"So do I" would have been a great awkward response.
"Oh honey, don't flatter yourself."
The only people I know that would react like that to someone being nice are people with serious issues.
Aaaaand you're in a meeting with HR.
"Oh, I'm sorry you misunderstood my intentions."
Exactly. Never ever ever talk to her again. If it drives her nuts, we were right.
What's your man got to do with me?
I'm not tryin' to hear that, see?
Plot twist, he is HR.
Dude she just didn't want to give you the time of day.
Can confirm, am HR, I get away with everything
If you weren't hitting on them just be honest. "I wasn't hitting on you"
Don't apologize or anything just be straight forward and from then on only interact with her when it's related to business.
I would have told her not to flatter herself
Fucking Toby. Go back to Costa Rica.
Or stab her boyfriend in the chest and say, "not anymore."
"Oh my god you think" laugh loudly and walk away, point at girl if anyone ask why you were laughing then start laughing again
I have a boyfriend
Cool, so which part of the power point am I doing?
Not talking to someone?
"Hello, HR?! I'd like to issue a complaint against Felrus."
"The new guy? What happened?"
"Well, he was flirting with me when he first started, and I told him to leave me alone."
"Ok, and he's pestering you now?"
"No. He won't talk to me."
"Ok, so what's the issue?"
"He won't talk to me!"
"Right. But didn't you ask him to leave you alone?"
"...Hello, HR, I'd like to issue a complaint against HR."
came here to say this. On campus when I realized I left my cell in the car I started to ask a girl walking by what time it was. She spouted off that she had a boyfriend. "Cool, so do I. Now do you know what time it is?" I'm straight btw.
The thing is it was a mediation session with our manager and I was new so I had to be polite
I think she was the more socially awkward one in that situation.
Wow. It's like explaining yourself, exactly how you meant it, can really clear up misunderstandings.
Has anyone found a serious way that they could respond to this type of situation without causing problems and still keeping their cool?
Exactly. Just spit it out, but don't be hostile about it.
I'd go with "Oh I wasn't trying to flirt, I was just trying to be friendly. I'm sorry if I caused a misunderstanding."
One of my UK buddies, who is gay, worked on the National Express bus line as a summer job.
One time he got complaints from customers of suspected lewd behavior in the back row.
He goes back there and pulls the jacket off the guy's lap, revealing the girl's head bobbing up and down.
"Sorry miss, you'll have to stop that," he said.
Everybody stared evilly at them. Embarrassed, the woman retorted "yeah, well, you're just jealous."
The bus man looked a little bemused. "No, I'm not," he said. "I've sucked bigger cocks than that."
Then pull the person nearest you, "haha she actually thinks I want her." And then rip on everything about her looks, wardrobe, etc. But make sure you have another job lined up before you go scorched Earth.
In my life I met several guys trying to flirt and, when they are rejected, they swear they were just being nice.
On the other hand, I never met a girl who rejected in a clear and direct way someone who was just being nice.
I don't know what to think about OP
Oh, geez. In a job you just started? I would stay far away from her, OP - stories like this one don't usually end well.
You laugh, but my mentor was sued by a lady who was under investigation for embezzling. She sued him for sexual harassment because he didn't talk to her at work. Obviously he won the case, but still. Wackos are wackos.
Yeah I waited to post this until the job was over (we were camp councilors) and did my best to stay away from then on.
NO GOD NO PLEASE NO NOOOO!!!!
She apparently complained I was hitting on her to the manager which led to the session where she said that.
This guy zens
Shout out to my mate from Sevilla who taught me this one "I'm not jealous"
That could work. Although the murder charge may be a bit problematic later on. It's a bold strategy, Cotton, let's see if it pays off for him.
Ah. Then that changes everything. Should have ran the rumor mill that she was a conceited bitch through the "rumor" kids.
"You think just because I'm a man that I'm automatically interested in you? I could be gay. I could be married. I know I'm new around here, but that's no excuse for blatant prejudice and borderline sexual harassment. I'll be sure to make HR aware that you are in serious need of sensitivity training." drop mic, walk away
Sorry it came off that way
Use "Sorry you felt that way" instead
/u/Felrus should beware because he is new on the job and this sounds like a potential HR pitfall
Usually just replying with "I was just being friendly. Don't flatter yourself" stops that shit cold. Although I don't use that with someone I have to end up working with.
you should have replied back "oh dont worry so do i, and he's fa-bulous. love your shoes.. byeeee!"
I got the same thing once, and it was kind of shitty because I never felt comfortable around the coworker anymore.
She actually apologized later (maybe because she sensed that) but I never could warm up to her after that. I actually am very hesitant to flirt with girls, because I don't think my ego can handle the rejection. So it was like I got the shitty ego-crushing rejection even though I didn't do anything to ask for it. Made me resent her even if it was just an honest misunderstanding.
I caught the sarcasm, but you'd be surprised. In a professional environment, the amount of unprofessional people I'm surrounded by sometimes shocks me.
Just as an example of conversations:
"I have a boyfriend" "I wasn't flirting with you, sorry for the confusion" "Yea sure you weren't"
"I have a boyfriend" "I was discussing work?" "Ok creep, just stop flirting with me please?"
Sometimes defending yourself makes you look like you're backpedaling, which is embarrassing enough. To others, your embarrassment probably only makes you look more guilty. In these situations, firing back with "I have a girlfriend" with a look of distaste is usually a nice wake up call, as well as a good tactic to prevent her from needlessly shouting that again.
Wait, she said this in front of your manager during a mediation session?
I'm big daddy long stroke and your man's Pee Wee Herman.
If I had a gun with two bullets and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Landen and Toby, I would shoot Toby twice.
Then bust out the old katana, jump into the air and battle the ninjas hiding in the trees.
^ This guy camps
I hate so much about the things you choose to be.
The funny thing is, I have men hit on me and ask me out even after they know I have a husband. Like within the same 10 second conversation... "Maybe I could take you out" "haha, my husband and I would love that" "yeah, he doesn't have to know" ... so at least you're not that asshole.
I'd love the look the judge's face when they first read over the case.
"I have a boyfriend"
"Yeah but I just wanted to say hello and--"
"I. Have. A boyfriend."
"Do you know when the vending machines are?"
"Ugh. Fine, here's my number."
Yeah, make sure that your apologies always project the blame onto the other person. Making an apology actually sound sincere and focused on your behavior (even if you don't necessarily feel it was your fault) makes you look weak, and you will lose the respect of the herd.
Man, that works in so many ways:
Not jealous as in not possessive: you can share her with her bf
Not jealous of the bf: she's unattractive
So...actually just two ways ig. But still.
To play devil's advocate, I don't think most guys have a clue how much fake nice BS women put up with on a regular basis by guys who only want to get in your pants. It doesn't matter if you're in a long-term relationship, married, have kids, are a lesbian, whatever.
This is shockingly common behavior, and makes it difficult to tell who's being nice and who's simply taking advantage of your friendship but hoping to get something more. These guys who do this also usually aren't the type who takes no for an answer, so this makes the situation awkward to navigate. Shutting them down early is the only way to get them to stop.
Women are used to sleazy advances, getting called names like "bitch" or "slut" when you don't want to sleep with someone, and having so-called friends complain that you "led them on" when you thought they were just being friendly, because the only reason they were your friend in the first place was because they wanted to sleep with you.
There are girls that are complete assholes too, but a lot of guys don't realize how commonplace this behavior is because other guys don't do it when they're around. So they think any girl that responds in such a curt manner is narcissistic, conceited, or flattering herself. In reality, women have to deal with this type of event on a regular basis.
It really sucks for the guys that really are being nice. But there are a lot of men out there who are complete assholes, and they are also the ones who are most likely to talk to women.
Fuck her boyfriend. Establish dominance, tell her "He also has a boyfriend".
"I don't try to be flirtatious - only nice. How would you recommend I talk to you so it doesn't seem like flirting to you?"
It's not rude, it doesn't admit guilt, and it basically forces her (or him) admit that they misinterpreted you.
Damn son. Well done.
Yeah, I don't think there's enough information here. And really no way to gather it.
Her experiences in the past would provide insight.
Edit: just corrected know to no
This makes way more sense now. Camp counselors are crazy.
-Former Camp Counselor
Personally I would just be a normal human being and say something along the lines of "Oh sorry I wasn't hitting on you just trying to be friendly. Sorry it came off that way"
Yea, don't you just hate those offices where nobody has anything to do but hit on their female coworkers and try to have sex with them? Those disgusting pigs always asking things like:
"How are you today?"
"How was your weekend?"
"Any cool projects you're working on this week?"
Makes me fucking sick.
A little banal conversation to give the appearance that I actually give two shits about anything to do with you or your life.
I've definitely heard the I have a boyfriend line when just being friendly with someone. But it's no big deal. I appreciate them saying that because I think being clear up front is better than leaving a chance for misunderstanding.
Maybe. But if someone is so stuck up that they automatically assume you're flirting with them, and your reply was "so do I" they're probably equally going to assume that you're insinuating that it doesn't matter that you're both spoken for and makes them think you're even sleazier.
An apology that projects the blame onto the other person isn't an apology.
I think the point is you shouldn't need to apologise in the first place for being friendly.
"I'm sorry you felt that way" is the same as "You're wrong", but more polite.
The insanity wolf upvote in the theme has never been more relevant.
A simple "I was not flirting with you, I'm new and I was just trying to be friendly."
Anyone with even a scrap of self awareness would at least internally have to feel like "Man... I'm a bitch." at that response.
But I get the feeling she is the kind of person walking around assuming everyone is attracted to her and most likely has serious ego issues.
Basically... This kind of person is a lose lose situation, just limit any interaction if possible.
What if no guys in the vicinity have a duck? Or what if there is a duck, but it doesn't consent? Sounds like a matter of bird law. Someone clear this up for me, please.
"I don't like /sub/prequelmemes. It's coarse, and rough, and irritating, and it gets everywhere."
It's treason, then.
You think only women suffer through that?
"Hey do you have those TPS reports"
God dammit Bob for the last time I'm not interested!
This annoys me way too much. Some dude I met at a Taco Bell asked me if I could give a couple of his friends a ride down the road to a hospital he lived by (he was on his bike and would meet them there). I happily obliged and as they were getting in my Jeep I told the last one getting in, who happened to be a girl, that she could sit in the front seat. "No thanks, I have a boyfriend." Jeez. I said you could sit in the front, not suck my dick. What the hell does that have to do with you having a boyfriend!? Sorry for the rant, I just don't appreciate my kind gestures being taken as some sort of ploy to get them to sleep with me. What did you say to her after she told you that?
In my life I met several guys trying to flirt and, when they are rejected, they swear they were just being nice
How did you know?
After that if she says fuck you. Tell her you don't do charity work.
It'll never work
Yeah, don't know if this helps or not. This guy had 3 different sexual harassment suits, all were about as bad as this one. And he easily won all 3.
The best court story came from him and his ex-wife's divorce. They had twins and were working out alimony, keep in mind he is a VP of accounting for a global mining company. So he stands to lose a lot of money. On a chance meeting at the mall with his wife's sister, she tells him, he is too good of a guy and she can't go along with it. The twins weren't his. She had cheated on him. He goes to court asks for paternity tests and life is peachy again. He never got remarried after that one though.
Does anybody really know what time it is?
You'd have to be alpha as fuck to pull it off... not everyone is that alpha as fuck though.
Sadly. You're right too. :\
My view was a bit simplistic
Did she ever tell you what time it was?
Is Mike the boyfriend?
Anecdote is anecdotal.
Well, she kind of deserves it.
"I wasn't trying to flirt with you, I was just trying to treat you the same way I treat all of our coworkers; with dignity and respect. Don't worry, I'll be sure not to make that mistake again."
That still comes across as incredibly rude though.
I have a friend who works in an office setting. The company he works for had hired some new people, one of them he had to train. My friend is a naturally nice person. He told me how he had been training one of the new hires and she mistook his niceness and him doing his job as flirtation. She asked him out. He told her no, as not only is he gay, but he has been in a long term relationship.
She thought he was lying because it was "so obvious you're hitting on me." He told her "Sorry. I was never hitting on you. I am so very gay."
We both found it hilarious as it is very obvious he is gay.
I'm biologically alpha but identify as beta
For all we know OP is a creeper.
or maybe the work environment is so toxic that the only time someone is polite is when they are looking for sex...
If you're gonna end up in front of HR anyway you might as well go with, "You'll know I'm flirting when you've suddenly forgotten about him."
Too long. How about:
"You think that just because I'm a man I'm attracted to you? How conceited..."
"Am I being detained?"
I once had a trainee complain to my boss that I kept starring at her and watching everything she did because she was hot. My boss said "you mean training you and then watching to make sure you do everything right?"
its the implication...
everyone knows whoever rides shotgun has to give road head.
Plot twist, he is the female co-worker.
/sub/showercomebacks is already a real sub.
I consider myself an alpha as fuck.
And when they start to overpower you, find something deep within yourself that you never knew you had and go full-on super Saiyan. Then proceed to kaioken x10 those damn ninjas.
or stab her in the chest date the boyfriend
“And I have standards”