Crazy monkey boards boat, fights man for vodka then swims away under water like a sting ray

Crazy monkey boards boat, fights man for vodka then swims away under water like a sting ray

I love how he has absolutely zero fear of the white people, but the second that Thai dude moved toward him he boogied the fuck out of there... Like he knows tourists are push-overs but locals might actually fuck him up. What a weird life macaques must live.

Man that drunk monkey sure does glide through the water

Well sure. Get to see a "wild' monkey for the first time? I'm gonna love that little sucka. Spend a lifetime having monkeys steal everything outside my house, rip the shutters and gutters off, attack me and my family for food, and generally being the assholes they are? It's only a matter of time before you punt one.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pSm7BcQHWXk

Weird but true Monkey fact: When exposed to booze, monkeys will refrain from drinking, moderately drink and heavily drink in the same percentages of population as humans.

That's what impressed me most about this video. Monkey opens bottle? Sure, they're smart, they remember stuff. But I had no idea a monkey could do a perfect dive and Michael Phelps his way through the sea.

Macaques would make excellent pirates.

It's almost like there's an evolutionary link or something.

Why this guy sound like a 17 year old??

First time visiting malaysia I saw a group of monkeys napping under the shade of a tree after gorging on this big ass jack fruit. I took a few pics and he woke up and ran at me flipping his lips back to show his teeth. I stood my ground and looked him dead in the eyes because I wasn't going to let him best me.. suddenly he got erect and started stroking his lil monkey dick, I knew what was coming next.. so i ran away. Monkeys are tough lil fucks

Bitch I sure as hell ain't finna fight a monkey over shitty vodka. That mother fucker gonna tear my face off damn.

I thought he was a teen until he flipped the camera around and... dad-aged guy. wut

"I had nothing to do with this" - guy who handed him the vodka

I love how he quickly smells to cap to make sure he's not wasting his time drinking some non-alcoholic bullshit beverage. The entire interaction with the drink shows the complex love-hate relationship he has with alcohol.

"...and that's the story of how I had my dick ripped off by a monkey."

I had no idea a monkey could do a perfect dive and Michael Phelps his way through the sea.

While drunk!

The monkey doesn't know where you live, he's just a racist asshole who steals white people's shit.

The proper response would have been to wipe your manhood out and do the helicopter. Once he realizes the power of man he will slink back to his monkey harem and offer you up one of his wives. And that how you could have gotten a monkey wife in SE Asia.

Your mom can tell you all about macaque.

Even if it was legal, I wouldn't fuck with a monkey. They're crazy fast, most of them have huge canine teeth and seem to be inclined at holding grudges/reciprocating on violent behavior.

Such a fucking Chad.

In most countries you cannot touch a Monkey but they can touch you. It's a crime if you do. So you just have to let them do whatever the fuck they want.

Dude, monkeys can fuck people up. They will literally come at you like a spider monkey, Chip.

umm, chimps are strong as fuck. They put humans to shame with their strength. They are basically pure muscle. Just google what a shaved chimp looks like, and you'll understand.

I like how it immediately knew how to open the bottle.

Hah, I think it will probably take a while for it to kick in, unless he did this to feed his habit.

I would like to believe monkeys homebrewed their drinks

I never realized how accurate Donkey Kong 64 was.

So that's okay to say about monkeys? But once I say it about gypsies suddenly I'm a "racist" and "not even invited in the first place". Bah.

OP is probably trying to say that the cap naturally implies that it is twist off. I don't buy it though. OP is a piece of shit. Even simple things are confusing or not clear if you lack cultural knowledge. For example, people who have never experienced chairs don't sit in a chair like people who have learned how to sit in chairs. Almost certainly somebody(human or monkey) showed this monkey how to open caps at one point, and he remembered.

"Jamie, pull that that up."

lots of thing ferment in the wild, and many animals do get drunk off fermented fruits and such

So glad I wasn't the only one who thought that.

Every grown guy is still a boy and/or a teenager at heart sometimes. Even a doctor in the same room as certain people would turn into a frat boy. There are levels obviously but grown dudes still like to have fun.

Just like humans

This is why I can never be around monkeys. If a monkey picks a fight with me or tries to steal, I'm gonna treat that fucker like a human... not a good thing for either me or the monkey.

Steal my drink? Fuck you're getting a kick and a huge roar.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=3sZiIkc87K4

I'd like to subscribe to weird but true Monkey facts

Chimps and orangutans can actually be taught how to swim!

Chimps/Apes sink like rocks.

Also don't forget that humans are literally apes, and we definitely have developed the ability to swim without sinking like a rock.

the monkeys frequently engage in violent crime and stealing from white people

They can rip your testicles off.

The monkey can have my vodka! If I had a wife, he could have her too. Just leave the jewels alone.

Probably mixed in the Gatorade.

You know that feeling of spite that incites you to kick the monkey for stealing from you? Monkeys feel that same feeling as well, they just have sharper teeth, and a lack of understanding of private property.

It's probably more that he approached him hunched over like a big monkey. There's a guy in a tourist hotspot (I forget where offhand) who is paid to dress up like a monkey and prance around the shopping area like he owns the place to scare off the other monkeys, and the crazy bit is it works like a charm.

They have some other fascinating similarities to people too.

That's why I said it's bad for me.

I live in Japan. The monkeys here aren't nearly as dickish as mainland Asian ones but the locals still hate them for causing mischief, eating crops etc. The funny thing is that a lot of people here also think raccoons are precious while I think their trash-eating, rabies-giving, attic-wrecking little cunts. Just goes to show that there's a huge difference between seeing an animal through a screen and having to live next to it.