He just randomly showed up at the Vatican

He just randomly showed up at the Vatican

"Pope announces the Church will now offer eggs to the needy in these trying times."

"He just randomly showed up at the Vatican" = "Danny DeVito, known/practicing Catholic, takes a vacation to Italy"?

On marriage to Rhea Perlman, Jewish actress:

“I’m Catholic. It’s always worked well. We do the seders and the Christmas tree. We hide the matzo and have the Easter Bunny. But we don’t do things like Lent. We’ve never fasted when you’re supposed to in the Jewish religion. We only do the fun stuff. We took away the burning-in-hell part.”

Exactly. Sounds like Danny DeVito planned a nice vacation, and OP randomly showed up with their camera.

for some reason, my mind is trying to find frank's angle on this.

You gotta pay the troll toll, if you wanna get into that boy’s soul.

-Frank

And that's why Wolf Cola is a great investment - Frank

Catholic Lite.

Getting in on the church's action.

When I'm dead, just throw me in the trash.

-Frank

90% of Catholics tbh. Pick out what you like in the religion and repent what you were supposed to do but didn’t. It’s a nice trade off

FADE IN:

INT. PADDY'S PUB - DAY

Dee struts through the front door of the bar, a confident spring in her step.

DEE: Well, you can all suck it, because...

She trails off as she takes in the sight before her: Mac and Charlie are each holding one end of a scarf in their mouths, while Dennis is pulling it taut from between them. A can of beer is barely visible between his hands.

DENNIS: Okay, now, just... oh, Dee, great! Perfect timing. Hold still. DEE: What is this? CHARLIE: (Unintelligible) MAC: (Unintelligible) DENNIS: Guys, we talked about this. MAC: (Unintelligible) CHARLIE: Hey, wait a minute! Why does...

As Charlie opens his mouth, the scarf falls to the floor. Dennis looks annoyed.

DENNIS: Great, Charlie. Now we have to set the whole thing up again.

Mac points to his own clenched teeth, which are still holding the scarf.

MAC: (Unintelligible) DEE: You know what? I don't even want to know. Besides, didn't Frank tell you to stop using them as guinea pigs? DENNIS: Ah, in fact, he told me not to do it when he wasn't here to watch. DEE: Okay, so, where is he? DENNIS: He's not here, which means he isn't going to find out about this. Charlie!

Dennis points at the fallen end of the scarf. Charlie sighs and picks it up as Dee walks around behind the bar.

DEE: Okay, so, again... where is he? DENNIS and CHARLIE: The Vatican. MAC: (Unintelligible) DEE: What? Why? CHARLIE: He said something about a religious pilgrimage. DEE: (Annoyed) You guys! He's probably off on some Italian holiday! DENNIS: So what? DEE: So... so, I want to go on a holiday! CHARLIE: Pfft, Dee, come on. What would you do on a holiday? DEE: You know... hang out, get drunk, maybe stay out late...

Charlie whirls around and faces Dennis.

CHARLIE: I want to go on a holiday! DENNIS: Why? You do all of those things here. DEE: Yeah, but when you're in a foreign country, it's different! Besides, think of the look on Frank's face when we tell him that we used his credit card to get there. DENNIS: Where are you going to get Frank's credit card?

Dee proudly displays a square of black plastic.

DEE: That's what I came here to brag about. CHARLIE: Hey, how did you... DENNIS: (Interrupting) Well, that settles it. We're off to Rome! MAC: (Unintelligible)

CUT TO:

MAIN TITLE

"THE GANG ABDUCTS THE POPE"

The Vatican looks like a New Jersey county courthouse in this photo?

He randomly showed up with a microphone?

What's the vig?

May I offer you an egg in these trying times?

Edit: MAH FIRST GOLD, THANK YOU YA JAMBRONI

I actually met a guy who does tours for celebrities and rich people at the Vatican (especially the Vatican museums). I think it’s how he makes his living and he does amazing tours.

I wouldn’t be surprised at all if Danny Devito did something like that. Who wouldn’t want to see all of the amazing things there?

Gotta get some nun ham

Sorry to point this out, but that's not who you think it is. If you look closely, you'll see that it's Danny DeVito.

"Look, it could be real. It could be bullshit. There's only one thing we know for sure"

"What's that?"

"It's a goddamned gold mine."

I'm here to tell ya that this holy water you've been using over here is CRAP. It smells like someone's dirty laundry. I tell ya another thing, you're not gonna convert any jews if you're tryin' to baptize their kids with this shit! I, on the other hand, got the good stuff. Fresh filtered water from the holy mountains of Philadelphia. Real high-class stuff. I got a truckload of it right out back and we're baptizing everybody that walks by for a buck fifty. I got some left over baptizing water that I'm drinking in my glass right now! Whoa-ho! That's good shit! So, who wants to order a case?

Priest: Go to confession to get your sins forgiven! 90% of Catholics: But aren't they absolved in last rites anyways... Priest: Sure, but it's no subs- Catholic: I'm gonna have to pass

The Gang Gets Excommunicated

Wat.

I am not gonna diddle your kids. I'm not like that. That's not my thing. I met that guy in a titty bar.

-Frank

Fuck it Im agnostic but if I visited Rome Id definitely be keen to see the Vatican. Who wouldnt? Same for any major religious location, their cultural significance would be too important to miss.

SWALLOW THIS CARD WHOLE

-Frank

He actually sang a song, it went something like,

"🎶 Do not diddle kids, it's no good diddlin' kids🎶

🎶I wouldn't do it with anybody younger than my daughter, not little kids, gotta be big🎶

🎶Older than my wiiiife, older than my daughter🎶"

I've got my wad of hundreds, I've got my magnum condoms, I'm ready to plow.

-Frank

I don't feel like Charlie would want to leave Philly when these things could perfectly well be done there...

read it with your third eye man.

7%. It’s tasty.

Did he say anything about the kiddie diddlers?

“I just wanna be pure!”

If I'm properly recalling what my Catholic buddy told me, your sins are only absolved if you in your heart know they were wrong and are actively trying to fix those wrongs. Yahweh knows everything, including your intentions, so if you are intentfully committing these sins, you will still not go to heaven.

Danny Devouto

If he can have wolf cola offered at all catholic churches he'll gain world wide recognition. He'll finally be Mr. Wolrd Wide

And he has a mic

“I found a whole case of eggs under a bridge last week. Perfect condition. None of them missing, none of them cracked. I mean, who in their right mind throws away a perfectly good case of eggs in this day and age.” -frank

What a jabroni

Suicide is badass

-Frank

You know like when guys in the movies talk about a vig

Do you even know what vig means?

This is kind of off topic, but while remote viewing isn't really a thing - subtle manipulation of our reality (space and time) is possible. You can see all of the amazing things anywhere anytime

Current atheist raised catholic that’s been to the Vatican. The grandeur of it all is breathtaking no matter what your religious affiliation

Woah, looked like the Pope at first glance.

"I don't know how many years I got left on this earth, I'm gonna get real weird with it..."

-Frank

Nice nips cupcake.

-Frank

Dude I heard the music playing while I read this.

He's saying go watch the travel channel.

So he could be the guy in the Sistene Chapel constantly saying "shhh silencioooo" into the microphone.

Kids, Mary Magdalene was a dirty, dirty hooor

But if you don't know you're sinning then you're free? Ignorance really is bliss!

Cool word.

So all of a sudden there's the pope, and he's starin' right at me. And I'm like, "Whaddyoo lookin' at?"

Eskimo: "If I did not know about God and sin, would I go to hell?" Priest: "No, not if you did not know." Eskimo: "Then why did you tell me?"

-- Annie Dillard, 'Pilgrim at Tinker Creek'

"The Gang Sells Indulgences"

..... taaa..daaa.daaa.daaaaaa....

In that case, missionaries must be real assholes.

"Let's just make sure everyone knows that they're sinning so we can all burn together!"

Are ducks allowed in the Vatican. would you have to take off your armor off also.

I'm gonna marry that huuer!

-Frank

Actually this is 100% true. People who aren't aware they are sinning are judged by their intentions. But only if they are legitimately unaware that the holy Bible exists.

With a microphone and entourage with a boom-mic in the back?

And the guy in the back has a boom stick mic

I think it was more like,

🎶You gotta pay the troll toll to get into this boy's hole🎶

Maybe he said soul. Ionno 🐸

Is this code? Give me time, I'll figure it out.

Edit:I broke the code.

Is this code? Give me time, I'll figure it out.

Edit:

I'VE BEEN POISONED BY MY CONSTITUENTS!

"Your mother is a god damned HoOoOer." gets me every time.

Ok but you could easily change it to Mac saying he wants to go. Still a fun read!

Faith comforts

reddit: celebrity worship needs to stop

also reddit:

This was awesome. The only thing is they wouldnt say go on a holiday, theyd say trip or vacation. Its philly not london.

fifth eye or bust noob

Non religious person here, I ended up on a visit to Rome during Easter (school trip planned by the teacher) and you bet your ass I was there Easter morning. It was also John Paul's last public appearance and everyone knew he wasn't long for the world (he died a week later, the news came out while we were on the plane leaving Rome) so attendance was larger than normal as he was a much loved Pope. It was incredible! I've never been in such a crazy space, I can remember hearing so many languages being spoken around me and everyone was so excited! Human experience man. I went again after so I could actually see the Chapel and all but damn that was amazing.

Did you say " that boy's hole?"

The question isn't if he's allowed, the question is can they stop him in time?

I'm not sure, Charlie was pretty excited to fly to California to honor Wade Boggs' memory.. may he rest in peace.

If religion wasn't intimately tied to human existence, then 99.99% of cultures wouldn't have had one.

Wolf Holy Water. The right holy water, for closure.

Chaaa-lee, I got a playn. Were gonna take water from da schukyll riva, and we're gonna sell it to these religious chumps. We'll make a fooorrtune Charlee.

I can tell you're not American because nobody calls it a holiday.

And a microphone.

You serviced not only my crank, but my heart

-Frank

"What's up bitches!" A collared Frank says as he steps out of St. Monica's rectory, chalice in hand.

Dennis: "Frank what the hell are you doing!? I thought we agreed on the fundraiser angle!"

chanting together

Mac: "Hams! Hams! Look our cans!"

Charlie: "Hams! Hams! Show us your cans!"

Frank takes a swig from the chalice as Mac & Charlie argue over their agreed upon slogan. "Nah, that plan sucks! New plan, I'm the visiting Father Reynolds. While you're all out there freezing your asses off, I'll be enjoying my free room and board with all the booze I want!"

Dennis: "That's real great Frank, but how does that get us any closer to affording the Wentz balloon in time for the parade!? I'm going to show up those GOD DAMN disrespectful mummers!"

Frank: "Ahh my son, that's the best part! Those suckers throw baskets of money at me every week! And this whole place is TAX FREE! I'm funneling all my cash through this joint. We're gonna lift that balloon up on eeeeeagles wings!"

Cuts to Title: Frank Gets in on the Church's Action

Edit: Alternate Titles from /u/ADarkTwist

Frank Scams the Pope

Frank, the Papal Bull

Frank does not Diddle an Altar Boy

Frank Diddles an Altar Boy

Frank Gets on His Knees

Frank does the Vatican

Frank Pays the Troll Toll

Some more:

Frank Holds Confession

The Gang's Holy Crusade

"I'm going to make that hoar my wife."

-Frank

"This, is ham! SOAKED IN RUM!"

-Frank

Jon Favreau in the background?

Fucking spot on

You're thinking of Rambo

Full practicing Catholic here. Are you an atheist? If so, I'm genuinely curious on what your personal thoughts are about the universe, life and death. I was once an agnostic because even when i doubted religion I could never put away God.

Edit: Thanks a lot for all of the insightful comments guys. Polite discourse CAN happen on Reddit between theists and atheists!

What do you mean? It's Always Sunny is a reality show and Frank Reynolds is just his stage name

Two part episode, with the first being "The Gang goes to the Vatican."

The second episode would be "The Gang Gets Excommunicated."

I’m impressed by how easily I could hear his voice while reading that. Well done!

“What the shit is this?”

I'm an atheist. I think once you die, that's it. It'll feel just like it did before you were alive. I think it's important to consider others and be a good human. As a member of a greater tribe of humanity, being an honest person, giving to charity and helping your neighbors should just be done because it's the right thing to do, and I'd want others to do it for me if I needed it. Not because they'll burn in hell for eternity.

Is that the guy from Twins?

First off Wade Biggs is very much alive

Yeah I don't know why I was so critical. I think it was because the rest of it was so perfect, which I felt went without saying.

More like the 10% tithe/vig

Just like the guns and water filter, he bought a bunch of stock in eggs first.

Remember, atheists say they have no proof of god, we are not vehemently against god.

We are ok with saying "I don't know" about life, death and the universe.