Spotted in the washroom at work...

Spotted in the washroom at work...

Put a label on there that says retina scanner.

E: Obligatory thanks for Gold E2: second edit for triggered comments. Thx bb

Okay Satan.

Wow, I thought I was the only one. The place I used to work added those to the restrooms. They trigger about 90 seconds after the lights come on. That would always be just as I was leaving. I'd get sprayed in the eye every time. I complained. They acted like I was crazy. I hated that place.

The kind of person who sees a "retina scanner" in a restroom, and proceeds to try it out.. frankly he deserves it.

Short privilege rears it's ugly head.

The day I get sprayed in the mouth by a bathroom air freshener is the day i rip a bathroom air freshener off the wall

Where? I can't see it.

"Have you tried peeing slower?" -Your old boss, probably.

Sure, while you're up there, do you mind moving it? Also can you hand me those paper towels from the top shelf?

I should probably ask HR to authenticate me so I can get into this company's evil lair. Though I'm friends with the boss so maybe I'm in already, let me try.


Being 6'4" I can sympathize with this person. I was in a bathroom waiting in line to use the urinal at a bar in Greece once when an automatic air freshener that I hadn't noticed spritzed a cold blast of scented chemicals into my eyes and mouth. Temporarily blinded, I gagged and spit while other bar patrons laughed at me. At first I thought someone had maced me, but laughed myself when I realized what had happened. I mentioned it to a bartender and one of the bouncers was in there a few seconds later ripping it down. The Greeks are such nice people.

Inversely, have you tried peeing faster, ya know, think firehose.

Are you telling me a toilet just detected how bad your shit smelled and gave you some air freshener accordingly?

Well my god.

scanning retinas

As im reading this I hear the mechanical spray of one I didnt know was under the toilet. I let out an audible what the fuck while on the can.

Being considered attractive is a pretty big thing. Most women REALLY do not like short guys, and it's not super easy for them to have good luck in the dating or fucking pool.

Moving that isn't as easy as removing a couple screws and trying to fill in the tile damage left behind. The airline tubing back to the scent headquarters is likely too short to simply extend and would require a costly splice to make it possible.

Omg those things smell soooo good but ya they taste like shit. I'm not tall. I just suck at refilling them.

why the fuck is that so funny

Hah! Nice one, tall man. As a short person I'll string up a strong sounded sentence and attack you verbally. Bitch!

here's a tip: stop tasting it

Well, I need about tree-fiddy...

This. As much as women like to rag about impossible beauty standards, they can be incredibly "heightist" themselves. Some even write it on their online dating profile, like: don't even bother writing if you're under ${some_way_above_average_height}.

Imagine the shit a guy would get for writing: "must have at least a C cup" or "must have a BMI of 20 or less" (and then everyone still has the option to lose weight, a man can't magically grow 5 inches taller)

The lord made people like me to appreciate the little guys. I prefer short men. I'm also a dude, though, so... sorry about that.

Rectina scanner.

You should drink at 2pm on a Tuesday more.

It's not the eye, it's the asshole you are supposed to scan. We have one at work.

The last one I've seen at work was installed at eye level. That's the last time I saw.

and just how short are you?

Standard deviation 13s... That tell us this average is bs.

What is this? I don't get it.

not just more attractive but it's proven tall guys get more dates, raises, promotions, opportunities, lenience, believability, etc. just about everything that makes adulthood easier.

Automatic air freshener that's on the bathroom wall. Too high up to bother most people, but if you're taller, it might get you in the face.

I was eating cereal when I read this and you literally made milk come out of my nose with this comment. You've earned yourself some reddit gold.

Do you play basketball?

The implied wtf look on the guys face in the end is what got me.

You're not taking into the account the cost of relocating the freshness tubing from headquarters or the 20amp dedicated circuit feeding the unit.

Does your head fit under the shower head? Checkmate, tall people.

UGH you have no ideohhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

oh ok thanks

I wish I were scent to headquarters

inb4 "how's the weather up there"

As a tall guy, I'm honestly curious what issues there are with being short. The only ones I've heard are people finding taller people more attractive and not reaching things on high shelves. Not trying to start a fight here, just genuinely curious.

I am very tall with very little confidence. I have accomplished very little in my life. Checks out.

The funny thing here is that the bartenders actually listen in real life.

I've yet to meet a single one who's got more time than to endlessly keep making drinks. But in the movies and jokes they're always there to listen.

No, the real problem of being tall is the awkward crouch in the shower because you're taller than the shower head.

It's funnier to each person because the face is a blank slate. You see whatever punchline reaction you find funniest.

My dad had these at work right at ear level next to the urinal. Not pleased with getting smelly crap blasted into his ears while trying to take a leak, he opened it up and reversed the batteries inside the unit. By just reversing the batteries it took them much longer to figure out why the unit wasn't working.

Edit: phrasing

That's a uh... that's a really good point. I've never thought about that. What a pain in the neck showers must be.

The VIP washroom.

I mean, if you really aren't interested in getting into the spy agency, the fine by me. It just sounds like you don't have what it takes.

The real LPT is always in the comments

Almost all mammals take around 21 seconds to pee, from elephants to mice.

Mike Wazowski.

Don't forget it probably has a GPS marker to prevent theft. You have to get a surveyor to log the new position. Even inputting the new coordinates is a hassle as those units run on legacy COBOL and has to be typed in with one button.

More innocently, put labels that say "voice activated" on the automatic paper towel dispensers.

I wonder how much of that just comes from confidence. I feel like you usually feel like the more dominant person in a conversation when you are looking down vs looking up and that subconsciously triggers confidence, maybe I'm just over analyzing but I've certainly felt that when I am talking to a taller person vs a shorter person.

Short guys are kinda like angry fat chicks. Except there is nothing they can do about it.

How low is your shower head to it be a pain in the ass?

Replace it with another sign...


ok but... it smells sooooo good!

It's most likely just a Madagascar hissing cockroach. Make sure to cover your urethra.

Retina scanner for what

I'm imagining a 6'9 version of Bryan Cranston walking past the air freshener and getting sprayed in the face. He then begins angrily gripping and yanking the air freshener, only to have it spray him in the face even more due to him continually triggering the motion sensor.

Okay, so my wife used to keep one of these above our refrigerator. I'm six foot two, which means that the fucker was just about at eye level with me.

And it was motion activated.

Bend down to grab a beer from the fridge? Sprayed in the eyes. Open the freezer door to grab my daughter a popsicle? Sprayed in the eyes. Get a bag of frozen corn for when my wife sprains an ankle? Sprayed in the eyes AND I tripped over a toy and slammed my shin into the pantry doorknob. That's when it went into the trashcan.

English fails me to express how much I hate those things.

Rektina Scanner

Damn you Lochness Monster!

It seems like gay guys don't value height in the same way gals do. If I were straight I'd be swimming in it. But as a gay man approaching man-giant status, it's a detriment I would say.

We can jump and climb on chairs, y'know.

See I found it funnier to believe he was actually interested in watching.

those things sound exactly like someone unscrewing the cap off a carbonated beverage bottle. When was a child in the stalls waiting for everyone to leave, i thought the sound meant someone was quietly standing there, with his coke. and so I waited still..

By just reversing the batteries it took them much longer to figure out why the unit wasn't working.

The first thing they tried wasn't to swap out the batteries?

😰 rectal scanner

this is the ultimate joke!!

As a woman, I can admit to this. I have no true reasoning for why I prefer men taller than me. Especially considering I'm 5'11, so fairly tall to begin with. I did date a few shorter men. If I had to guess the shortest was maybe 5'5, probably more around 5'2/3ish. As bad as this sounds, and I apologize in advance, it felt like I was dating a preteen. Not necessarily a child as I've heard some women say, but it definitely felt wrong to me. Again I have no fucking idea why I felt that way but I did.

The relationship didn't end due to our height discrepancies, more so that he was transferred out of state for his job and began poking his pecker in another woman.

Tldr: am female, prefer taller guys, have no reason why.

I'm 5'5" - not even short for a woman, squarely average - and chairs are just not built for me. My feet just plain don't touch the ground comfortably when I sit in most chairs.

Being in crowds also sucks ass, you can't see shit.

... Doesn't your life mean it does check out? You have confidence, you have had success in life. You prove the point.

One of those air freshener things that automatically sprays every 20 minutes or so. It has a timer.

Hugh mungus wot

Your username isn't much worse

Says blocked for me too, but that's only for their content distribution network, so I'm guessing they might've banned a whole range of IPs just so the images aren't accessed individually. If you go to the original site, you shouldn't be banned. But then again, it's a silly place, so its best not to.

2017: The year we reached joke perfection.

Do as I command!

That's interesting! I'd never considered that. I guess my thing in general is that I appreciate the more unique aspects that are undervalued. I like big ears, I like large noses. Super short guys or super tall but really skinny guys. I even like guys who are sporting less than in the manhood department. I feel like I was created to make sure that anyone with insecurities knows that there are definitely people who appreciate the uniqueness of the human body.

Yeah, you want me to get it from that top shelf for you?

I'm only 6 foot 1 inches, and even I can confirm that's a pain in the ass in most showers.

lol dafuq is my IP banned from 4chan for?

I guess that's the annoying thing about being tall. There's this 6'5" guy at my company who everyone talks to initially because they think he's in charge. He has to point them to the short guy with the PhD to answer their questions.

I said exactly this after I calmed down enough to form words

Well hey, I think the takeaway here is short guys can do just fine in the fucking department.

No thank you.

I was an unconfident, anxious mess in high school but I also hit 6'1" by age 13. I saw other people being bullied (this is pre-Columbine so it was really bad) and wondered why I was left alone, completely oblivious to the fact that people were physically intimidated by me.

Also people would always assume that I would lead group projects etc and it made me so upset because I hated the spotlight.

Now I use my height to its full advantage in my job and elsewhere. It's great.

Short person dating a slightly shorter guy (5'4). We both can't reach top shelves at super markets and he has to pick me up so we can reach stuff. Leggings and pants(for him too) are usually too long. I have to fold my leggings at the bottom so they don't look silly and go past my toes. For him shirts and clothes (especially business clothes) is pretty hard to find BUT usually cheaper. The steering wheel/pedals have to be really close or you have to tiptoe?to get to them which is dangerous since we have to be really close. Being a candidate for "tall" people sports same with me. In addition to being a short male(so) and the dating/emotional aspect. You get a lot of people who find it weird when you date short guys(myself) and they always make it a point "oh but you're taller than him.." yeah thanks for pointing that out as if in the 3 years we dated I never noticed 😑.

Sadly, he couldn't see your comment.

For me it's when bullshit cabinets or paper towel dispensers are mounted over a sink. I need to bend over to reach the water and now I'm headbutting the damn cabinet.

but youll never see it to know you need.

I'm 6-4. I purposely put shit away high so my 5-2' girlfriend will never touch it. One of the many benefits

There is also a significant income gap, of the same order as race or sex, and short people are significantly under represented in as CEOs and presidents. It probably comes down to a combination of cognitive bias in favour of tall people, viewing them as smarter and better leaders, and increased self-esteem and confidence from hieght, for a range of reasons.

Yeah but what if the tall people get on chairs and then hide stuff

A lot of people in a work environment?

Have a tall husband. We bought shower height adjustment things (technical term). They just screw on to the pipe coming out of the wall, and you screw a shower head on the other end. He loved it. It moved with us and was always one of the first things installed.

Yeah, just send your short servant.

I command you, in the name of Lucifer, to spread the blood of the innocent!

Crazy Chicago

GeoFresh rep here. We take fresh air seriously, especially when that involves our clients' restrooms. And the posters above are correct; moving this unit would take a little work. I would venture an educated guess though that the building this unit is located in has at least three or four more restrooms. If that is indeed the case, then the installer would only have to remove that segment of tubing which extends from the unit to the hub, which is most likely mounted on the pump housing up on the roof. The job to relocate with this arrangement is much less involved than with a single-unit spoke system.

I'd recommend to the building's contractor that he look into our newer model on his next job. It's a little pricier, but with its in-wall collapsible cistern feature it's much more versatile.


My condolences

Shower head? More like Shower Chest.

Happy cake day!

Tall -> walks inside basement -> hits head on ceiling -> faints -> dies. Psh, yeah tall privilege


Are you sexually harassing me?