Handy guide to British political parties

Handy guide to British political parties

When UKIP became a threat

Just first past the post things

When Corbyn is PM...

The Falkland Islands will be ceded to Venezuela, to be turned into a massive education facility that teaches that all white people are evil. The Labour Government will print and borrow £2 trillion to give it to benefit scrounging single mums and foreigners from Bongo Bongo Land. A law will be passed that mandates parliament be at least 80% transgender. The BBC will merge with Telesur. A gulag will be built on the former site of Buckingham Palace to put to work the members of the Lying Press. It will produce weapons for Iran, and to support the IRA's kneecapping activities. It will be powered by thousands of wind turbines placed exclusively in high-value areas of the Buckinghamshire countryside. As the aristocratic classes are purged, their horses' shoes will be melted down, and turned into miniature manhole covers. These will be given to every child as a reminder of the revolution.

Most accurate and least partisan so far. I'd add in a "not happy with the current government, but dislike the alternatives more" option.

When did the conservative tree get a flag?

coming for my money/property.

My sides

What means 'not realistic'? Of course the SNP is limited to Scotland, but it is successful there.

Implying the Brits have the capabilities of producing a Jupiterian God like Macron

Tbf, "En marche" wasn't realistic for us either and here we are.

LIB

DEM

SURGE

this but unironically

"not happy with the current government, but dislike the alternatives more" option.

I'd say about a quarter of people I know who vote Tory do so reluctantly out of fear of Corbyn

And it's not supposed to. Obviously, they are not trying to win majority within the UK. They know that. So, since that is not their goal, and their voters know that, I don't see what is this 'not realistic' supposed to mean in this context.

Of course. I strive to provide only the realest, dankest content.

Something all parties have repeatedly said they will not have with the SNP.

Evolution, my dude. This is Quercus brexitur, a recently discovered mutation of the common English oak that seems to flourish especially well in the area between East Lindsey and Fenland.

have you read any news since waking up from your coma 2 years ago?

wtf i love corbyn now

We were a net contributor to the EU, our payment towards the EU exceeded the subsidies we got. The main argument behind Remaining was that the trade we got from the EU exceeded the net contributions (hence why I voted Remain). But don't pretend that we got more money directly from the EU than we paid in.

(pssst you don't just have to downvote and run away. you're allowed to discuss this kind of thing)

This but unironically.

Macron is like a French Tony Blair Withouttheillegalinvasion

It doesn't matter. The real revolution happens right inside of you.

Good thing we can pay for the hideously underfunded NHS, police, and fire services in sovereignty.

Good to know the millions of working poor can feed their kids and pay rent to baby boomers who own half a dozen tenements in sovereignty.

Can't wait to reap the benefits of all this sovereignty as we align ourselves with a dangerously unstable US President and deregulate everything to try and make ourselves still less attractive as a business prospect than if we'd just remained in the EU.

And all based on 52-48, a result Leavers complained would be "too close to end the question" if it had gone against them by that metric.

Yup. I detest the Tories curtailing my freedoms and sticking their noses in private lives, but it's better than Corbyn doing the same (for different reasons) and coming for my money/property.

The most accurate and honest out of all these posts, unfortunately.

Beautiful. Did you compose this?

I'm pretty sure this is about the British government, rather than devolved parliaments. Looking at your comment history you have quite the vendetta against English people

To be fair Corbyn should be doing great in the polls given how poor the current government are. It wasn't a strong Labour performance in the 2017 election which gave Corbyn that jump. According to the most recent polls the Tories are still ahead .

If Labour moved to the centre-left it could smash the next election if they wanted to

England has more constituencies than the other countries combined. So voting for the SNP doesn't usually change the result of a general election.

The SNP will probably never be part of any government.

What is a coalition

Corbyn / Realistic - pick one

What kind of comment is this? If you're at work then stop commenting. Don't accuse me of jamming my head in the sand when you're the one avoiding the discussion because "uuuhhhh I don't have time bye". The irony in your post is actually quite funny

If you're embarrassed because your comment was a bit stupid then just admit it because I'd respect you more

I realise this may be a difficult concept for members of the "fuck you, got mine" party, but if Brexit goes through, your taxes are going up regardless to replace all the EU subsidies we get (you especially, if you're Scottish, as well as in Wales or NI) and everything is going to get a lot more expensive.

Yep, 3% of the population receiving 3% of the national attention definitely means we want rid of them (although let's face it they've got way more than 3% since the referendum and last election)

Neither did they until they did

I didn't really want the awkwardness of putting the DUP in given that they're involved with the government so arguably not "unrealistic" or Sinn Fein given they don't take their seats

But you'd have also got pissy if I called them unrealistic

regaining sovereignty from the EU.

The UK always was and remains sovereign. Nations are sovereign within the EU.

I'm pretty sure UKIP would be 'Yes, but more Purple and less Musli... I mean, less terrorists'.

This is the sun would you be interested in a job?

Yet the Tories are in a coalition with the DUP. Go figure.

NI exists in a somewhat of a political parallel universe to mainland politics given neither Labour, Conservative nor Liberal Democrats seriously contest any seats, instead operating with their SDLP, UUP/DUP and Alliance allies, add in Sinn Fein and I'd be doubling the number of "unrealistic" parties with those that only 3% of the UK can vote for. Also the fact that DUP & Sinn Fein are realistic winners in NI seats ruins the joke.

NI isn't ignored anymore than any other area that contains 3% of the population is but it just doesn't tend to come into national discussions on politics given the small number of seats they contest and different history and issues in play, I'm sure if someone took the time to explain to the DUP what Reddit is and what shitposts are they wouldn't be that hurt.

I'm a centrist myself so I do think the Lib Dems are the best option. But everyone seems to be hung up on tuition fees. Even though nobody seems to have a problem with the Conservatives going back on manifesto promises.

Seems pretty odd, to be honest. The SNP aren't going to be pushing for independence if they are in a coalition. They are competent, experienced, and pretty much already do everything Labour intends to do. If Labour agreed to a coalition, they'd get it.

I guess Corbyn only has time for Irish separatist movements /s

Yes, forever. That's how the EU works. That's why the UK was able to leave.

Sounds good to me

what does realistic mean anymore? Britain voted to withdraw from the largest market in the world which didn't seem realistic as a possibility a decade ago.

As is St. Patrick's Cross in the Union Jack

But I'm glad to see you've changed your mind on what they deserve

Müsli is good though :(

Theres still time, he isnt even a year in

It really annoys me. The Liberal Democrats had to compromise with the Conservatives and still get burnt over the Tuition fees.

Now that we have had a full fledged Conservative, and a Conservative-DUP coalition surely it should be evident that the Liberal Democrats kept some of the more unpopular Conservative policies out.

Ah well, can't change the past.

They probably mean "realistic" in a "will your party be in government" sense. The SNP will probably never be part of any government.

Agreed mostly but whatever you think of him, it's not "unrealistic" anymore.

It actually makes a lot of sense. Labour knows the SNP don't want a Conservative government, and will get slaughtered by their constituents if they allow one. So Labour doesn't need to offer the SNP anything in return for informal support on bills.

Labour also knows it will get crucified by English voters if it is seen as allowing a nationalist party into government, and as 80% of voters live in England it's a no-brainer really.

We should just make everything illegal. That'll teach 'em.

Ugh, so depressingly true. I can't stand the Tories but I have zero faith in Labour.

He can invade me any time in that turtle neck. Liberate my dictatorship papi macron

This sort of apathy makes things even worse. Our voting system sucks yes, but it is still worth voting at least for the lesser of two evils. The conservatives love people who don’t vote because it keeps them in power. Exercising your right to vote is so important to a democracy, even giving your vote to the Lib Dem’s or Greens is good because they want electoral reform.

Do you hate everything on top of being unrealistic? DUP

Ask the Lib Dems

would you want a party that only gives a damn about ~5M of the ~65M people in the UK as part of the government?

True - I was about to rebut and say, 'ah, but you have the 'deux tours' system!'

But nope - even if you'd run your presidential and legislative elections under First Past the Post, then you'd still have an En March majority!

That's seriously impressive - it's what Labour managed to do in the 1918 elections in the UK. But that's because millions more people suddenly became eligible to vote, due to extended enfranchisement.

"Overfunded" you realise the UK government spends around $1500 less per person on healthcare than the US, right? When you add personal spending in the US that balloons to around $6000 per person less. They'd be more efficient if Tories didn't force them to use suppliers who charge markups in the thousands on cheap items and spent the money on training and wages that's needed to put more nurses on wards and officers on streets.

"Poor personal choices = poor outcomes, take personal responsibility." Y'know what, I'm actually done here, because this is exactly the kind of "oh just pull yourself up by the bootstraps" nonsense that tells me there's no convincing you to have anything resembling an altruistic thought. "Just make better choices" isn't an option millions of people who have been let down by Conservative governments have, you prick.

Do you really think the SNP would be any better in terms of demanding extra money for Scotland

Well, since they don't want the fiscal transfer and the Barnett consequentials to continue and for Scotland to have less reliance financially on the UK, I wouldn't worry about them asking for more

referendums again and again at the Treasury's expense (at which point the nth referendum is the final one and can't be repeated) and all kinds of other unpleasant behaviour?

Well, firstly, democracy is an exercise, not a one-off event. If the SNP campaign on having another referendum for whatever reason, and get voted in, then it is their mandate to pursue one. That's them simply being accountable to their voters. And 'at the Treasury's expense'? That's a bit of a stretch. You could say that about any democratic undertaking.

And what exactly is 'unpleasant' about engaging in democracy as they are elected to do? Yeah, fuck nearly half of Scots for feeling marginalised and wanting something better politically. Letting your British Nationalist mask slip there...

If anything, the fact the DUP has an agreement with the Tories is demonstrating to the electorate at large precisely why regional parties can't be trusted in government.

The DUP are anti-Catholic ultra-unionists in a poorer part of the UK, and the Tories are desperate. There coalition is hardly one based on some shared vision. I've no idea what your broader point is here, but the SNP have done a terrific job in government in Scotland, precisely why Corbyn is lifting SNP policies out left right and centre and packaging them as Labour ones. They are more or less the only sane party regarding Brexit, and the UK Govt could learn a thing or two from them.

You realise we paid more into the EU than we got back, right?