TIFU by launching a spider

TIFU by launching a spider

So I am laying in my bed relaxing after a long day at work when I feel a tickle near my ankle. Being too tired to move, I ignore. That is until I realize this tickle is moving around and down my foot. I sit up and see a decent sized spider scurrying down my foot. Being deathly afraid of our eight-legged friends, the "holy shit there's a spider on me" feeling kicks in and I flail my leg violently up in the air to get this thing off of me. This is where the story turns from run-of-the-mill spider murder to the stuff of nightmares. It happened to be particularly warm outside on this night and I had the ceiling fan in my room running at high speed. Keep in mind that my bedroom is in a finished attic, so the ceiling is lower than in a normal room. As I catapulted this devil into the air, rolling off the bed in the process, I hear a slight "poof" and look up to see a small darkish cloud. No. No. This can't be.

It was FUCKING. RAINING. BABY. SPIDERS.

The motherfucker was pregnant and now all of her spider babies were descending down upon my chest, my face, my arms, everywhere. It seemed like there were hundreds. Surprised I didn't go into shock and die right then and there. Needless to say I scurried outta there and left my house. Maybe for good.

So OP, where you living now that you burned your house down?

You gotta own it OP, make those spider children yours, then become god king of the spiders.

OP is now a host to hundreds of spiderlings.

Plot twist: OP was spider from the start.

Ok. First thing, burn your house down. Second, shower, preferably in something caustic. Unfortunately wherever you showered is also contaminated, better burn that down as well. Just to be sure.

So OP is spider?

You killed their mom, now you have to raise them OP, that's the rule.

Assert dominance.

Plot twist #2: Uncle Ben's house is now ashes rip in pieces

I heard somebody needs a cheap flamethrower around here?

Maybe fling your faecal matter too, if it was a Spider Monkey...

I'll see myself out...

All those little baby spiders are going to find a quiet, secluded place to live. They're going to grow up in your house. You might see a few of them and kill them before they spawn but most of them will exist right under your nose. Those spiders will have babies, then those spiders will have babies. Until one day you go to move some furniture or something and come upon a little crack in the floorboards. You might see something moving in it. You might even poke it. And all those thousands of spiders will erupt from that crevice. If they don't kill you now, they will kill you later. OP, leave the neighborhood, leave the city, its not safe anymore.

The spider queen Elise has sacrificed herself for the glory of the swarm!

Start humping. It's how animals assert dominance.

And burn the ashes for good measure!

I'm so torn between the terror and odd cuteness of this piggy back ride from hell

Not pregnant. More likely just taking the kids for a walk. You made them orphans.

Not pregnant. More likely just . You made them orphans.

NOPE NOPE NOPE

tbh Elise needs a buff

Maybe pee too.

I also have pretty bad arachnophobia, if that happened to me I think I would have just died on the spot. The worst part would be knowing there are hundreds of baby spiders just running around growing inside your bedroom now. (Try not to think about that)

nonononononoononono

no

nnoo

NO

They'll eventually crawl into your ears and find a cozy new home.

It's called cumshot

I did this in a pool one time. There was a spider riding on the line that connects the pool cleaning machine to the side of the pool. I smashed the spider and then went back to playing underwater. Came up for air and was covered in thousands of tiny spiders.

Seconded. Her only use is that skillshot stun.