2015-02-15

TIFU by playfully carrying my gf to my car

TIFU by playfully carrying my gf to my car

This just happened a couple hours ago.

Both my gf and I were busy for valentine's day, so we postponed our dinner plans to Sunday night. I made reservations at a nice restaurant in one of the more quiet towns in our area. After a wonderful dinner, accompanied by a few glass of wine each, I decided it would be fun to pick her up and carry her to the car.

My gf is a very petite Asian girl. She's only 5 feet tall and probably only 95 lbs. She also isn't always a fan of me picking her up, as I usually do it without her consent and by throwing her over one shoulder.

As we enter the small parking structure were we parked, I lagged back and got a running start to pick her up. I run up behind her, grab her, and make a sprint to the car with her on my shoulder. During this she's laughing, demanding to be put down, and kind of shouting. I make it to the car, throw her in the passenger seat and get in the car. We briefly laugh about it and she's already forgiven me.

We exit the garage and start on our way home. About 10 min later as we're getting close to entering the freeway, a police car is behind me with the lights on. I pull over and the cop asks me right away to step out of the car. I ask whats going on and he said there was a report of an abduction that fit my cars description. I have to come to the front of his cruiser while he asks me what I was up to while his partner asked my girlfriend 3 times if she was being held against her will. After corroborating stories and an explanation, he laughs and let's us go. Apparently someone saw me carrying her to my car thought I was abducting her and called the police. One officer left his card with my gf and they left. We drove home and I got an ear full of "I told you so"s. I'll definitely think twice next time I want to pick her up for fun.

TL;DR: I almost caused an amber alert by trying to be playful with my lady.

It's 2:30am and you'll probably never see this. How many hundreds of brilliant, life-changing thoughts and ideas are lost on Reddit each day, simply due to being posted at the wrong time?

It's 2:30am and you'll probably never see this. How many hundreds of brilliant, life-changing thoughts and ideas are lost on Reddit each day, simply due to being posted at the wrong time?

Futurama takes place in a near-post scarcity future with virtually limitless resources and perfect simulation, and everybody knows but Fry

Futurama takes place in a near-post scarcity future with virtually limitless resources and perfect simulation, and everybody knows but Fry

The Futurama universe is incredibly silly and wasteful. Why would this society waste billions or sometimes trillions of dollars on ridiculous joke projects? My theory is it's because Earth (and probably most space-faring civilizations) have such absurd production that they're arbitrarily close to being post-scarcity and the cost is completely meaningless. Moreover, perfect computer simulations exist, so anybody who doesn't want to live in the real-world can tune off and plug into a utopia of their choosing. Given the advanced level of automation, robots could easily provide for everyone as they live in little Matrix-tubes (see: the Near-Death Star). So why does everyone choose to live in the real world?

They don't. The majority of society lives in tiny, no-frills beds while attached to sweet virtual realities. The people left in the real world are doing it out for moral reasons, for hack value, or as a gag. Most people seem to be doing it for the last one. Nobody takes the real world seriously because they know if shit gets too deep, they can just throw their hands up and install a USB port in their skull. Living in the real world is a huge joke because it doesn't matter if they fail, they can retire to a filthily-modded Skyrim at a moment's notice. So why not make everything funny and silly?

What's the proof? For one, all of the video games and VR in the universe looks like shit. Whenever the crew logs onto the internet or plays WWII games, the graphics look like they came from the late 90s. They obviously have the ability to cheaply make amazing graphics, so why don't they bother? Because nobody is interested in great graphics, they want a "video game" experience. Nobody who has chosen to live in the real world wants hyper-realistic graphics because they know they can get that by choosing virtual life. Obviously game technology has continued to evolve because the AI and engines are good enough to allow any interaction imaginable, but the graphics remain bad (unevenly so, some games look close to real while some are 8-bit) because if people wanted games with perfect graphics, they'd log into the cheap holodecks.

Secondly, it's that GDP has exploded. There's been enough deflation to make year 3001 Dollars equal to year 2001 Dollars, and that's most probably the product of real GDP growing incredibly fast regardless of the behavior of the money supply. If inflation had occurred at normal rates and the low prices were due to the dollar being redefined (say, new dollars equaling 1/100th of an old dollar), Fry's account wouldn't be worth 4.3 billion in A Fishful of Dollars. The world is obviously capable of producing dramatically which has caused enough inflation to allow prices to reach the levels they were at 1,000 years ago.

Third, society is just silly. The whole show is an example of this. For example, consider that nobody even questioned that Mom would spend a fortune adding antennae to robots to make them look more sci-fi. Governments, private corporations, and individuals waste valuable resources conforming to a "cool" aesthetic or sometimes just for stupid puns. Why? Because resources are cheap and they can all afford the luxury of being wasteful.

But are people really willing to risk their lives for fun (or just for a joke)? They clearly are; plenty of scenes show people nearly dying because they're committed to a gag (that they don't even know the viewer is watching). Consider Bender: he did stupid nonsense nonstop for the original run on Fox before he later discovered he didn't have a backup drive. He acted recklessly because he thought he was immortal, but didn't change his behavior at all when he learned he genuinely could die. They don't take it seriously because they've been conditioned to believe life is a very casual thing (see: the popularity of suicide booths).

So if they know they don't have to work for a living, why do they? Everyone on the show either has something to prove or is just doing it for fun. Leela wants to prove she can be successful despite her circumstances. Zoidberg wants to prove he can make it as a doctor. Amy wants to prove she can be successful even though she has enough money to sit on her ass for the rest of her life. The Professor likes what he does and thinks it's fun to waste money or risk his neck in pursuit of knowledge. Hermes is dedicated to boring paperwork and enjoys the idea of inefficiently wasting his life on meaningless bureaucracy. Bender is a robot, and it's possible he actually can't attach himself into the 3000culus Rift network, but he's still been raised in a world with the attitude that life doesn't matter.

That leaves Fry. Of all of them, Fry is the only one who would gladly spend his life in a video game. The only reason he doesn't is because nobody told him and the whole crew just assumed he knew. Everyone else acts stupid because they made the decision that life was a joke, Fry acts stupid because he's actually stupid.

tl:dr: Anyone on Futurama can quit life to play a perfect video game, nobody remembered to tell Fry.

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