2017-05-13

11pm in the card aisle of the 24 hour Safeway. The night before Mother's Day

11pm in the card aisle of the 24 hour Safeway. The night before Mother's Day

Shit like this is why I got married. My wife keeps a stash of cards, and she even picked out the flowers for my mother. I'd probably starve without her as well.

And OP just "happened" to be there at the same time... Coincidence!?

All I see are 6 people who love their mommies.

Oh shit, tomorrow's Mother's Day?

me_irl

me_irl

It's a bird! It's a plane!

It's the Seljuk Turks.

Bill Wurtz

From for the uninitiated. Definitely worth the 20 minutes when you've got it.

🎵Not anymore!🎵There is a blanket!🎵

"Aaah!" said the Byzantine Empire, who's getting so small and almost doesn't exist anymore.

After 10 years of being blind, Gerold knew it was time for an aid

After 10 years of being blind, Gerold knew it was time for an aid

Hahaha, what a ridiculous commercial, such terrible acting... holy crap that's genius... I need ten

Its actually pretty ingenious. It looks like there are two plastic prongs with metal contacts that stick out from the middle. Those contacts touch the wire posts on the actual outlet, providing the light with power. Pretty cool what you can do when everyone abides by standards. Also not a bad product.

http://i.imgur.com/c6n6186.png
Night Angel

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Woman Hires Undercover Cop To Kill Husband (Cops Decide To Have Some Fun)

Woman Hires Undercover Cop To Kill Husband (Cops Decide To Have Some Fun)

THE. MOST. brutal denial of any pass that has ever attempted to pass something, ever in the history of passes; pussy, penis, or otherwise! Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck

People in the youtube comment section were saying she is free now and it was declared mistrial. So apparently, a pussypass, a YUUUUUUGE one.

And the sad part is that some cuck is gonna be with her cuz he's gonna buy her story of, how he was emotionally abusive to him. How she only wanted to kill him physically and but he emotionally killed her a long time ago.

ABC news gives this bitch a platform to continue lying through her teeth

A few years later, .

What a piece of work this woman is.

"Alright, take her to the holding cells. Actually, wait. Take her to the old holding cell instead."

"You mean the one with the ginormous door and the huge key that makes a super loud sound when you turn it?"

"Goddamn I'm happy they let us keep that one."

meirl

meirl

For anyone wanting a link, it isn't real; it's from his show Louie. Still a great episode though.

I knew there was a reason she looked exactly how I'd imagine a "Christian against masturbation" to look.

Man the Jehovah's witnesses in my area are soo good looking it's creepy, cut straight, perfect posture nicely pressed suits and smell like pent up cherries and old printed books.

Jesus warned us about temptations though, Just devils in church clothes luring us into their demon church through untainted peen

So she's a CAM girl

Let's try this shoulder, no wait, the other shoulder....

Whatcha lookin' at?

Get my good side!! Now my other good side!

They're all good sides, Bront.

I wonder if it recognizes that a dog is on her screen and thats why its so excited.

Taking selfies with your best friend

"Hey! Is that me? Is it? Is it? It is me, isn't it? Wow it is me! I can't believe it's me."

https://m.imgur.com/gallery/5NXQKf4

He's a good boy.

Guard Dogs come in all types

Guard Dogs come in all types

This was my old German Shepherd (RIP Kane)

Someone walks by. Barks like a viscious animal

Same person enters yard. lets play fetch!!

Best dog ever. Damn I miss him, we grew up together. He was my dog twin, then my older dog brother, and eventually a calm old dog uncle.

When I worked in the news, one of the most heartwarming stories I saw was reforming prisoners with butterfly gardens. You had these hardcore looking guys tatted out from head to toe smiling like children as butterflies flew all around them. Empathy is the answer.

Haha, our dog had the same behavior with not only people but we had to realize even with other animals.

There was a cat that liked to hang out in our garden for a while and our dog would absolutely lose it's mind and start barking and the usual dog "this is my territory" behavior.

One day the door to the garden was open and the cat slipped into the living room where our dog was resting.

Upon seeing the cat he lifted his head for a couple of seconds then went back to sleep. The little wuss. XD

We had a good laugh about our well trained guard dog.

But... John Wick's pupper...

"Awkward Prom Pic" with a total sweetheart - Comicpalooza 2017

"Awkward Prom Pic" with a total sweetheart - Comicpalooza 2017

He has bedroom eyes, and you have "Too late, ladies, he's mine now!" eyes.

for context -- i had a captain america general prom theme and got my date to wear cap socks and boutonniere so after i told him that it was suggested that we do this, 10/10 best con pic i've ever taken

edit: my insta is @audreypscott i'll b posting more con pics! best time of the year imo

Cut the check!

I think her eyes are more, "Touch him and I cut you."

When your best friend's girlfriend asks to skip the prequels

When your best friend's girlfriend asks to skip the prequels

Your joke is very impressive, you must be very proud

I love how he delivered that line.

I loved how he delivered pretty much every line, but this one was very good.

I don't think he is a joke. Impressive or not.

Try one of these subthreads