So unhappy being female, I've become a recluse and deeply depressed

So unhappy being female, I've become a recluse and deeply depressed

Let me preface this by saying that I don't idealise being male. Being female just feels deeply wrong. Nowadays there are so many people trying to make themselves look like the gender they consider themselves to be and somehow I can't take them seriously. Even though I feel their pain. Maybe it's self-hatred.

I have always been pleased with the way I looked, for a female. I haven't encountered any obstacles in life due to being female. I just feel ill-equipped physically. I'm sure this type of thread pops up on here on occasion, I'm not the only one going through this but I just had to share this with someone.

There is no way I could know what being male is like. I have no idea why I am like this and I wish some neurologist would be able to to take a look at my brain and tell me "well no wonder, we've got a clearly male brain here, sucks for you". Then I could accept myself at least.

Anyone able to relate, got any ideas, anything?

I am a trans woman myself, so if you had expressed dysphoria, I would’ve agreed that you could be too. My spouse identifies as queer, and for them, how they identify falls in line with what you described. They don’t want to feel like one has to align oneself in a polarizing way, but at the same time doesn’t want female characteristics. My own personal beliefs is that you can operate anywhere on the spectrum, because it really doesn’t matter. If you have more of a disdain towards your body, maybe talk to a therapist, narrow down what you are feeling, maybe just having a neutral party to talk to will feel relieving

I just feel ill-equipped physically

Can you elaborate?

That is more of an abnormality or deficiency though that happens in 0.018 percent of the population according to Wikipedia. So while this happens, I wouldn't count it when talking about biological sex.

Funny you would say that because that's kind of how I feel about being female. It's like a disability. I didn't want to phrase it like that as to not offend all of you. I don't hate women.

I don't conform to female gender roles and I'd say I'm treated with enough respect. I suppose I'm seen as a strong and confident woman which is fine but never quite right.

I don't see transition as an option. That would just be putting artificial masculine attributes onto a female body, I really can't see the appeal.

I'm sure this is much more complex than what I can share here, but I wanted to present a couple other thoughts specifically in regards to this reply in case they help you find support networks for these possible topics (if you need them)

First if you're sex repulsed that's a thing that can happen for a variety of reasons, but if you have low libido and that is distressing, then you may see if you can talk to a psychiatrist about HSDD. It's a thing that can often be treated, and there's a sub over at /sub/hsdd that might help you get a better feel for if that's a thing for you.

If you're just not really interested in anybody, you could be on the asexuality spectrums (full disclosure, I'm ace). These are generally not about libido, but instead just about who you're attracted to. So if you'd generally rather have cake, maybe check out /sub/asexual or /sub/asexuality

If neither of those is a thing for you, then that's okay too! This reply just reminded me of those options that might be applicable for you.

You need therapy. If you know you are deeply depressed, therapy will help you. You don’t have to feel this way.

It will also help the internalized sexism you have. Saying “I don’t hate women” is much different from saying “I love women”. You say you’re fit “for a woman”. There ARE women out there who outlift men. You definitely have some bitterness towards femininity as a whole.

May I ask how old you are?

Sure a neurologist won't be able to do that either but a "transgender youth support group" sounds like a biased environment as well. Have you considered talking to a therapist, doing CBT or something along those lines to attempt and understand why you might be feeling this way? If you do decide that becoming a transgender is the way forward then you can attend a support group for it.

I think she's trying to say that there are feminine and masculine traits in everyone. I appreciate the response. I'm bi and I wished everyone else was but that's not my experience.