Australian teenager survives croc attack, gets the girl

Australian teenager survives croc attack, gets the girl

Completely lost it when his response to how much alcohol he had was "10 cups of goon."

Wrestled a crocodile after getting pissed on goon to impress a British backpacker, you don't get much more bogan than that.

"He denies he's done anything wrong"

"Haters gon' hate."

Attaboy.

It might be the pain meds but he doesn't sound like the sharpest tool in the shed.

Keep in mind he jumped into croc infested waters before getting the pain meds.

Kids will do anything for a high.

Do you understand that most of the country thinks you're one of the stupidest people around right now?

Yup. I do.

What's your response to that?

I'm not really. I'm just trying to prove a point.

Harder hitting journalism than anything you'll see on cable news in America.

The problem with being 10 cups into the goon is that a chick who is a 4 starts looking like an 8. Next thing you know, you're in croc infested waters trying to get into her knickers.

That girl is not a 4. She's exactly pretty enough for a guy of that caliber to do something stupid for.

Or some U.K. Poon in this case

10 CUPS OF GOON TO GET THE POON

Edit: Whoa whoa whoa there, this comment was worthy of being gilded? I am somehow ashamed but proud at the same time.

"10 cups of goon."

Non-Australian translation?

Just boxed wine

https://delishably.com/beverages/Australias-Most-Famous-Drink-GOON-backpacker-travel-drink-alcohol

She is "caring and kind" and he is almost the most armless bloke going.

He missed a great opportunity.

|"What's your response to that?"

|"I think most of the country are a bunch of cunts"

On the box of one brand, Golden Oak, it says "Produced with the aid of milk, egg, nut, and fish products and traces may remain. Sugar added." Of course, some optimistic mates say, “Well, at least it's a whole meal.”

Now that is the mark of a true alcohol aficionado.

Hey girl, your kids are going to be stupid.

Gators gonna gate!

This interview is amazing, truly one for the history books, probably the best since 'I busted my pluggers'.

Sometimes I think Australia's not real.

I'd put her at a high 7, honestly, in the looks department anyway.

The fact that his actions impressed her brings her down to an overall score of four, though.

Edit: I understand. You feel differently about her level of attractiveness than I do.

News: I suggest you go away and take a good long look at yourself.

CW: I have. Everyone has. They love it.

Top 3 all time closing line. My man has NO ragrets.

I don't get the feeling he impressed her, pretty much the opposite. The date I'm thinking is more out of pity and being guilt tripped.

So a blonde jumps in to croc infested waters to impress another blonde. It's ok he says they only eat backpackers. Soon after he jumps in a croc takes a bite only to realize he has no backpack. The croc lets him go and apologizes for the inconvenience and misunderstanding. The boy climbs out of the water and says "see I told you it wouldn't eat me. Want to catch a movie later?"

this.

I think it's even on par with

In his words, "Haters gonna hate." Lol

I saw the opportunity he missed differently:

"What's your response to that?"

"I got the girl and they didn't. Best of luck, mates."

"I'll apologize but I'm not taking off my glasses."

My favourite part :

Reporter: "are you aware that people are saying you're one of the stupidest people around right now?"

Boy: "yeah"

Reporter: "what's your response to that?"

Boy: "I'm not. Just trying to prove a point"

In his defence, the British backpacker was beautiful, but being funny often works as well

MAYBE HIS MOTHER COULD GIVE HIM A HANDJOB

And you take the goon bag out of the box, then peg it to a rotating hills-hoist clothesline; stand around it in a circle, spin it around and whoever it lands on must drink from the bag. It's called goon of fortune.

You're welcome the rest of the world.

That's how kids are made. A backpacker and a bogan go on a movie date. Then kids.

I think it's the Australian equivalent to redneck

Nah, he's just a Queenslander.

So...4.5?

I don't think she had an option, if hes willing to jump in croc waters for a girl, hes willing to be a future stalker!

So a Queenslander walks into a bar and there's three jars of change on the bartop. Each one is larger than the last. He says to the bartender, "Oi, what's the jars of change for?" Bartender says, "That small one there is for any man who can drink ten shots of our rotgut. It costs five to try and no man has done it." Feeling gutsy he says ok I'll try it and throws back all ten shots. Now he's significantly richer than when he watched in and he has a good buzz going. "Oi, what're the bigger ones for?" Bartender says, "well we got a UK backpacker girl in the back that's never had an orgasm. You root her right proper and you get the middle jar." "And the biggest one?", he inquires. "We got a three meter crocodile out back with a sore tooth. You pull that tooth, you get the biggest jar." Alright then, the brave young man says. He walk through the back door and within minutes the bar is filled with screaming and tussling. Ten minutes of this and the young Queenslander walks back into the bar looking disheveled. "Alright", he says, "Where's the girl who needs her tooth pulled?"

I can say the same for when he said "haters gunna hate"

this

When she mentioned "He almost lost his arm, but through surgery doctors were able to save it." it immediately reminded me of .

Was also set up live on air by local radio. What's she gonna say, 'nah fuck off lol'?

She'd said earlier in the interview that he was too young for her, 18 vs 24.

It's the implication.

No, no, didn't you watch the video? He says he's not an idiot

That's hilarious, the interviewer is horrible though, telling him to do things like apologize on camera etc. Not her place to do so, she should be getting the story instead of reprimanding him.

and has absolutely no regrets about doing so, and sees nothing wrong with it at all.

The guy is an idiot.

IM GONNA COMMENT HOW THIS IS IN EVERY SINGLE THREAD

He got the girl to go on a pity date to the movies with him.

There won't be a second.

"Ive never heard a guy scream like that"

Waiting for a mate

Here are some more Aussie greats if anyone is interested:

Busted my plugger

All I had was me undies on

Guy tries to catch shark live on TV

Can't tell if hes drugged up or like that normally

"Get me to do it for you." What a fucking legend.

True, they did just say movie date, which doesn't mean a whole lot.

Nah she's British, the girls here will suck you off for a chicken nugget sharebox.

This is a crocodile not some pussy american alligator

In my extensive sometimes hazardous travels as an American (admittedly with other citizenships), I have devised a rather lengthy code:

(With apologies to Mister Rogers)

Rule number 17: “When you see scary things or scary people or you are in distress and maybe inebriated, Look for the Aussies. They are obnoxious but you will find this trait is why they will help you against anything."

Rule number 18: “When you see scary things or scary people or you are in distress and maybe inebriated, Look for the Canadians. They are humble and quiet but you will find this trait is why they will help you against anything."

Rule number 19: “When you see scary things or scary people or you are in distress and maybe inebriated, Look for the Kiwis. They sound like Aussies but are much more understated. They won't just keep you safe, they will look for the cause of your distress and quietly destroy it to eliminate a repeat incident. 'Don't worry, bro. Won't botha ya' again. Sure of that, we are.'"

Rule number 20: “When you see scary things or scary people or you are in distress and maybe inebriated, Look for the Irish. They don't give a shit about you, they just want a reason to fight a baddy."

Rule number 21: “When you see scary things or scary people or you are in distress and maybe inebriated, Look for the Scots. They will proceed to knock you out proactively so you're out of the conflict. Their friends will drag you to a safe pub, and they will proceed to confuse an aggressor with indecipherable bodily threats and curses. After which, they will buy them beers and make them be friends with you back at the safety pub."

He's got one of those ciggie butt brains.

America has Florida-man we've got Queenslanders

Yea but Crocodiles gonna croc didn't have the same ring to it.

Proteins derived from those food products are commonly used as clarifying agents for wine and beer. Labelling requirements in Australia are probably fairly rigid about including these products.

Boy: "I'm not. Just trying to prove a point"

But he even failed in proving the point because the croc got the Aussie and not the backpacker!

Yeah I would definitely bet good money on it being a pity date. Poor bloke is going to get friendzoned hard.

Goon is the dirtiest alcohol available here, it requires extra chemicals to clean up the shitty grapes and it isnt distilled very well.

Expect a really bad hang over but probably not as bad as young dundee in the vid.

Ok Alex Jones.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wxazJTYBLWA

holy shit, I thought you made this up

What in tarnation

This kid is Dale from the castle, but with worse judgement.

ON YA DALE

She too was looking kind of dumb

He sure proved them wrong.

"Lee was covered in blood -- most of it still stains him."

Uh, no. That's not blood. It's a disinfectant called chlorhexidine used to sterilize skin before a surgery. It's dyed pink so you know where it has been applied. In this case, the surgeons were just too lazy to wipe it off at the end of his surgery.

A lot of people thought Steve Irwin was an idiot, he loved that people thought that, as it made them weary and not risk their lives doing the same things he did.

All of her visible teeth are there, that's a dime in the UK.

What's a "bogan"?

Mix it 60/40 with Pub Squash and it actually becomes drinkable.

Source: poverty and depression.

You're joking, I know, but in seriousness I do think Americans would be more likely to be more reluctant to use such straight forward phrasing. I can imagine an American newscaster doing a "polite laugh" & saying, "What about the people who think you're crazy? What do you say to them [you lovable goofball, just be yourself]?"

Goon is cask wine - cheap shitty wine that comes in a bag

💩🍷👌

haha as much as I hate him, the guy is a classic. The way he says 'haters gunna hate' got me

With his fingers and a thumb in the palm of her hands.

"How many drinks had you had before you jumped in the water?"

"Not nearly fuckin' enough ay"

Correct.

I do agree with the fact that it's sort of unfair that he's being fined for damage that other people have done.

"glass" is Australian slang for eye, and "fagons" is slang for an inflated ball or balloon. Before the advent of plastic to make the bags for cask wine, goon used to be served in an inflated dingo eye.

This TV program is the epitome of trash tier news they have next to no journalistic integrity

The stupid shit guys do to impress a girl. I remember doing a lot of dumb shit as a teenager too.

the British backpacker was beautiful

Really? She looks pretty standard British I thought

Well if the girl said no, then the answer obviously is no. The thing is that she’s not gonna say no, she’d never say no…because of the implication.

There is no 1-10 scale. There are only 1's and 0's. You either would, or you wouldn't.

With his fingers and a thumb in the palm of her hands.

So close... sorta.

Dude it's an interview with a guy who threw a party. It's just a fluff piece, not hard hitting journalism.

She might give him more cups of goon and be like 'betcha couldn't box a kangaroo'

American style:

"the country is saying you're stupid"

lawsuit against news station, reporter and whole country

Forever an Aussie legend.

This movie becomes more and more relevant every year

I think you mean legend

They turned all the frogs gay

10 cups of "goon". Goon is cheap wine

Wrestling crocodiles.

i hate that interviewer, she think she's his mom or something?

Do Aussies "slap the bag"?

You haven't lived until you chugged Franzia box wine while slapping the bag bladder.

Not really

glass flagons

Now I'm lost again...

For every ten stories that Australians tell, most of them have some nugget of truth; One of them is completely true; One of them is complete and utter bullshit. Come to Australia and play the roulette.

I'll save you the time /u/AnotherKindaCult is American bollocks.

Rule number 1: Most people from anywhere are pretty cool and will help you out in one way or another, if you need it and aren't a complete arsehole.

Rule number 2: See rule number 1.

Sorted. Enjoy your travels mate.