Friend's dad took a pic of this little guy poking his head out - Tea estate in Assam, India

Friend's dad took a pic of this little guy poking his head out - Tea estate in Assam, India

Scarecrows in India don't fuck around.

There's an old story in my village. It seems a man was walking in the forest and a great cobra rose up before him. He was sure that the cobra was a messenger of heaven due to it's incredible size and calm. He knelt before the great snake and asked "What does my faith require of me great messenger of Heaven?" And the snake bit him in the face. The lesson is snakes will bite you in the face.

Annnd let's go back inside.

Excuse me, do you have a minute to talk about our Lord and Savior, Cobra Kai?

Probably a good plan. Only thing worse than a cobra is a cobra that's hopped up on caffeine.

It's more an Eatcrow than a Scarecrow I think.

That's a really good fucking lesson.

Just boop it on the snoot.

That snake is great at being a snake, really outstanding in his field.

Fun fact. Pound for pound there is more caffeine in tea leave before brewing than in coffee beans but the method of diluting the tea when making it reduces how much is actually consumed. So by all rights that snake could well be off his tits and jittery as fuck if its consumed any of that raw tea.

Source: I'm British. I know my tea trivia. God save the queen.

Where is Rikki Tikki when you need him?

I got this.

And in return, that cobra will boop you on the snoot, hands, arms, and anywhere else it can reach.

Did I say boop? I meant pierce and inject deadly venom. I think.

As if picking astringent leaves by hand for slave wages all day isn't bad enough.

Scarecrows in India don't fuck around.

Sssscarecrows.

Really? Cause dude got fucked.

Maybe we can start a petition to pay the cobras more?

Its a king crowbra

Danger Noodle

sweep the leg

That's the Nope Brand section of tea leaves.

I spent hours walking through tea plantations in India. This picture caused parts of me to clench I didn't know I had.

Oh, god help us all

No stinger. Fangcrow for sure.. or a scarefarmer.

Obvisiously it isn`t a chokecrow, stingcrow maybe

A wild Arbok appeared!

No thank you I'll take your word for it

A toothy boop.

The workers have long sticks with them, and use the sticks to make noice with, and to disturbe the leaves and the bushes when they are walking from place to place. At least that's what they told me when I was visiting a tea plantage in Sri Lanka. The snakes are more afraid of you, than you are of them. Especially if you make a lot of noice you won't happen to randomly walk ino a snake, they will feel you come and have slithered away from you by then.

Funny thing about King cobras are you don't have to kneel for them to bite you in the face... Go check it out

It doesn't mention sex at all...

Crossing tea off the list of things that are safe.

Noice.

Upvote for ending with God save the queen.

nah dude, tea doesn't have that much caffeine. he's probably perfectly buzzing and chilling, bout to offer some sage snake advice

TIL: tea leaves have more caffeine than coffeebeans. Cool!

thats my Cobrah and u right my boi will fuck u up

When even crossing your T's isn't safe.

You really should though, that thing will fuck you up.

edit: Actually, it might be time to leave India.

"hey you, want some drugs?"

Sssssssssssszooooooom!

Everyone there should be issued a Mongoose for their protection.

drugssssssssss

I think we're looking for /u/Rikki_Tikki_Tavi actually.

"You knew what I was when you picked me up"

Snakes are more afraid of you, than you are of them.

This was quote from myself right before throwing a stick at a snake on a log. Turned out to be water moccasin, and it came hauling ass right at me. WARNING: not all snakes are afraid of you.

"Marco..! Come on guys!.. Marco..!"

GULP, I just realized how BIG he has to be, to be that far above the tea!

GET HIM A BAWDY BAG

Any follow up pics? I'm curious to see what a burning tea farm looks like

flashbacks of middle school lit class intensifies

You can have your upvote, but then I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.

Snakes. Why'd it have to be snakes?

I'm going back to Australia, F that.

Real question. What do workers in places like this do to prevent from being fucking murdered by these things on a daily basis?

Holy Hell OP. My backyard ends up at the front page of reddit? Your friends' dad missed a great opportunity for a couple o beers. I am probably one of the five other redditors from the whole fucking region :P

A thoop!

isn'l*

Yeah I mean this one isn't standing at its own height but you get the idea.

"no problem, let me just incinerate my livelihood"

King crowbra is the obvious winner here. Nothing else even compares

And flesh eating people...

moved to Arkansas - working construction along creek bed - guy yells "SNAAAKE!!!" turn to see everyone running - fucking 6 ft water moccasin hauling ass thru the reeds on the opposite bank - not at the bottom of the reeds - thru the top of 5ft reeds like frickin' Spider-Man on meth. Holy SHIT!

Scarecrowbra

SCARENOODLE

right..they dont even have hands!

bitejackdaw or a farmercharmee

If it's anything like Pokemon Go, this dude is surrounded by them.

Rip op.

Yeah, water moccasins are the exception. For real. I've seen them try to crawl in boats, attack paddles being used to scare them away, etc. They are practically fearless.

And the big ones have a face the same size a a God damn pit bulls. They can also do something similar to a growl, and they remember people's faces.

So if you fuck with a cobra and then see it a few years later it will remember you and get pissed off

You're actually playing /sub/outside Sapphire. You need Ruby version for him, sorry.

It worked, scared the shit out of me and I'm thousands of miles away.

TIL: man got fucked by snake, p.s. Big snakes not God

Nopecrow

Clearly you are not a farmer

Snake: "Pardon me sir, do you have any grey poupon?"

I am not a boi anymore brah, I am cobrah.

If I travel to a place with snakes like that, I will only step foot outside if accompanied by a...herd (pack?) of Mon...geese?

What in the holy hell... Nope nope nope nope nope

Tea advice. There isn't any sage there.

a video of some National Geographic folks catching a decent sized king cobra in a rice field

OPs snake is being partially supported by the tea bushes. It's a decent sized snake, but, for a king cobra it's not a huge one.

The really big ones are as big around as your calf, growl loudly (rather than hissing), have venom powerful enough to kill an elephant, and, as mentioned, can look down on a standing adult human.

Here is , you can hear the growling.

I just read this in Cobra Commander's voice...

It's ok, they are more scared of you than you are of them, and by you i mean the Snek.

Brobrah

Rikki Tikki Tavi is a famous short story by Rudyard Kipling about a mongoose who goes HAM on this family of cobras and saves a family of humans living in India.

Don't worry, he brings you love!

Don't worry,

King Nopethefuckouttahere

Yep. And he's a girthy mother fucker too. No thanks.

What he's saying is that they are gigantic snakes who will rear up a 3rd of their body length to stand up 6-7 feet tall! OP's snake is a big one!

My dad had a pet mongoose when he was growing up in Bombay. Those things are worth their weight in snake meat.

Noice

Jesus tittyfucking Christ

Here's the thing. You said a "bitejackdaw is a snake."

Is it in the same family? Yes. No one's arguing that.

As someone who is a scientist who studies snakes, I am telling you, specifically, in science, no one calls bitejackdaws snakes. If you want to be "specific" like you said, then you shouldn't either. They're not the same thing.

If you're saying "snake family" you're referring to the taxonomic grouping of sneks, which includes things from bitenutcrackers to blue sneks to rave-snakes.

So your reasoning for calling a bitejackdaw a snake is because random people "call the scaley ones snakes?" Let's get dinosuars and butterflies in there, then, too.

Also, calling someone a human or an ape? It's not one or the other, that's not how taxonomy works. They're both. A bitejackdaw is a bitejackdaw and a member of the snek family. But that's not what you said. You said a bitejackdaw is a snake, which is not true unless you're okay with calling all members of the snek family snakes, which means you'd call blue sneks, rave-snakes, and other snakes sneks, too. Which you said you don't.

It's okay to just admit you're wrong, you know?

I have had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plantation!

http://imgur.com/a/2FzxM

To his credit, it really is outstanding. No signs of ereptile dysfunction.

Ah yes, one of the eastern subspecies of the Noperope

After you've been booped you'll suddenly experience a psychodelic near death response where the snake blushes and it's eyes twinkle. The snake will scream, "Notice me senpai!". Then you're dead.

Give directions to the beer! I'll pass along the information.

Made specially with snek cuddles.

STRIKE FIRST!! STRIKE HARD!! NO MERCY SIR!!

If a man can't stand, he can't fight

There'sssss thissss apple over here for you to try.

Whatever you do though, don't step on the snek

You say little guy, but its probably like 6-7 feet.