lying or should be going to the hospital. Boiling water doesn't just splash on your bare skin without making your skin fall blister severely enough to go to the hospital immediately
begins clapping.. standing ovation.. tears of truth..
Edit: trying to figure out mobile formatting
Best username I've seen today
I'm the same way. I just imagine they are all real while reading them just to keep the magic alive
Your story is better than those, atleast someone gets fucked.
Yeah, he's definitely lying
3/10 with rice
Please. No more. Let this be the last one.
Gonna need two of em.
Not to mention the fact that all the stories are intriguing and make people want to fuck coconuts, or is that just me?
Somewhere deep inside a nuclear missile facility, at the control board
"Hehehehe, oh mannnn, these coconut fuck ups are so good" Looks up from phone "Oh, fuck....."
Else you become a fucker or a coconutted
Something something every thread
"Karma-craving cunts" I'm not even sure if you can still call that alliteration but I love it none the less.
I'm on mobile and couldn't figure out how to quote you correctly sorry
I have pretty thick skin but a little part above my ankles has patchy leg hair now. I went crying to my doctor who gave me some kinda ointment and bandaged me up. Ill look at the damage in about 4 more hours