my vacuum is terrified of gaps

my vacuum is terrified of gaps

Stop you're hurting it!

You're vacuuming a dresser

Look at that monster's face he doesn't even care!

When I was growing up we had a vacuum in the house that sounded like a ticklish camel. My mother inherited it from her mother - and my father would get hilarious with the thing when he used it. I know not many people in The U.S. know what a ticklish camel sounds like but it sounds a lot like nineteen ninety eight when the undertaker threw mankind off hеll in a cell, and plummeted sixteen feet through an announcer's table.

Fuck it. I laughed way to goddamned hard at this. Had a shitty day so far, needed this, THANKS!!!!!

That made me ugly laugh and snort.

NO I WAS SO ENJOYING YOUR STORY

My vacuum has a duster attachment. I vacuum all the things.

It screams because it sees how dirty ur home is underneath

this whistle

It's like a PG version of

Am I the only one who doesn't look at usernames?

AMEN or ignore

comment AMEN or ignore if you love satan!!

ITS FUCKING u/shittymorph YOU SHOULD KNOW BETTER BY NOW DUDE

Omg that was intense.

This was put together by /u/ohyouresilly - he is a goddamn wizard - give him all of your upvotes

Obviously by taking it off and then vacuuming it using a different attachment. Duh.

I'm at work, so I had to suck my lips into my mouth and hold my nose with my hand to keep from embarrassing myself.

But how do you dust the duster attachment?

Not now you don't.

Yeah man, it causes undue stress on your innards, it also shrinks your penis over time.

I'm calling DeFranco right now to make a video about this vacuum abuse.

That is one mighty fine gif you have there

upvoted because vacuum

Pneumonia, Cracked rib,Coughing fits so i can't breathe. WHY did i watch this. this killed me

But...I pee with that...

Sounds like those gagged people who are screaming through the gag when the villian is about to torture them with something sharp or burny in movies.

I swear I'm normal.

That's a dresser but sure

AMEN or ignore

You poor bastard, holding laughter like that in can cause injury.

It's 2017, vacuums deserve better treatment!

But that's not innovative

AMEN or ignore

THAT'S THE POINT LOL

Nah. Vacuums suck!

Holy shit, I got bamboozled by the famous /u/shittymorph!

Holy shit. I think this is the first time I've actually seen you post a regular comment without throwing mankind off hell in a cell...

Your username sucks

yeah super intense

AMEN or ignore

AMEN or ignore

That's a youtubehaiku.

rip in peace :(

2 Years. Username checks out.

AMEN or ignore

This is what happened when that video opened for me. It was a sync from heaven.

Calling upon /sub/reallifedoodles forces.

Kids these days and their screamo.

HAHA YEAH I TOO PARTAKE IN THE CONSUMPTION OF DRUGS, 420 BLAZE IT BRO!!!!!

/sub/datgap

Yea, they get super dusty too.

Oh. Is this the beginning? Is Phil going to take over Reddit? I'm fine with that.

I KNOW

Or, ya know just brush it off with your hands, and then wash them.

Really?

I swear I'm normal

/sub/iamveryrandum

Super duper intense.

am i the only one laughing here?

rip your dick off

You're gonna .

Honestly, I'm stating to miss the tree fiddy jokes. You felt them coming, but these mankind bullshits always get me out of no where.

Thank you, that eased the sting of the bamboozlement

Because of u/shittymorph I now look at names when I see a long text because I don't want to get invested just to be bamboozled. This time it was just short enough that I didn't check. GAH!

Edit: plus that "ticklish camel" line was too good. I got sucked right in.

Go blow yourself!

When I was working housekeeping my motto was: If it can be vaccummed, I'm vaccumming it.

rip in peace :(

Rib in peace

A scream. Then two. Then five

how about... how it was actually used.

Imagine. You're in a canoe, going down one of the murky rivers in the heart of uncharted South America. Trees hang over the sides of the banks, delicately brushing the water with their leaves, hiding any predators that might lurk in wait. You know better than to let your canoe stray too close to the shores, and you know why.

Soon it grows dark, and the sun slowly becomes a haze of red in the distance, obscured by the canopy. You know you're far from camp, in your enemy's territory, and all you have is two spears, a sling, and your rations, but in all honesty, the evening is pretty peaceful, and birds still fly overhead, which means they haven't left a threat. You paddle on.

Then you realize it. No chirping crickets. No grunting monkeys in the distance. No singing birds, not a breath of wind rustles any single leaf. It's so silent, your oar breaking the water is deafening. Maybe it's just you? You stop and coast, quietly.

Nothing. It's as if the world has stopped breathing along with you. And you hear a very faint noise, like an inhale... you peer, and the unmistakable visage of a carved leopard mask, with skeletal features and grimacing teeth is there unmoving in the dark, staring right at you. And suddenly, the most horrifying noise, the most anguished scream you've ever heard, the sound of a mother seeing her child die, the sound of one's entrails as they're ripped from within you, the sound of hate and of fear in one. . Then dozens of simultaneous screaming voices stab at you from the shores. You know that scream. It's the scream of a man too deep in a warring tribe's territory, as his last thoughts are of pain and terror. The scream of your family who will find your empty boat washed up on their shore tomorrow, a dire warning for a mortal mistake.

It's an all seeing vacuum, duh!

Who are we kidding, you've always been ugly.

LOLLLLL

*shits out spork*

Been a longtime fan of Phil, it's great to see he's now getting the recognition he deserves for reporting tough stories and being as middle grounded as possible.

Why are you vacuuming your dresser?

I finally figured out your end game. You are trying to get put on the Wikipedia page describing this event. Classic example of the long con...

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Undertaker_vs._Mankind_(Hell_in_a_Cell_match)

Nope. He got me for the same reason for the third fucking time.

Huh, you went through the effort of making a new account for a shit joke .-.

Are you sure? It looks turned on to me.

Super-diddly-uper intense.

this Aphex Twin track

Reminds me of .

SO WEED, SUCH POT, MUCH HIGH

When I was growing up we had a vacuum in the house that sounded like a ticklish camel. My mother inherited it from her mother - and my father would get hilarious with the thing when he used it. I know not many people in The U.S. know what a ticklish camel sounds like but it sounds a lot like a screaming child crossed with squeaking styrofoam.

FTFY

I thought after reading about his retirement I was safe. Well played sir well played. But wait, does a ticklish camel really sound like a man being broken in half?

I'll give him first born, and he'll like it!

Is it just me, or is he rather attractive?

What, are you above living in a dresser or something? Rich snobs like you make me sick.

Imagine hearing this noise in a room downstairs in the middle of the night.

HOLY SHIT I WAS SMOKIGN MARIHABA AND THEN I READ THIS OMG WTF!@!!

I appreciate how you put the year in words instead of numbers so that a quick glance couldn't save the reader from their fate.

I hate you, but I can respect your evil works.

i didnt post that im getting hacked

Lol

NSFW for those that don't know.

You have subscribed to Bible Facts:

Where we provide interesting facts from only the newest testaments and nothing from that pesky old testament.

Say AMEN to receive a fact or I'M A DIRTY GAY SATAN WORSHIPPING HIPPIE to unsubscribe.

The screaming disturbed my cats.

This little string here made me laugh way more than the video

I thought you had disappeared into the jungles never to be found, only imitators to stand in your wake. But here ye stand.

Your face is the facest face that ever faced

Ribs in pieces

They are called teepees...

/sub/forwardsfromgrandma is leaking

Lol

Bamboozled again.

I just moved into a place where the last people never cleaned ever so we had to vacuum the walls

Nature Hates Them!

Goddamn it I never fuckin read the nameeeeeeeee when it's him! It's like my brain is trained to ignore it and fall for it every single damn time!

I mean, they're both screaming in fear...

Fucking internet...that's a goddamned ticklish camel!