Divorce lawyers business card

Divorce lawyers business card

Right, because I want my attorney representing both myself as well as the physical manifestation of evil incarnate I used to call my wife.

A friend of mine is an attorney who handles DUI's. He advertises by printing his name and number on cigarette lighters and leaving them in bars and clubs all over the city.

Good point. But maybe you could hand half of the card to your wife and say, "call my attorney if you have any questions."

Look at that subtle colouring. The tasteful thickness...Oh my God. It even has a watermark

When I was in law school I decided that if I ever did criminal defense I would advertise on the coasters. Such a missed opportunity for advertising!

Hey...let's just start referring to her as my ex-wife.

A friend of a friend of mine once picked a lawyer out of the phone book based only on the slogan in his ad:

"A reasonable doubt for a reasonable price"

It's so funny to me that Lawyers, a profession usually mentioned up there with doctors, have this amazing subset that have gimmick business cards and cheesy ass commercials. Imagine if a doctor had one of those "Have you been hurt in a car accident?" Type commercials




What's best is when you call your wife your "first wife"

No she's a Bishop's butt.

Because you actively choose your lawyer, so they have a need to be visible among competitors. Doctors normally get appointed to you when you go to the hospital.

I'm no expert, but I suspect glib marketing is being practiced in medical sectors, where the patient chooses the doctor, like cosmetic surgery.

So did you not end up going into criminal defense then?

She still is but she used to be too.

My brother used to do that as a JOKE — for real; it made me cringe. Yeah, it turned out to be true, no surprise.

...It turned out that she was his first wife?

That's just great marketing.

Yo, girl, how bout we skip the dinner, the movie, the drinks, annnnnnnd the sex and get straight to the part where you fucking hate me.

Yep. Many cosmetic surgeons have cheesy marketing. Also, the vast majority of lawyers are not personal injury, divorce, or even midnight crawler DUI criminal defense lawyers. Those are the ones that have the ridiculous ads.

Ah, so canon law.

If I ever get married, I'm going to call my wife my ex-girlfriend.

do you not have an "n" key?

the tear should at least be 90% o my side and 10% om the bitch's side.

Its a visual gag. It isn't supposed to be functional. If that were the case both you and your spouse could just grab their own card.

Upvoted for "cheating vagabond"

The big DUI attorney in town prints wristbands for all the bars. Gives them away for free.

I think I'm out of the loop on this one

Edit: American Psycho. Thanks everyone

Edit2: this is getting kinda out of hand

I'm going through a divorce right now and it sucks...

It's crazy how you trust someone with your blood and soul, then they backstab you, blame you for everything, then leave without a reason and dumps all the debts we had on me.

Anyways...I have never felt so betrayed before. Especially when you dream about this girl being the mother of your kids...And she's trying to figure out if I am the right fit for her and trying to change me for someone I am not.

I know I will find another woman, but after all she did to me I know she will regret it later on and I'm more worried about her than me...

Ahhhhhh life is full of surprises...god bless all of you and I hope none of you has to go through the crap I'm dealing with now!


Against the rules of ethics in many jurisdictions. And even if it isn't against the rules many lawyers won't do it. Even a couple who swears up and down they are divorcing amicably and just need help with the paperwork can turn against each other. And if that happens while they're using the same lawyer guess what? Neither of them can continue to use that lawyer and all that money was just flushed down the drain.

If you're such a dumbass you drink to the point you shouldn't be driving and then drive without taking off the wristband from the bar you probably deserve to have a DUI.

that's when you get engaged.

ex-fiancée is for when you get married

Here's my card. It turns into a sponge when you put it in water!

This is an understated secret in life. Everything is mundane, tedious hell if you don't have some sort of passion for it. So go do what you have a passion for, because it's going to be the only thing you can stand to put forth enough effort to succeed at.

more cringey is my friend who calls his girlfriend his "future ex-wife"

Except in the case of this card.. Partner A goes to this lawyer and gets 1 card. He gives half the card to Partner B so that Partner B's lawyer can get in touch with the lawyer of Partner A.

It's a clever way of using business cards, that's all.

Law school was the worst 3 years of my life. If your hobby isnt learning the law you are going to have a bad time. I just thought lawyers made a lot of money so i went and regretted every minute of it.

Paul Allen's card

They're quotes from the 2000 film American Psycho. Both lines were delivered by the titular psychopath Patrick Bateman, played by Christian Bale. Check Youtube for clips.

Edit: Here are the queued clips: and reservation at Dorsia

Bless me, farter, for I have sinned.

X means you entered a place that allows anyone over 18 but also serves alcohol. Therefore, anyone under 21 gets big X's on their hands to indicate that they're underage. Everyone else over 21 gets a wristband. Helps the bartenders look for obvious signs if they happen to miss checking for wristbands or get excuses of wristbands "falling off" which is almost impossible b/c they're made of the stickiest thing known to humans.

I think you're a different species than me.

She used to be two wives?

Also, in most states one lawyer can't represent two opposing parties

ok, enough /sub/me_irl for today...

Diagonal only.

The n key was a part of the 10%

That's why I keep a sharpie in my car and draw big Xs on the back of my hands before I drive.

I'm kidding.

Yeah, I'd pick that lawyer, too.

George Washington's business card is quite popular, though.

is quite popular, though.

A lawyer in my college town did it on pens. Same concept, and he would give them to the waiters (who always need more pens) to leave in the check presenters.

When the Amish discover reddit.

This is so true. I'm an engineer that went to law school for fun, and simply an interest in law. Loved every minute of it.

If I was able to choose the doctor who patched me up after a tragic accident, you better be damn well sure I'd go with Dr. Fixalot

When I was in law school I took being "called to the bar" too literally.

Missed opportunities abound, was fun though.


And I'm the butt of an injured hockey player so things are pretty laid back right now.

lighters in general are a good place to put ads, people usually keep them around, while nobody walks around with a bundle of business cards.

Nope. I work as a legal editor, don't have to deal with clients, and love every minute of it.

That actually does make sense, usually in cases if the 2 parties are in dispute about the divorce (as very few "non-fault" divorces happen. It's a case where they are not recommended to communicate, but instead through the attorneys.

It would be more likely "give this to your attorney and have him call mine... if you have any questions."


SET @CurrentWife = (SELECT m.currentwife FROM AVAIL_WIVES WHERE m.boobs = 'Yuge')

Just keep trying different things. I was a banker, bartender, waiter, art salesman, gallery director, waiter again, museum visitor assistant director, reservations clerk, bookkeeper, and finally, at age 59, found total satisfaction as an HIV tester and counselor.

I have also discovered rather recently, the joys of bdsm type sex. But that's for another time.

Also, in a real divorce situation the two parties would be arguing about which half they get.

RIP James A.W. Mahon's Voicemail

I'm more worried about her than me...

I have some spectacularly ugly history, and I can tell you this: Focus on yourself. You make sure you pull through. Fuck her (not literally, that's a baaad idea). Get used to your new circumstances; don't ignore things and let them fester, and don't turn to substances. Escapism is no solution, but neither is dwelling on things. And good luck, mate.

As seen on Reddit! Social media turns novelty into free advertising.

Oh my God. It even has a... perforation

Yes, his wife and mine. Is it really that hard to understand?

Edit: included nudes in response to the comment below me

Everyone is missing the point entirely, besides the humor factor it's not for representing both parties it's for information sharing, like the insurance card you carry for when you get into a car crash (but better because the other person doesn't have to write it down).

I'm an engineer

I don't believe in sleep!

Checks out.

You don't know that. Not understanding a reference doesn't imply mental illness.

"he couldn't afford a second whole card for you ... or me for that matter. Why did I hire this cheap-ass again? You're right honey, I do fuck up everything!" Reconciliation Kiss

I just realized that I never thought of people above say the age of 40 having this problem. I guess most people that age accept the fact their work is miserable and become complacent. I'm glad you pushed through and found your satisfaction!

I do that. I'm not a lawyer but I have pens with my company name and contact info and I leave them everywhere. Restaurants, bars, banks, etc.

Every once in a while I'll go out to lunch and be given one of my own pens to sign the check.

Ron swanson, is that you?

Send nudes.

Glad you got out before you had kids.

Oh and don't worry, when they put it on your wrist they're gonna stick it to your arm hair so it's also painful to get off.

But also ex-girlfriend....

which is almost impossible b/c they're made of the stickiest thing known to humans

They're made of movie theater floors?

Not just any bishop's butt, but Ben Bishop's butt. That's a tall butt.

I've seen worse. You're fine

I'm still an engineer (building construction/consulting). I'm a partner at my firm. I do not practice law. I haven't sat the bar yet. I know. I'm lazy!

I've thought about a small private practice in the future, and also running for local office. Family law is my interest. I did a combo MBA/JD. Rutgers law.

I'm working on a BSN now. So it will have to wait another year or two. Yes. I know. I'm all over the place. I've been in school for 20 years now. I'm also a paramedic and volunteer EMT.

My friend calls his girlfriend his "current girlfriend" to her face. Very cringey!


ha. yeah, they are going to wonder what the uptick in emails of random memes and dick pics is due to

I'm a life long learner. I've been in school of some form my entire adult life while also working. I don't believe in sleep!

Ew grandpa

Have you been hurt in a car accident? What the fuck are you doing? Go see a doctor. But not just any doctor...

or Elton John.

I had to look...it's 13 on the left and 15 on the right. Almost upsetting since it could have been an even split.

I call my current job my "first and only non-seven-figure job"

I believe that is MY business card sir!

American Psycho

Everything on the card is split 50/50. 13 letters on each side etc.

Yup exactly. Now that im done im still trying to find out what that is.

So you are going to work there forever?


Bad design though. His number should be on one side and his partner's number should be on the other.