Girls who protect each other in bar bathrooms are SO FUCKING IMPORTANT

Girls who protect each other in bar bathrooms are SO FUCKING IMPORTANT

So last night, I was in a bar and this guy would NOT FUCK OFF. I was as nice as I could be, because I prefer not to be a bitch and often it just causes aggression from them; but he just would not drop it. He even creeped on us in line for the bathroom, but, this bar had this GORGEOUS, thick, tall, total amazon; who just barks at him "hey, what do you think you're doing here?! Keep it moving! Go!"

I legit tipped her just for being so wonderful. Her whole job is to protect the girls getting in and out without anyone harassing them and making sure no girls pass out in there, etc..

And that is just so vital.

Girls helping each other out in bars is just so important.

When I was 21, several years ago, I went out on a date with a guy who was a client at my work. I only went on this date because I was encouraged to make him feel welcome and comfortable and not push him away.

Well, he seemed really normal, I let him pick me up because he was known at the office.

You ever meet someone who after a couple drinks is a whole different person? I like the quote from jaws to explain this:

"Sometimes that shark, he looks right into ya. Right into your eyes. Y'know the thing about a shark, he's got... lifeless eyes, black eyes, like a doll's eyes. When he comes at ya, doesn't seem to be livin'... until he bites ya. And those black eyes roll over white, and then... oh, then you hear that terrible high-pitch screamin', the ocean turns red, and spite of all the poundin' and the hollerin', they all come in and they... rip you to pieces."

Guys like that, their eyes change, and they see you as prey, as a conquest that they are determined to have, whether you're going to consent or not.

He had taken me to this seedy bar, and was trying to convince me to go to the hotel across the street, after telling me how his WIFE wouldn't notice if he didn't come home. WHAT. THE. FUCK. Started telling me how she can't handle how rough he likes it but that I'm a young thing and I'd like it...

After a while, I excused myself to the restroom and in tears, call my best friend. At this point I'm legitimately terrified that I'm going to be raped by this guy if I walk out the door with him.

He tells me he'll be there soon, and I try to compose myself to go back out. A woman is in the bathroom.. "Hey sweetie, are you okay?" I lost it crying, telling her no and that I'm scared and don't want to be here but I don't have my car (mind you this is in the country, grabbing a cab isn't even an option). She tells me that it's ok, she's going to wait until my friend gets there and that she and her boyfriend will watch out and make sure nothing happens and that he doesn't try to take me outside.

She helped me fix my makeup and squeezed my hand for reassurance as we walked out.

I went back to the pool table we'd been at. And she goes to the BIGGEST MOTHERFUCKER in the bar, and I can see her explaining what's going on. He looks to me and nods. And as he continues to shoot pool with her, he doesn't even look at the table, just keeps an eye on the creep. After about 20 minutes or so, my friend gets there, and he takes me by the hand, swings me around in front of him and walks me right out of the bar.

The creep is annoyed and tries to follow and coax me into staying. She and her boyfriend had already moved across the bar and they cut him off immediately to prevent him from coming out directly behind us and they then stayed outside until we were in the car and out of the parking lot.

I will never forget how kind she was and caring and so immediately willing and determined to protect a girl she didn't even know, and her boyfriend stepping up to protect me because his girlfriend told him I needed help.

If it wasn't for them, I don't know if things may have escalated when I left, if he may have gotten aggressive.

I've never been in a bar bathroom where girls aren't immediately ready to help each other, whether it's needing help with your makeup, dress, hair, a bad date, holding your hair and handing you paper towels, helping you clean yourself up after losing a few too many drinks, and fixing your mascara when someone made you cry.

So I guess what I'm saying, is that we should all be that girl, we should all be ready and willing to help each other with whatever's going on.

❤️ And thank you, to the bar bathroom girls who've kept me safe and put together when my nights have taken a turn

Where on earth did you work that sends young women alone out with clients for a 'date'?? That is insanely unprofessional and bizarre. I really hope you don't work there any more.

And I'm not saying you did anything wrong and I'm happy that woman at the bar helped you, but for other young women reading this:

Please please stop putting the feelings of strangers before your safety. 'No' is a complete sentence. You should not be worried about looking like a 'bitch' to a random person in the bar that is making you uncomfortable or feel unsafe. Tell them to leave you alone. Tell the bartender what is going on. But do not put their perceived feelings above yourself. You do not have to be nice to everyone.

I quit two days later because of it.

Now that I'm way older I totally turn into this overprotective bar mom when I'm out. I'm forever watching young drunk girls, making sure their friends are all sticking together and keeping an eye on them.

I made some stunningly stupid decisions in my youth and I'm so lucky nothing horrible ever happened to me.

Disclaimer: I'm a dude. Not sure if I'm even allowed to post here. Apologies if I'm not. I subscribe to this subreddit because it's important to me to continue to hear and listen to the point of view of strong and independent women, and that voice can be so hard to find on the internet.

Anyways - I work in a high, high volume bar. One of the most popular in town. I've worked in more than one of these types of places. Men are animals. But I know for a fact that if someone were to turn to any one of our staff and let them know that they are uncomfortable, that someone just grabbed their ass, etc... that offending man would be removed, forcibly and immediately. I'd like to think that most bars, especially in metropolitan areas, are staffed by people who feel the same way. If you feel uncomfortable, please please please tell us. We don't want those fuckers in our bars either. We will keep you safe. We will listen. We will hide you in the office until the cops come. But we can't do those things if you don't tell us. Grab a bartender. We've all seen some shit, and we don't like assholes making our clientele uncomfortable, in any way, shape or form. I hope you find this to be the case in any bar you visit. Sending love to all y'all.

'No' is a complete sentence.

I kind of want a skywrite this. YES.

Was I not clear that this post was about appreciating the kindness of strangers; not demanding it?

Because it's apparently being taken as me being a stuck up bitch that's careless and expects people to fix everything for me.

When I intended it as outlining the appreciation I have for strangers who have helped me, and the fact that it's a common thing for girls to help each other out in the boisterousness and insecurity of a bar environment.

Honestly if everyone behaved like drunk girls in bar/club bathrooms then the world would be a better place (half joking half serious..) The amount of times my ass has been saved or comforted by a complete stranger in a bathroom... its a sacred art that must be cherished.

This is so me when I go out. I especially hate it when guys try to badger petite women into corners or against bar counters.

I am pretty tall and broad shouldered, so people tend not to mess with me. I go full mama bear when I see people that look like they need help.

My wife and I have done this a few times for people at bars we frequent. It genuinely feels good to do this for someone and we never mind helping out a girl in need. I'm glad you found good people who were able to help you.

I literally got into a fight with this creep that was trying to carry out a girl passed out on his shoulder that he had a hand on her boob and she was muttering for a friend to take her home. Usually when the bar regulars get a whiff of whats going on though they'll back you up immediately.

Also a bar mom here!!

I worked as a waitress and shot girl in a strip club for a long time and I wish people had stepped in for me sometimes.

I hear a lot of "then you shouldn't have worked there." but why does the type of establishment determine whether or not the men have some unwritten right to grab the waitresses?

After my creep of a manager suggested I sleep with a customer for more sales, I quit.

ANYWAY. I love stories of girls protecting other girls. ❤️❤️❤️

This sub is a default now, and people love to come and be assholes, try not to read the rude comments near the bottom.

maybe learn to be 100% less of an asshole

Not quite the same but it is someone keeping an eye out. One day I was out with my family at Walmart. I had to go to the bathroom so I made sure my sister knew I was going and walked to the back of the store cause that was the nearest bathroom. Not thinking about that area being blocked off and pretty much empty because it was so late. So when I realize it was so empty I go to another bathroom because I don't do dark empty spaces. As I start walking to the front I realize I keep seeing the same guy and he is kinda following me so instead of taking my usual route that is much shorter and isolated from people I went to the more open area that tended to be more crowded. He still seemed to show up everywhere so I didn't feel comfortable going to the bathroom so I was gonna walk around the front in the crowded area until I could figure out how to get ahold of my sister because my phone is dead. Then a rather large man who had been sitting on the bench outside the bathroom waiting for his son to come out said "ma'am is everything okay" and I told him that there was a guy here who I think might be following me and I feel uncomfortable and I need to go to the restroom and he told me not to worry and that he would keep an eye out for him and to go to the rest room and I could use his phone to call my sister. I went I the restroom and the guy was out there and I pointed him out and he had one of the employees ask him to leave. I don't know what I would've done had that man not been there I wish I would've known what to say but all I could think of was thank you.

Maybe learn to take care of yourself instead of being dependent on strangers for your safety.

Bro, she's not going out with you again.

Guy here. That guy, who kept his eye on you? That's what my vision of a manly man is like. That guy sounds like a grade-A badass. Hats off to all three of your angels there.

What's sad is that they'll just keep hiring new girls until they get one with serious self esteem issues who's afraid to stand up for herself like you did.

You should have a sign in the bar along the lines of report harassment to bartenders or bouncers, it'll encourage a safer drinking environment

I was thinking about this today. Women supporting each other like this is SO FUCKING AMAZING.

However, my friends and I have all individually had first dates this past week. As I sent my best friend my location and made sure she knew all the info, I couldn't help thinking about how sad it was that we have an entire system of safeguards for each other in case of something going wrong. I doubt men have anything like this or even worry about it. That's infuriating.

But it's stories like these that make me damn proud to be a woman.

That's not relying on strangers, that's admitting I got myself into a bad situation, and didn't have my own car, and was in an area with no cabs or public transportation, so I got myself out of it with help of a friend and the kindness of strangers.

That's called problem solving.

Honestly if everyone behaved like drunk girls in bar/club bathrooms then the world would be a better place

You must not dd much. Hanging out with drunk chicks at bars while I'm sober is one of the most infuriating things I've ever done.

I like your idea, thanks. We've been workshopping some different strategies, including the Ask for Angela campaign

I was as nice as I could be, because I prefer not to be a bitch and often it just causes aggression from them

This is fucking bullshit. Men will never understand this. It's disgusting that you were intimidated on a night out.

I'm sorry that you or any woman has to experience this. No one is owed politeness at the expense of your safety. I'm so sick of it.

you sir are a troll...

having a back up plan is being prepared...

dick.

So you've never ended up in a situation where you're just not sure what to do? You've never felt unsafe? Never trusted a situation or person that turned out to be a mistake?

And are you illiterate or just ignored where I said I called a friend to get me and he was on his way?

I didn't call you a man, and it would be ignorant of me to call everyone who browses the default sub a man, wouldn't it? After all, last I checked I was female and I browse them. I am simply saying the community and comments were very different before we went default. This used to be a positive place with very few, if any, not- nice comments and now there are always a dozen or so at the bottom of every thread being nasty. This girl posted something nice about people looking out for each other and people are saying nasty things to her for no reason. Not once did she say she was drunk in either of the "stranger helped me" situations she posted. You don't want to look out for other people? Then don't. No reason to jump on OP for being at a bar and needing help and no reason to jump on me for trying to be nice to her.

Are...are you editing your comments to say deleted?

I actually quit 2 days later because of it

Because of your lack of empathy.

His lady is no slouch in the badass department, herself.

So your employers asked you to become an escort/prostitute for the evening. Classy people. I think you should change jobs.

We should. I'll pitch in. I was really uncomfortable in a date recently and wanted to leave and he was a total asshole about it. Anything along the lines of "No" and "I'd like to leave now" are NON NEGOTIABLE.

It's funny, I never mentioned gender.

Like literally what does that have to do with this post go complain about your dating life somewhere else.

I know. I was talking to my boyfriend about this the other day and guys just don't get it. They don't get what it's like to have to be on guard walking my yourself in the dark. They don't get that feeling or terror when you notice a man walking behind you and think "oh shit, he's following me. What do I do?"

Sometimes it's just so exhausting, how much extra work goes into being safe when you're a girl. It's not my fault I'm smaller and weaker then the majority of the population. But I'm the one that has to take the precautions.

Edit to add: I know men can be scared to walk alone at night too. The difference is, what men are afraid of is being mugged or violently assulted while women are afraid of being raped and/or kidnapped.

You explained yourself just fine. I read it as nothing but gratitude and appreciation. As the other poster said, default sub, gonna get a lot of trolls and abrasive dickheads.

In the first situation, from last night, the help from the bar staff was so greatly appreciated by me, that, as I mentioned, I tipped her. I do go to bar staff for help when necessary, but I prefer to handle things without flipping my shit as much as possible. The other situation, I was 21, in the middle of nowhere and was scared and felt stupid for feeling safe to ride with someone, when I would have normally driven myself and I called for help. But the woman in the bathroom and her boyfriend were a massive comfort and aid in the situation.

There's nothing wrong with encouraging girls to seek solutions and be self reliant and I'm a fan of that. But it's not always as easy as it's presumed.

Sometimes, no matter how intelligent, or self reliant, or independent you are; you end up in a bad situation and need some help.

Repeatedly trying to get me to leave with him after making it clear that I'm married and not interested and just having drinks with my friends, is not frivolously labeling him a creep

Classy! I assume that's what you'd say to a sister or friend calling you and saying they're on a date with someone who is scaring them, eh?

I'm 22 so I'm less mama bear and more scrappy chihuahua, but I honestly live for keeping other girls safe. I still make terrible decisions and get myself into shit, but if I see another girl in a bind hoooo boy am I goin in.

girls protecting girls is so vital whether it's holding back her hair and fixing her makeup or taking some creeps eye out.

If you're lucky, when you get fucked over, you'll be able to get help. If not, your attitude is indicative of why no one would want to help you.

I hope you can put your pride down when you need help and not end up in a worse situation for sake of your ego.

Don't discount transwomen as another source of backup. I am quite the imposing figure, especially in heels. I also keep weaponry on me as a means to deal with crazies. At work around building close time, I've stepped up and offered assistance to those who have offered me assistance in the past.

Telling a few women in the bathroom saying shit to me to piss off and that I have every right to be using the bathroom since I mind my own business earns you a nearly 7ft tall gun wielding ally if I see you run into issues of your own in the parking lot.

Unfortunately, not much help in bars anymore. I learned the lesson that drunk transphobes tend to be violent transphobes, and while I can defend myself, it gets old, and I'm tired of having to have police called. When asked out with a group, I'm more inclined.

Nah, us guys are allowed to post here. But I find the rule we should follow is the same on every other sub: Don't be a dick.

But yea, always grab a bartender or waiter/waitress. They also will know the regulars, who might step in to protect their booze provider (or be an off duty copper).

Just because you don't believe it doesn't make it not true

As a male bartender, and for safety's sake, i think everyone should know that the bar staff will in almost every circumstance do everything in their power to get someone out of a threatening or even mildly uncomfortable situation. And we hate drama probably more than you do, so excuse yourself to the bathroom then come back to the bar at a different location where your date or aggravator/creeper can't hear to notify the bartender of whats happening (whether its a guy or girl, either will be happy to help i can almost guarantee) . If you have a persistent guy that follows your every step and you can't get away for even a second, slip the bartender a note. Sometimes even help me eyes are enough but don't be afraid to be direct or to make things a little awkward by slipping a note or even saying something directly to the bartender about what is making you uncomfortable in front of the person upsetting you..you can ask the bartender to be discrete privately if you'd prefer. Odds are, if you're sitting st the bar and it's reasonably slow...the bartender has heard a lot of what is going on or picked up on negative body language already..it's part of our job. If you need to sneak to the bar you could say something to the bartender like, "hey, could you pretend to pour me a shot? The person im with is really creeping me out i just wanted someone to keep an eye in it, thanks!" Over the years i've intercepted a number of awkward situations and moments and have been as subtle as asking random girls at the bar to pretend like they are long lost friends with someone they havent met so a girl can latch on to them safely and be rescued from a date gone bad to things as blatant as asking a stranger not to bother a girl or a person who has crossed a line(verbal or otherwise) to leave the bar. But as a customer the general rules to follow are that there are more nice people that can give you a ride or help you get one so if you find someone you don't want to ride with...find any other way. Most importantly, don't be afraid to risk making things awkward with someone that's making you uncomfortable if you're safety is even possibly on the line and if you feel like you are maybe in danger or an uncomfortable situation, don't risk it. You are never stuck with someone if you are in a public place and you don't have to ride home with someone just because they took you there. People's gut instincts exist for a reason and It only takes a short time for someone to get you in a compromising situation so never leave the bar with someone you aren't completely comfortable with (simply stay where you are and the bar staff will keep you safe and help you figure out a safe way home) and remember, the bartenders will almost always be eager to help in any situation that makes you uncomfortable.

But you're literally not.

Oh, dear. Why I drink at home the way God intended.

They didn't even need to say anything, they could just walk up at any point and grab my hand and put their head on my arm/shoulder or something. It didn't matter if I was trying to talk to a woman for the first time or anything, they knew I would understand.

...I'm pretty sure that if I was chatting to an apparently-single guy in a bar, and a random girl came up to him, held his hand, and asked me to play along with the boyfriend act because she was trying to shake off a creeper, I would end up more attracted to the guy, not less, because he obviously has female friends who trust him to be the ultimate non-creeper. Unfortunate that it takes scary situations to generate secondary, unintentional wingwoman opportunities, but...there we have it. Thanks for being decent.

Ya know it's weird but you do find some really salt of the earth kinda people in bars. Alot of the friends I've made are like exactly like you where they'll just help when they see shit going down

This is not the first time I've run across this, by far. I'm curious to know if men ever get this sort of directive from their bosses. (Not trying stir the pot. Actually curious.)

K. You may leave now.

mind you this is in the country, grabbing a cab isn't even an option

Read the original post more carefully.

It doesn't at all seem like that is what /u/afrodiet is saying. I'm interpreting her comment to mean that it's bullshit that women are intimidated to the point that they have to be polite to people who overstep their boundaries out of fear that they will become aggressive exactly because being impolite leads to creeps displaying aggressive behaviors. Instead of taking a "no" in a better way, some people decide to escalate the situation and further intimidate/harass the woman.

I'd feel a lot safer if I had a nearly 7 foot tall gun toting woman with me in a bar. Your friends are lucky to have you.

The Reddit reality seems exaggerated because it's a safe place to talk about these things. Believe it or not, we don't all want to discuss everything on our facebooks and twitters, and Reddit is a comfortable, anonymous place to discuss whatever we want. That's the whole point. So you're seeing things through a pinhole because everyone is here talking about the things they're uncomfortable talking about in other places.

Um, that's not the same thing as "let the guy pick you up" or "let him take you on a date."

I've taken a ton of clients to dinner and the grand tour. This is something else, entirely. This is the "Show him a good time (wink wink)" one on one.

And dismissive, to boot.

you sir are a troll, if i say so, in my opinion of course.

and you sir are not a telepath and therefore have no idea how i will react to a given stimuli...

and i refuted your "point"...

so thanks for playing! ;)

that was good fun! :)

A friend of mine used to literarily call this "shark eyes". You gave a perfect description.

Funny I don't remember anyone responding to the "today you tomorrow me" story with "YOU SHOULDNT HAVE NEEDED HELP IN THE FIRST PLACE." Almost as if Reddit has a particular obsession with scrutinizing women in stories like this one, but not in similar stories where men got help in random situations. Go figure!

;in bar/club bathrooms

I've also DD'ed a lot, and drunk girls are like herding eels, but for some reason they really do seem nicer and more caring toward everyone in the bathrooms.

You choose not to shut up. We are here to say sarcastic things to you that you don't get. Please do not breed.

That's great and all but doesn't really help the situation. Calling a man out on his harassment, when you're in a new place, surrounded by people you don't know, with no way to get home, is utterly terrifying. And it could go wrong so many ways.

Plus, a man who acts like that around a women is probably going to get at least verbally abusive, if not physically, when a woman stands up to him.

We all agree that he doesn't deserve the attention anyway

I think some people just don't experience much physical vulnerability, so they see other people covering their bases as just a problem of insecurity or something. They haven't ever tried as hard as they can to get someone's hand off them and not been able to, then looking up and seeing that the person /knows this/. It's literally an unknown experience and they prefer to think that they live in a world where they have power that can't be taken away on a stranger's whim.

Still, theres no need for them to be such flippant douchebags damn.

Are you the kind of person who tells girls not to wear shorts skirts if they don't want to be raped, instead of telling men not to rape?

good on you!

i was a barman for years back about 10 years ago, and we hada pretty hardcore "pay attention to who them came in with" policy...

had to stop drug rapists on a number of occasions, and on many many more had to stop the drunk rapists...

wish more humans of any gender would look out for each other more!

Lest we forget

It's not, it needs a verb. "No, fuck off." Much better.

I don't think you are comparing apples to apples.

I know that male on male aggression keeps you vigilant and is a real concern. We have our own version of female to female aggression that does its own damage. But what OP is talking about is its own animal - predator to prey violence.

Not to be overly simplistic, but... The last time you went on a first date, were you worried for your safety? Did you call your BFF and give him the locations you were going to and the name and phone number of your date before you left the house, just in case? Do you feel the need for an escort to the men's room when out clubbing? Do you worry that if you get raped, it was because your pants were too short?

I know that men don't have it easy. Neither do women. Our difficulties don't cancel each other out. It's important we not be dismissive of either group's experiences.

Sorry that this happened to you. I am glad to read that you're not working at that place anymore.

I used to have some female roommates when I lived in Santa Barbara, and when we went out together to bars/clubs/wherever I was always the designated boyfried at certain points of the night. They didn't even need to say anything, they could just walk up at any point and grab my hand and put their head on my arm/shoulder or something. It didn't matter if I was trying to talk to a woman for the first time or anything, they knew I would understand. And in a couple of occasions they helped explain the situation to the woman I was chatting with. Only once was a guy a creep enough to question us if we were really dating - we kissed quickly and then I told him how pathetic it was for him to confront a woman holding hands with someone else (and I might have done it kind of loud). He left the bar and took his creeper ass elsewhere.

If you have a friend who could play a role like that, think of inviting him along from time to time. Or, pick out a guy in the bar/club that is not actively trying to talk to women (as in he either looks too nervous, or not interested because he is in a good relationship), and quickly ask if they will act like your gentlman boyfriend because there is some creeper harassing you. Some guy that is too nervous to approach a woman on his own would love to play hero for a little bit. Even if it only leads to you 5 minutes later saying "thanks" before you leave. Being a decent human when someone is in need can be its' own reward.

Anyways, sorry that there are creepers out there. Unfortunately, there are creeper women out there too.

I am that petite girl. I wish I had ever encountered a kind soul like you in the drunken escapades of my youth. Keep being awesome 👍

This was a thoughtful post, and very true. Even if you're not a girl and people are hassling you, let me know and maybe we can help you. I bartended at a place where half of my job was asking our old pervy regulars (not all the regs were old and pervy, but we had a few) not to sit with the groups of students that would cohabitate the place. No, those 20 year olds do NOT want you yelling about jazz to them for an hour while they politely try to talk amongst themselves.

As a guy with a sister (so I've heard this stuff a lot growing up and I'm very protective) I am aware that at night my presence may startle women walking alone (hell a guy walking behind me sometimes startles me) so I try to either walk in front of them or give them lots of space. At the same time I don't want you to be out of my sight in case another guy on the street has bad intentions. Most of my classmates are women and I always offer to walk with them after our night class. I'm not very big but I can stall a guy long enough for you to run to safety.

What I'm saying is women shouldn't be making all the changes. Guys need to step up.

So much this. Predators corral good people with rules of niceties and ought-tos in order to predict and control their behavior. You can be polite and firm about your boundaries at the same time. If that fails, don't keep yourself in danger to save face with him, your friends, or anyone. I'm not a confrontational person, so I up and left someone trying to get too handsy when he went out for a smoke break.

I see this kind of thing every day where I work. I've had to physically fight people off of jumping in an uber with a stumbling girl they haven't even really met.

In my city there's a gay bar which is by far the best night club in the city. Entirely non discriminatory as long as you're well dressed and sober(ish). They have standard bouncers on the door and about 3-4 6ft+ trans girls that keep peace inside. I've seen one of them bodily lift a guy and frog march him out to the street because he was being creepy. Met two of them at a charity Drag event, friendly as anything and so pleased we recognised them.

That's why I left it after my last comment. He can be a prick, but it's not changing my feelings on the subject

Yeah this is great! Seems like it's becoming more common for bars to offer training or more explicit preparation for their staff to step in and help when potentially dangerous situations come up. So this sort of thing will probably keep getting better, with more clear and explicit options available for people who are feeling threatened.

Especially because, strictly speaking, we're more likely to get assaulted violently

if any guy calls you a bitch after he harasses you and you say you're not interested, he doesnt deserve attention from anyone anyway. thats not being a bitch thats being a human

I'd also rather get robbed than raped.

Go you, scrappy chihuahua!

Yes, all the time. 'Take the clients out somewhere nice' is standard sales or account management territory, especially if you're in the city and the client has come in from somewhere boring. Stick a nice meal, five bottles of wine and front row concert tickets on the expense account and try not to look too hungover the next day.

I had a gross Walmart experience too.

I was in the mens shoe department looking for a last minute, cheap pair of dress shoes for my boyfriend. I was by myself, browsing, and I could feel eyes on me. It went on for some time and I got uncomfortable so I moved on to another aisle. He followed me, staying just a few meters away. I put the shoes down and just walked away, figuring I'd go pick up a few other things and go back for the shoes when he was (hopefully) gone.

Well, I thought I'd lost him and after some time I went back for the shoes. The guy appeared out of nowhere and started creeping again! I was getting seriously freaked, when he approached. He started off by telling me how beautiful I was and that he was going to take me out. Not asking me, telling me. I told him I had a boyfriend, hence being in the mens department, and that I was not interested. He said "How could I know I wasn't interested" because I hadn't given him a chance yet.

Nothing he said was threatening, other than his demeanor, but he was very persistent and blocking my way down the aisle to the more open, crowded part of the department.

Luckily a man with his baby daughter came over to ask if everything was ok, seeing I was visibly uncomfortable. He escorted me to the front of the store and made sure I got in my car ok.

And what do you propose she have done? Gone Roadhouse on him?

Your point is invalid since a woman did stand up to a man by herself, just not OP.

You can and sometimes should fire clients.

Well like... the address usually doesn't come up until you give your friend a heads up that you're probably not coming home tonight. it's not like "hi nice to meet you, where do you live?" - it's "if i'm going home with you, my friends need to know where to look for me".

Not trying to white Knight or look for pats on the back here. I'm a bouncer at a bar on weekends, and my job is to roam around inside and do general peacekeeping, even though most of my job just involves existing as a large authoritative figure to deter any funny business from breaking out. Any time I see a large line/long wait for the ladies room I male a point to hover around it. I've seen first hand some of the shit that can be done and said to women who are in a position where they can't feasibly walk away from the situation. It sucks, and I gotta hand it to women who are willing to go to a bar and be subjected to that shit.

Not saying it doesn't happen to men too, I get touched and objectfied frequently while working. But y'all shouldn't have to choose between standing in line vs getting away from some lowlife fuck who can't take a hint.

From the guy's perspective, how does he know she isn't a crazy stalker? If the date doesn't go well and after parting ways he wants nothing to do with her anymore, she still has his name and address. I think it's perfectly reasonable to decline that request and doing so is not something you should judge someone on.

It is if it's worded in the obnoxious, condescending tone that the person you replied to used. There's a difference between a kind response like "I'm glad someone was there to help you, I find it's helpful to also do X and Y in this kind of situation" and "this was totally your fault, you shouldn't have needed any help." The first is considerate and kind while the second is just being a rude, patronizing ass.

First of all, it is amazing how kind strangers can be. It makes me feel that the human race has a heart after all. But I would also like to point out this is the second kind of post about kind strangers protecting girls from creeps I have seen within a week. It bothers me that this kindness relatively out of the ordinary- that is, this kind of behavior is not standard. I don't understand why once the whole unfortunate episode is over, the most heard response is "I'm glad there was someone there to help you." I don't think the concept of rape culture has ever truly resonated with me until now. I know there is no actual crime on the creep's end, but I wish that even acting in this way would instantly make you a pariah in whatever place you happen to be. Instead, the event is seen as awkward from the perspective of outsiders, and often is ignored while the victim is essentially having a panic attack internally. And who knows? Maybe the creep even went home and said something like "guys, I wish you could have seen it, I almost got laid..." and maybe his buddies cheered and huddled up for story time. I know this is extrapolating quite a bit, but this is far from a rare occurrence. As a male, this is upsetting to me for a different reason as well- the "double standard" created that prevents men (socially) from certain careers, i.e., preschool teacher. I read a heartbreaking story on here about just such a teacher who had to quit because he felt he could not get close (physically or socially) to his students for fear of parent suspicion. Stories like yours would make me paranoid to leave children (that I don't have) with a man for extended periods of time. I just feel that putting the responsibility on the guilty party would solve so many of these issues.

Yeah, there's that fairytale Facebook life everybody's spewing, then there's that imperfect Reddit life, where you can talk about how you've got a sex predator uncle who wants to camp in your back yard when he gets out or whatever ugly situation you're going through. You can air your dirty laundry here, and there will be somebody here who will challenge the way you think, offer advice, laugh at or with you, and tell you off.

We need this sort of forum because we've in some ways reverted to that 50s mentality on Facebook, where we put on that brave face to the world, play happy family publicly, while we minimize our troubles to save face.

What you're missing is that the men who act like this can be perfectly charming or normal to anyone they're not targeting, and then frightening and forceful to anyone they've selected as prey. It's like some switch flips and they stop viewing the other person as a human, and begin to attempt to use them like an object. I've seen it and it's fucking terrifying.

I think they meant the asshole boss who pimped her out should be fired.