Hope you sent his bum ass an graduation invite

Hope you sent his bum ass an graduation invite

It's the best worse feeling when you do something not even your own parents believed that you could do it

My parents said I'd never cum in a matress. I did LOL

wait no

Views from the 6 4.0 GPA.

Misery really loves company hey. Shitty people always trying to keep/drag others down into the mud with them

If Your reading this I passed school

The fact that he said "an" instead of "a" in the title hurt me

Yes. The mattress was asking for it. Fucking harlot.

You've got nothing else to do inside. My cell always had the best amenities. Normally it's difficult to wash your hands (or anything else) in a jail cell. There's a button on the top of the sink/toilet; you press that button down and water comes out the top, like a water bubbler. You need to keep the button held down or the water will stop, so you can only use one hand in the sink at a time. Not ideal, actually it's a pain in the royal ass if you ever need water for anything.

So I got myself an extra pair of shoes (canvas shoes like Converse, or plastic ones like Crocs, the jail had both types and both work), and would bend one in half between the wall and the button to hold it down. I would even hang the shoe off the edge of the sink with a piece of jail rope (that's a torn strip of sheet that's been twisted up) so it was always hanging next to the sink.

But that just gets you a weak, weak stream of water that in some cells barely even bubbled out of the top of the bubbler. Again, think of a water bubbler at school or at a playground, and you've seen the ones where the water barely comes out at all, it just kind of dribbles out? Well most jail cells sinks I saw were like that. You need pressure. So you take a pen, which in jail is about 3 inches long, soft (so you can't stab anyone with it), and clear (so you can't hide anything in it). You take the ink thing out. You jam one end of that tube into the sink-- which, I don't believe in god, but if I did I would say that is the one mercy in that place is that the pen fits exactly right into the sink hole-- and boom, you've got pressure!

You've got water pressure that will spray uncontrolled across the cell, anyway. So you cut a notch into the end of the pen tube, and you bend it so the end is facing down into the sink, and then you take a little piece of dental floss, and tie it up so that it stays that way. (In jail the dental floss comes in packs of little loops, a couple inches wide. You just double or triple up the loop and slide it over.)

And then, my friend, you have hot water, at a decent pressure, spraying down into your sink. And now you can wash both hands at once in hot water and feel like a normal person, if only for a minute. I would wash my hands like 8 times a day. Pure heaven.

Good looking out. My bad. It's a good thing I'm not the one graduating college then.


I have no idea what i just read

More Debt

I got in a really bad fight with my dad once and he said to me "You're not gonna become shit." Even if he didn't mean it, it still haunts me and I remember it clear as day. I ended up making twice his salary right out of college.

His dad said he would never amount to anything, because he would never be in his sons life. His dad is a lawyer/ex judge. Then when the dad had other kids, he wanted OP to be around to babysit, and he's been acting nice to OP since they were born. But OP knows better, he knows his dad can go suck a fuck.


But are you composed of fecal matter?

EMU represent 👍🏽

Don't actually go to Eastern, I go to Western but I just got excited over the fact that you're from Michigan 😂

Take Loans

Yup, gotta cut those people out of your life if you're ever going to rise.

In this case it looks like the justice system did that for him lmao.

How is the Internet in jail?

Looks like Vince Carter

No joke my dad told me something similar, he said i, ,would end up in jail because he wasnt gonna be in my life and id be a statistic" and that nigga a lawyer/ex judge. Then he had my lil brothers and his old ass need someone to keep their attention during holidays when they have no school so hes been acting all nice since they were born and changed his tune and said hes proud of me going to school and all that. Also should add that im doing good in school contrary to what he said.

So... When I was about 12 and learning the joys of advanced masturbation my buddies told me about placing a textbook between the mattress and box spring...

Then you make [what I now know to be] a Fifi, place said Fifi in gap, and fuck the contraption. I never got the angle right, but did I fuck a mattress?

I learned how to make one of a correctional facility. Steal a glove during med call, fill it full up lotion, pop the lip around a rolled up magazine and roll your mattress around it and fuck that shit like it was going out of style.

That's smart tho. Stoners and inmates have the best ghetto engineering.

So Far Grown

Be humble

I feel this, man.

In 2008 I lost my good bank job, had the apt I was at take me to court after I told them I wasn't renewing my lease three months before my it ended (they said ok) then sued my unemployed ass months later for two months rent because I didn't know that shit had to be in writing. Then on some self pity dumb shit not long after I drove home (my parents) after having a few drinks and got pulled over on their block.

While that was def. all some dumb 20s shit to do, my Dad said some really off shit you don't say to another man, let alone your son.

9 years later I'm married with a much better job doing what I Iove. Last week he emailed me my returns (yes I pay him to do my taxes- he's a wizard at it) and proudly told me and my wife we filed for more than he ever did with my Mom.

I wish I could say it made me filled with pride for his approval or boastful that I shit on this fucked up proclamation of me then, but to be honest I just wish dude wouldn't have kicked me in the balls when I was at my lowest. I knew I wasn't doing right at the time. I learned a lot from that time, but my creator doing his best to emasculate me wasn't motivation. He already taught me to fend for myself by then. I just needed him to have my back.

Oh well, alls forgiven. You grow up and hopefully learn about your parents relationships with your grandparents enough to know we're all just doing the best we can, (hopefully.)

Life lessons for my future kid, I guess. I'm sure I'll find a way to fuck something else up.


Hell yeah I love it

This was wonderful. Would read again.

Man my dad didn't think I could graduate high school, did that. He didn't think I could maintain a job, did that plus one motherfucker. He didn't think I could make it on my own, been a year and I have more in my savings then he does in his bank account. Now he doesn't think I could go back to school and become a vetanarian, just fucking watch me.

Sit Down

Revenge by success is the best.

Da real MVP is always translating the comments section. Keep up the fine work.

Memes from cell block 6

Keep reaching for the stars

I really expected this to en with "this was back in nineteen ninety eight when..."

Best GPA I've ever had

Is that a line of facial hair to contour his cheek bone like women do with makeup?


College is college brah, get it!

Sometimes life throws you a bone.

My parents told me the same shit. "You are stupid" "you will never amount to anything" "your brother is the smart one"

Just a happy to say that from that point in my life I have graduated High School, College, and have had success in everything I put my mind too.

Sometimes parents, step-parents are the worst things in your life.

Congratulations bud! onward and upward!!!!

Like father, like son.

Community college here!

but that nigga a lawyer/ex judge.

Totally thought you were gonna Fresh Prince this.

Gave it the ol Tempur-penis

Not necessarily. 'an' goes before vowel sounds. 'a' goes before consonant sounds. Example: A European. An herb

very wholesome

Dad wins again

I thought it was a scar.

Wayne State here!

He doin' time, but we doin' fine, fam.

That's awesome! Now here's the challenge, should you choose to accept it: break the cycle. If and when you one day become a parent, don't be your dad. Become that awesome supportive parent.


Another Dad

2nd Major Confirmed?

If *you're reading this I past skool


Get me an avocado, an icepick, and my snorkel. Hurry; I've made bongs with less!

/sub/wholesomebpt I don't even know him and I am proud of him.

I needa one class need some credits for my pass One more course fore I go My GPA 4.0

The internet, its new.

Took me forever to accept that community college was still college. I was bitter about if for a while. Didn't help that after each semester my dad would ask if I'd transfered to a real college yet. Not even trying to be a dick, he just doesn't understand any of this

I thought it was Drake

And then it bones you in jail


I can make a bomb with nothing but a tissue box and a stick of dynamite.

Thank you, I really enjoyed reading that.

I had to check too, dudes got me paranoid.

Average white dad here, ya'll dont have hands or what?

One Class

I would like more from him also.

And he's got 50+ upvotes. What the hell?

Some of them kick ass. My step dad saved me and my mom and has become more of a father to me then my biological father. I attribute most of the good shit in my life to that man.

The most impressive post of this post is that he graduated in 4 years

Where can I learn about that Advance Masturbation thing?

It's the best worst feeling when you get what someone was trying to say, but their grammar was off.

Yes, it seems very odd but only about 60% of students who enroll in a 4 year program graduate within 6 years.

Jesus fucking christ am I glad to be uncircumcised.

Completely unrelated, but our lecturer just brought up this thread at uni to show us the difference between threaded and non-threaded conversations on forums. Made my day.

Funnily enough a guy in my class told us that's how he first ever wanked and it was the best way whilst we were on the German trip. Middle of the night we woke up to the sound of the bunk bed rocking back and forth and we still don't let him live it down.

This some Drumline shit here.

Leaving the Navy, both my Command Master Chief (CMC) and the Yeoman (basically an office administrator/HR type), told me it was dumb to get out of the Navy because nobody actually goes to college. Fast forward to now and I have a degree, debt free, own a home, a way bigger paycheck then my CMC would get, and get to decide what to do with my life. Often in college I held onto those words, haters can motivate you real well and help you stay focused.

Im typing on an internet forum, i dont really go out of my way to proof read. Plus i typed it on mobile and touch screen messes me up at times

There's a good quote by a man that goes "I'm not a great man because of my father, but in spite of him".

Money isnt always the standard of success but right on man hope you're happiness is twice his as well.

A hero we can believe in.

Keep fighting the good fight sir.

What A Time To Be In Debt

It started off as english and slowly degraded into some other language lol


Or just learn that a tweet isn't an English paper. It'd be like if someone said, "Um it's actually 'get wrecked,' not 'git rekt,' you idiots."

Slightly above-average white kid/guy here.

Thanks for letting us know you're white.

I called it "advanced masturbation" because "normal masturbation" (with the hands) was fully covered in my [our] earlier years and was getting boring. And as the folks here who learned locked up have said: 24 hours a day with zero to do, people think of amazing things.

spitting image

The absolute madman

He in jail

Using Quizlet to get an A

Using Quizlet every single day

Plays Passionfruit in head

What is this from lmao

This happens to me often. OP probably was going to write "an invite" but then switched it up and put "an grad invite" without remembering to fix the "an".


No offense, but I hope you become a vet out of love. That job doesn't pay much and can be very depressing, as most people opt to put their pets down versus paying thousands to save them. I think it has one of the highest suicide rates for a career, actually, but you can look that up for yourself if you want.

Not to be a wet blanket; just doling out some insight no one may have told you before.

Yeah I don't think this is what OP meant but live your dreams bruh

"People who use nonstandard English cannot be educated" -BPT user, 2017