Chicken collection machine

"Chicken collection machine?" OP wasted a perfect opportunity here. This machine is a massive cock-sucker.

Should be noted: this is what's considered "cage free".

I WANT MY CHICKEN FOR LESS THAN $2 A POUND AND I WANT THE CHICKEN TO HAVE A SMALL APARTMENT BEFORE IT DIES.

People acting surprised; how did you expect chicken to cost so little.

I bought a $5 rotisserie chicken at the market a few days ago. As I was eating it I felt sad that that whole chicken's life was worth $5. From the day it was born it was fed and watered till adulthood, then killed, then cleaned, then packaged, then shipped, then sold. For $5... and somehow it was still a profit...

For fuck's sake. Is nothing humane?

Edit: Just to be clear, I'm referring to the life of the chickens being humane. A large area to roam, good shelter, clean water, real food(grass, grain, etc.) Not being injected with hormones.

I don't justify their deaths or pretend killing them is humane, I only ask that they be cared for well while alive and be killed as quickly and painlessly as possible.

You should see my chicken collecting machine on Minecraft

They're hens. Good one though.

It's honestly more gentle than it looks. Also you think minimum wage workers are gonna be more gentle moving this many birds by hand?

Actually rotisserie chickens aren't usually profitable they are referred to as "loss leaders" typically when you buy one, it is a part of a meal which you then by things to be a part of at said store.

Henjob machine.

When i was young, like 12 or 13, I had a job catching chickens at a large poultry farm.

All the chickens, 5000 of them to be exact, were in a large warehouse that had a 2nd floor and doors outside the 2nd floor for transport trucks to pull up to.

My job was to bring 6 chickens at a time to the truck, 3 in each hand. I had to pick them up, one at a time, by one leg and slide it between two fingers. Then pick up an other and another and another. Six chickens, hanging upside down, squawking, shitting and pecking at my arms, chest and face with feathers flying and chicken shit everywhere. I can still remember the feeling of it - frmo the beaks ripping into my arms to the feeling of their legs ometimes breaking between my fingers.

I would carry them over to the door and hand them over to the next guy who would shove them, very unceremoniously and roughly, into a cage. Six chickens per cage.

It was the most horrific thing I've ever done to make money. It was such a hot, horrific, traumatizing job that I quit after the first night.

Not in the EU. It means they have to have continuous daytime access to open-air runs, and a maximum density of 1 hen per 4 square metres which I'd say is thankfully pretty much what anyone would expect of free range.

"Free range" seems to be ok but humane and livestock seldom overlap.

"Free Range" means almost nothing. It's defined as "Producers must demonstrate to the Agency that the poultry has been allowed access to the outside."

In other words, they may be "allowed access to the outside" for an hour a day and they would qualify--even if the chickens don't go outside.

FDA Source

I've seen the source video. After the GIF ends, they're sent to a 100+ acre chicken sanctuary free from any human contact, and they all live happily ever after.

It's definitely better than the next machine they go through.

Hijacking top to say this. If commercial farming truly disturbs you, support your local farmers market and farmers. Sure it's a little more expensive sometimes but if you don't want to support places like this it's the way to go. I buy my eggs directly from a man who farms outside my city for 4$ a dozen. I've been there and his chickens are basically his pets and are well taken care of. I usually go in on half a cow (yes it's a thing ask your local butcher!) with a couple of friends. Also my girlfriends dad and sister hunt deer quite a bit and I get some steaks every few months. My point is there's always options to still eat meat and know the animals were raised and/or killed humanely. I'm so tired of people saying "oh I'm vegan now because of this documentary I saw". If you truly want that then great do it! There are other ways and methods to ensure your meat is coming from a good place! May take a little more effort, but hey, If it's worth it. Do it!

honestly that looks decently humane

http://www.farmersonly.com

Just playing Big Deli's game.

Shhhh we're hating on how our food is produced, just move along sir

Christ, when I was still running a bukkit server we had to ban the chicken grinders. Purely because when you have 20 or so separate people logged on, each with their own chicken grinder(s). It created an asinine amount of resource draw on the server, while also preventing any natural passive mob spawning within an area near the grinder.

THANK YOU. We're savages when it comes down to our food and i made peace with that ages ago.

I'M FROM BUENOS AIRES AND I SAY KILL'EM ALL

other method

The they were using took forever.

I don't like chickbait

You and me both. My dad was a chicken farmer. We would clear out thousands of the little buggers in a single session painstakingly picking each one up like you say. And all at night with the lights off to minimize the number of deaths due to panic. That machine looks way gentler than manual labor would be.

Well, you wanted your McNuggets - this is how you get your McNuggets.

Would it make you guys feel better about the chicken if I told you I wouldn't pay a dime for your dead body, but I would for sure pay those $5 for a dead chicken.

edit: to the kind human who gilded me, you just paid four dollars for fake internet points. That's four dollars more than I would pay for your dead body. Money well spent, I say. Cheers!

Thars true. I always buy salads from the deli to go with one.

This conversation is the most bizzare thing I've read in a long time

*cluckbait

The US rarely does anything that does not benefit the greed factor first. Corporations will say they will go broke if they 'had' to treat the animals humanely. It is the same thing with everything over here. We have lost the ability to lead. We can do nothing if it is inconvenient for the richest and most powerful.

If this is WTF material to people, you dont want to see what happens after theyre collected.

Not bad, 10 eggs for 1,59€ free-range, 1,09€ for cage free at aldi. Source (in german)

"Hey Jeremy! Check it out! We're all getting sucked into a giant metal machine just like we did in the wild!"

-Chicken, probably...

This isn't nearly as bad as it looks. It moves slowly to not spook or harm the chickens. The fingers are hollow rubber tubes inflated with air so they're grabby but soft. The chickens are conveyed one at a time so they don't bang into each other, and can right themselves on the conveyor that goes up and out of the pen. There, workers hang them by their feet on a moving belt (they're light, it doesn't hurt the chicken) and they go into a dark tunnel which calms them, then they're given a knock-out gas, and quickly beheaded by a mechanical blade. So, it's pretty decent. We don't execute human prisoners that nicely.

Edit: This is more humane one, yes there are horrible chicken farms out there.

keepin' a sharper eye out for the gout

Embalmin' myself from the inside out

Deez nitrates preservin' me like Tutankhamen

eatin' pastrami on rye like a gustatory Shaman

In bird culture this is considered a dick move.

Send him to the punitentiary

If I was able prosecute puns, I would jail you for life

Ah fuck. I'm never gonna be a vegetarian but this sucks.

Everyone likes to whine about Chicken not being free range and cage free.

These are the same people who will whine when they dont get 2lbs of chicken breast for $5.99.

Its not easy raising chicken free range and cage free. Its very expensive and greedy corporate companies dont pay enough to those chicken farmers. They get measly money if you see those documentaries about Chicken farmers.

I love it when you call me Big Deli

Throw your hands in the air, if you like sharp chedda.

Yea, better for everyone IMO, the chickens don't panic at all in the video, the machine probably doesn't trigger any kind of predator fight or flight response so very easy on them.

Did the chickens have large talons

This. I raise poultry and pork. My animals live way better than this massed produced stuff. They eat more of a variety too as they are out in pasture. Yes, in the end they still die, but everything dies so something else can live.

Do the chickens have large talons?

If it makes you feel any better, grocery store rotisserie chickens are sold at a loss because the smell makes people buy more food.

So, really, it lived and died to become an air freshener.

Well, part of an air freshener. I imagine they had more than one in the display.

What a relief, I thought they turned into food

I work with chicken. I can guarantee you they are scared shitless bombling through such a machine and then being man handled.

It's a improvement to hand picking I give you that, but it still no joy ride for them chicken

There is a more chickens mod, and I had just about 10 of everytime. My chicken farm was nuts in size. I had to add a chunk loader because it went out like 4 x 4 chunks.

/sub/gifsthatendtoosoon

should be a rapper called Big Deli

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lh6ZDusOGwU

Can I hop in and post a video of how they feed goose to make foie gras?

rotisserie chicken is delicious tho

Oh god yup.

You know those compact ones, with the lava that instantly kills them once they get old enough?

I was playing on some survival server back in 1.7.10. Spent about a year or so getting tons of materials, then sold them all to the ingame shop and other players, and suddenly I was the second richest person in the server. Then I bought tons of spawn eggs (Like, 30+ double chests filled with 64s) and along with a couple of friends, we built hundreds of those fucking machines. Literally filled 10% of the gameworld with them.

Chicken machines were banned the week after that.

More Chickens is ridiculous. Once you start into the modded chickens you might not leave the chicken pen for hours. The animal net sound is engraved in my brain.

The thing that makes McNuggets?

How do I find a local farmer

this scene

Reminds me of from Caligula. If you've seen the film, you'll know the bit I mean.

I almost signed up -_-

Deli manager here. We sell our rotisserie chickens at 6.99 each. The cost of the chicken (cost being what we pay, not what the retail is) still leaves us with about $2.00 profit per chicken sold. You'd be surprised at how incredibly cheap chickens are to raise and sell in bulk.

Damn, OP just can't catch a break

That... actually weirdly did make me feel better, thanks.

Aldi is the shit man. We have one in PA one town away, my wife and I do most of our shopping there and we save a fucking ton of money

I would happily substitute farmed meat for lab-grown meat and insects, when they will be affordable and wide-spread.

Yeah, considering they're going to be eaten having their bum tickled is pretty humane.

How much are those eggs compared to regular eggs?

It's weird looking for sure, but I'm not really seeing what's particularly inhumane about it, at least as far as moving a lot of chickens around. Is it because there's machinery involved instead of someone handling the chickens or chasing them around?

I'm probably one of the only people in this thread full of false outrage that will freely admit to you that I just plain do not care.

I'm not prepared to pay 20 dollars or more for chicken and without mass farming methods like this meats would be a luxury product enjoyed by few instead of a taken for granted freely available source of food for everyone.

Feeding a planet of 6 billion people would not be possible without methods like this.

Downvote away but that's my 2 cents.

https://youtu.be/QGoqdknQaDc

I think I found the source. It's called the "Chicken Cat".

I don't think you can humanely kill someone that doesn't want to die.

Well they're about to get killed, it's can't be a good time no matter what.

Maybe just consider being vegetarian for 1 day a week?

chimken nuggers

If slaughterhouses had glass walls, everyone would be a vegetarian.

-Paul McCartney

I didn't know mcnuggets featured an ounce of real meat.

Hah in small villages there are grandmas doing this with their hands. Grandmas are the machines of the villages.

You can tell it's a Minecraft video by the poorly made overly-long intro overlayed with amplified-to-clipping brostep music.

I didn't know much about chickens, I still don't, but my wife's brother started an egg business a few years ago and I've picked up a few things. There are a lot of caveats to what the various terms mean and 'cage free' is quite literal, they aren't in a cage. However, they're typically in a barn (with no cages) and still have very a very shitty lifestyle.

I've been to their farm a few times and the chickens are free-roaming outside, eating pesticide-free grass (that their cows also range on), and they move the portable chicken coop every few days to another grassy area so they're always eating fresh grass and not standing in their own feces. Overall, I'd say this is the most humane ways that I'm personally aware of. That said, I'm not specifically sure of what terms you should be avoiding on an egg carton, but I know "cage free" sounds great but isn't.

Shameless name drop for their farm and products: http://www.stueveorganic.com/

Sometimes yeah. I've gotten a good number of scratches from em.

Don't forget to Vote for Pedro.

Aldi is the shit man.

This is why commas are important.

I imagine this is how humans will be handled in the future with special riot machines or something. Like those trucks in Soylent green

And Americans have increased per capita meat consumption by 140% since the 1960's (per capita chicken consumption in particular has increased by 325% in this time period; http://www.nationalchickencouncil.org/about-the-industry/statistics/per-capita-consumption-of-pou...) and we eat more than twice as much meat per capita as the global average ( http://www.businessinsider.com/where-do-people-eat-the-most-meat-2015-9 ).

We wouldn't "need" meat to be so cheap if we learned to eat other shit sometimes.

Poultry wasn't a primary meat source for most of history. The change came from a major pr campaign and breeding strategies starting in the 50s. We've developed a ton of new recipes and ideas around poultry to make it a staple. Unfortunately producers were able to fuel this new staple through inhumane production methods.

The best solution would be to get your chickens from a local who raises chickens for eggs and butchers the older chickens.

The humane option for pork and beef is to buy into an animal from a local farm. They slaughter and package the animal for you. It's a large amount all at once but if you have a deep freezer than it's a very frugal option and a high quality product. You can also split it two or three eays with friends.

That way you support local farmers, humane treatment of animals, get a great high quality product, give the finger to big agriculture and you save a lot of money.

I think a ton of people are so separated from their chicken nuggets and how they got there. I've had friends who refuse to watch a cow get slaughtered but they love beef.

If this disturbs you, buy local (and probably much more expensive) chicken and probably eat less meat in general.

Feeding a planet of 6 billion people would not be possible without methods like this.

Feeding a planet of 6 billion people meat would not be possible without methods like this. It's entirely possible to feed a planet of 6+ billion people plants without this.

You probably don't want to know how commercial farming works if you eat meat.

And again I along with most of the rest of the people in the world am not willing to take the nutritional hit of living a 100% vegetarian lifestyle so that some of the dumbest animals on the planet are "happier" about being eaten.

Along with that they simply taste good, so I will continue to eat them. We're the only predators on the entire planet that concern ourselves with whether the things we kill and eat are happy before we do so and are killed as quickly as possible. I'm not saying we shouldn't try to make it as humane as possible, but some of these methods are necessary to keep up with demand.

The world is not all sunshine and roses, veganism is such an odd first world luxury to me.

Edit: I'm gonna go ahead and disable inbox replies. This is exactly as unpopular as I thought it would be. You're certainly entitled to your viewpoint just as I am though comment away.

With all the other punny mothercluckers.

The meat from animals raised like yours are night and day from the store. I salute you.

So that chickens life was actually worth about $6

wtf im vegan now

Small farmer here thanks for your support. This is exactly it I raise my animals in the most humane way possible, lots of room, nice pens, clean conditions and lots of "games" and treats to keep them happy. It's way more work and cost to do things that way but some people are willing to pay for it and I feel that I produce a better product.

Yeah, I was here thinking, "Has anyone ever tried to catch a chicken by them self?"

It's not an easy thing.

Edit: To clarify, I meant when you f**k up and let all the chickens loose in your yard, and you're running around with your arms wide open trying to catch them. All the mean while, your in-law is laughing their ass off.

Source: Am a redneck

So, really, it lived and died to become an air freshener.

Man, I can only dream of having such a definitive purpose

They don't.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chicken_McNuggets

Each McNugget only weighs about 17 g, or 0.6 oz.

I would say I won't eat chicken any more, but we all know that's not true!

The first rule of Vegan Club? Tell everyone about Vegan Club.

Its a film smuggled out of the plant of the McNugget 9000 in action

Hey look! A slightly smaller cock-sucker.

"So what do you do?"

"I'm an apprentice cock-sucker. A thousand more loads and I'll reach journeyman. Then I can finally earn a living sucking up cock."