TIFU by meeting my girlfriends dad

TIFU by meeting my girlfriends dad

Surprisingly this happened today, yay:)

So a little background, I've been with my girlfriend for about 2 months, never met her parents and today was the big day. As I was going to her house and told her parents would leave when we got there, I brought condoms. Fuck up number one.

Okay so I walk through the door, nervous as hell. The dad comes bounding over with a smile and a hello, now I had my wallet in my hand, with the condom in. Now I don't know of you've seen family guy, but in one episode Brian meets some girls mom and a condom falls out his wallet..this...this is what happened.

In order to shake his hand I sort of chucked the wallet into my other hand trying to be slick and look like a cool guy, however I missed it completely and it fell to the floor. Already looking like an idiot I go to pick up my wallet, when out of nowhere the condom slides out and just sits on the floor. The dad just looks down, and as slowly as I've ever seen moved his head towards my direction. I look down and notice the durex wrapper on the floor, every muscle in my body seizes, I have no idea what to say, I completely froze in embarrassment and shame. The dad starts yelling at me and orders me to leave, I'm now sat a few minutes away from her house typing this to try and come to terms with what just happened

TL/DR: I went to get my girlfriends dad seal of approval, end up basically showing him I've been fucking his daughter and was planning to in their home

Edit: we are both 17 if this helps with context

Edit 2: for those who think I'm unintelligent, you would be correct in this instance, just a run of poor sleep and nerves got the best of me today

Edit 3:why are people so hung up on me carrying my wallet,it didn't fit properly in my jeans so was easy at the time

Update: so about 30 minutes went by before my gf returned, turns out the dad thought it'd be funny to shout at me and seem tough, he aint annoyed, just annoyed that my gf didn't do work or something I don't even know. I walked back in and nervously laughed for about 5 minutes trying to convince him it was for a friend, all whilst trying to hold back tears of embarrassment, fml.

Update 2: so turns out he's actually a pretty cool guy, he apologised for joking around and said it's all cool, we talked about general stuff for about 15 minutes what I wanna do in life etc, then said we can order a pizza when they're gone he's paying. This has been the biggest roller coaster of emotions since Marley and me, he's left and we'll I'll be gone for all of 30 seconds;)

Update 3: So it's the next day,the mom was pissed with the dad for making me feel like a little bitch, was slightly annoyed about the condom simply due to the fact it was their home etc be respectful but all in all everyone's pretty alright now, never putting a condom in my wallet,kids seem a better option

This is correct. If you feel the need to have one, put one on before you leave the house.

Do not store condoms in your wallet. It wears on the durability, seal of the wrapper and condom itself.

"Oh whoops, oh, I dropped my monster condom for my magnum dong!"

Great advice. This way there's a much smaller chance of the Dad finding it, although not impossible..

I walked back in and nervously laughed for about 5 minutes trying to convince him [THE CONDOM] was for a friend,

You're a special kind of stupid

Who brings a condom with the them to meet their SOs parents? I congratulate you. You done fucked up

Wait a second...

Does your girlfriend's dad not inspect your penis?

At least he knows you're using protection!

Should have pretended that you didn't know what condoms were.

To be young and horny.

Only the principal does

Well I'm not 15 anymore so... me.

What you want to do is put a condom over you entire forearm and then go in for the shake.

This confidently shows dad that you care not only about his daughter's safety, but those around you.

Just watched this episode today, glad someone referenced it

Please. No more coconuts.

Mmmm why is there a balloon in my wallet?

Dads don't want anyone to fuck their young daughters. Especially not someone dumb enough to let them know that they were doing it.

Why did you had your wallet in your hand?

Might want to add the health teacher bit in a little earlier.

on your wiener

Why would he be mad for trying your best to not impregnate his daughter and also protect her from diseases.

Confirmed, he did wash his penis

That doesn't matter

That dad's shotgun is gonna be pointed straight at OP's head right as he's finishing up.

"Either you bust a nut or I will bust your coconut"

I'm also ashamed you don't know proper condom care. Never put it in your wallet, the pressure will weaken the latex making it more like to break.

How tf does that work? Your dick is so big that it causes damage to her reproductive organs and she can no longer conceive??

Sounds like he didn't learn the hard way. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

It just takes one occasion for you to miss out because you didn't have one, for you to carry one everywhere you think you might possibly need it.

Threads like these make me thankful for reddits comment section.

Also, it's his home and his daughter. The though of him leaving his house with you and his daughter in it and your intentions to get it on, in HIS house with his DAUGHTER, are probably what set him off.

I have a story going into the complete opposite direction:

I was 25 and this 18 year old hot as hell girl approaches me on myspace. Pretty quickly she starts flirting heavily, making it clear she wants just one thing: A fun evening / night.

We write back and forth a little, and two days later she writes: "I'm home alone tonight, family is at a music festival and doesn't come home until next morning. Come visit me?".

I go there... huge house / villa at the lake... with private huge fence and a little road from the fence to the house (big round fancy gravel parking spot thing in front of the house entrance and all that stuff). House is at the (geneva, switzerland) lake with a huge pool, etc. I park my old volkswagen polo and head inside.

It took about all of 5 minutes and we were in her bedroom doing, you know what. We did that for the whole evening and continued in the morning. Was one of the best nights of my life... lol!

But here's the opposite / weird / funny part:

I leave the house around 11am with her walking me to my car. We are greeted by her mom on her bicycle, returning from the village store with breakfast. We shake hands, nice to meet you, blabla... then she casualy asks: "Did you have a nice night?"... which i answer with: "Yes very much, thank you.".

The girl later told me that before i went there, she and her mom looked at my myspace profile together, and apparently the mom told her to be careful, but gave her approval.

Never saw her again.

PS: I didn't bring a condom, she said she was on birth control and healthy. It was dumb and risky, but i tested negative for everything a good half year later.

"We write forth and back a little"

This bothers me so much. Why in gods name did you put forth and back instead of back and forth?

When I was in high school a girl talked about her boyfriend saying he was too big for a condom and she started laughing. Then she got one of the “I know everything about sex and I’ve fucked every girl ever” freshman guys to come up, and she stretched the condom over his fist and around his arm. As he stood there in front of the class, fisting a condom, she said nobody is too big for condoms. And don’t ever use Vaseline, which she showed why by making him rub Vaseline on the condom until it snapped.

My health teacher was awesome.

This is the real question. Like who the hell just carries their wallet in their hand?

Dropping IASIP references is always an easy way for me to distinguish the civilized from the barbarians that haven't seen the show yet :p

Good friend of mine had a girl coming over "to study" in college. He didn't know about condoms as he was relatively inexperienced. He put the condom on before she came over... They started to actually study and when he got up to get her a drink of water, the condom fell out the bottom of his sweatpants. Needless to say, she left and he learned the hard way about condoms.

Murphy's Law, if you bring rain gear, it doesn't rain!

There are so many problems with this.

Yeah dude, that was super confusing

It's so big you can't put it in.

Well they were gonna go out all day leaving us two alone, I thought hey looks like I'm in for a good day, how wrong I was

Upvote because tifu happened today for once.

Yeah, it feels better without a condom. Peeing directly on someone is so enjoyable.

The dad definitely got mad yelled at him and felt bad about the whole thing and then played it off as a joke

Back in my day I thought condoms only came in 3 packs. I figured most people with 1 condom in their wallet already used two condoms. So I buy my first condom pack ever with my dad. When we get home I genuinely ask him why the condoms won't fit in my wallet. I said "look my wallet won't close at all" he laughed and said "Jesus, son what kind of stud are you? Are you going to use all 3 condoms in one night?" - what if like. I failed to put the first one on and then ripped the second one? Lmao. I was a dumb kid.

This guys some proper religious dude, and we are both young enough to still live at home with parents so I guess that's why he had an issue

And math teacher^

Also potatoes.

you bought condoms with your dad?

jeez. i could never have had that sort of relationship with my dad. he's pretty conservative and it took him until i was like 17 to actually sit down and have the talk with me.

And also a robot

I am a proud father of two daughters, a 2 year old and a 4 month old. I dread this ever happening to me, or any other crazy thing that may occur/walk into. God help me.

Uhh..

And his priest

Or you can be like me, don't use condoms and end up with 2 kids. Yay!

I completely agree. This reminds me of my 18th birthday. It was just before I went to college. Mom put condoms and other useful college stuff in a set of cute blue drawers (you know the plastic ones?). My dad saw the condoms and was pissed, my mom was confused about why. He said, "that's like telling her it's okay!" All fucking pissed. My mom was like, "uhhhhh...it is okay."

Some dads are just dicks about this stuff.

When he finally had the first confirmation (mom spilled the beans) that I'd had sex in a long term relationship (he found out when I was 20) he called me a whore. That toxic belief that women aren't allowed to have sex or it somehow diminishes them is fucked up.

Although like two years later he was trying to make jokes about it so maybe he felt bad. And now he's making awkward jokes about how my fiancé needs to knock me up.

So maybe he got over it. Who knows! I just hope my sister doesn't have to go through it all.

I would be proud of you son. Dont get my daughter pregnant (Edit: at 17). Sex is the most natural thing in the world. Lol at one condom. If i were as clumsy as you there would be 10 on the Floor.

Sounds like an episode of the Inbetweeners.

I don't leave my daughters at home alone with dudes. I'm not stupid. I make them sneak around, like I had to.

There's also the option of being 35 and going on awesome vacations because you don't have kids.

Ah well kids at 17 aint bad, who needs money, education, happiness, and the chance to completely remove the family from my life if needs be

I can't escape this meme

if you got that thicc dicc you don't need no condom

Should have stuck with Trojan. They are better at hiding.

I remember how nervous I was meeting my girlfriends dad the first time too.

Walked in the house, she calls for her dad, and he comes up from the basement in just his underwear. The nerves subsided quickly after that.

Well at least you know what a potato is

For most parents, I think 17 is not that point.

Reminds me of the condom that flew across the room because it was pissed off.

And if you have to pee just go , tie when done, and keep on rocking.

Shake? I thought you meant snake...

http://imgur.com/8CBLr

Shake? I thought you meant snake...

Aaaand username somethingsomething.

"I got my was of hundreds, my magnum condoms, I'm ready to plow!"

I'm not in any way wishing violence against OP but if he ever gets a shiner someone is gonna hear about a really slippery shower at his friend's house.

Clown school of course haha...

Fucking with socks on is just wierd

I'm sure if he did it would still come in handy.

I've been doing this for a while now. However, it is important to poke a hole in the tip of the condom first so when you have to pee you dont have to take it off.

clunks condom tackle box on the ground with a thud

Just let me pick out the right tool for the job, missy!

True, but at some point they have to accept that sex happens

hipsters with their skinny jeans...

Always keep your condoms in your socks. So you don't have to find your pants when you need one

Now you know why the parents had no worries when they left..

Fatal Error 323: used condom on dad not daughter

It's the woman's job to sit on something hard, amiright?

Sorry, saw an opportunity, had to take it.

If I found out my SO peed in his condom and then fucked me id be pissed and probably end things that's nasty

Anywhere else should be ok. The problem with the wallet is you are sandwiching the condom between layers of plastic, paper, and possibly leather or some other sythethic material. All that puts a ton of stress on the condom especially if you sit on anything hard.

Plus this may just be me, but it also seems kinda tacky to carry in your wallet.

A regular condom can fit over you foot and get pulled up to your knee like a big sock.

Huh, I didn't notice until you pointed that out

😂😂 tbh I feel punching my broken dick would've been better

This wallet sounds like a George Costanza situation. Need to get that wallet game under control.

You expect your daughters to never have sex in your house? That's a bit rediculous. Teenagers will find a place to do it no matter what. I've never understood the whole "no being alone with your boyfriend in your room, leave the door open". Like, why are you being a cockblock!? If they use protection who cares? It's natural!

Though the same thing. Even after he lets you back in and says it's fine you still try to play it off instead of owning up to it. That's just cringey as hell, haha.

Lol. Yes, I'm sure the father would be thrilled when he sees the size of condoms his daughter's b/f buys.

You were going to wear this and fuck my daughter?

No, it's erm for a friend ha ha...

Your friend is going to fuck my daughter?

Interesting choice of words

Would it depend on how old they are? I mean, I'm not a dad, I'm only 19, but I feel like I'll be cool with my daughter doing it as long as A) the guy is a good guy And B) they use adequate protection

The box says open prior to sexual contact. Obviously you need to let it air out long enough for all that slippery stuff on it to dry .

If he stores the condoms he uses in his wallet OP will be like you and end up with 2 kids as well.

There are all sorts of fun party tricks you can do with them!

....Seriously, though, a condom being "too tight" can be an issue, as it's uncomfortable (like really, a lot)... which is why they make different sizes. Sure, they're made to stretch to incredible proportions, but it's no picnic when the condom is overly small.

Obviously, that's not the case in your anecdote, as I'm sure the guy just wanted to be incredibly dumb bareback it.

Which, by default, makes him a special kind of stupid.

Source: Was a 17 year old American male once.

reference: guy who pretended, not knowing what potatoes are...

So you had the drink in your other hand? Right

Yeah when someone lies for karma it's usually full of holes. This is such a bullshit story. He probably watched that episode of family guy and thought he could post it here.

that would be where you put the stuff that you don't want seen.

Username checks out

Yeah, like who the fuck thinks that's not worthy of getting the shit kicked out of you for?

Hint: I meant instead of coins.

There we go, a rational response.

I always carry them in my wallet. Where should I put them?

Coins don't go in your wallet ya goober.

I don't see this being a problem unless you guys are extremely young ....

Oh no, his daughter is making decisions about her own sex life. What a crime!

You should have just played it cool and said "It's not mine, I'm just holding it for a friend. I'm Too big for condoms."

You clearly did not let it slide.

Both 17

And anyway, there is no chance she will be getting pregnant because I will be fucking her in the ass before flipping her over and cumming all over her face

I can't tell if you're talking about fucking a girl or fucking a car...

For real, definitely would've saved me a lot of car sex and getting arrested for trespassing and public nudity if my parents would've just accepted that we were going to fuck anyway.

Ahh, good times though.

In the UK legal age of consent is 16 but people still get a bit funny with it. You're gonna have to be extremely respectful and not fuckup again any time soon to get him to be ok with you! Good luck man!

/sub/thatsthejoke

I'm not sure he would have to wear one. It seems that you don't have any periods...

(This was a punctuation joke.)

From a handy

Your wallet has a coin holder?? What kind of man's wallet is that?? Sounds like a coin purse to me.